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Summer schedule stressing me out!

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 3:01 AM
  • 17 Replies

Within the last year or so, SS13 has become increasingly more difficult, disrespectful, bad attitude, bad mouth and a bad bully to my 3 younger bio kids. I can't stand it when he comes to visit, he creates such a negative vibe in the household. I came to this forum a few months ago seeking advice and several members here suggested to completely disengage and let my DH handle him, which I have done. When SS is here I am very withdrawn, my DH doesn't leave SS alone with me anymore, he always takes him with him even if it's just a quick errand to the store. That has actually helped DH and SS spend more time together and build a better bond. I completely leave disciplining to DH, which he is good about staying on SS for bad behaviour. So far it has been working out pretty good.

Well, the school year has ended and now instead of getting EEW, we are supposed to have him every alternating 2 weeks. My DH works during the week and doesn't get home til around 5:30 so this means I will be here all day with difficult SS as well as my 3 kids which are a handful themselves. BM used to make us fight tooth and nail just to get any visitation time, but now that SS is older and harder to handle, she cannot WAIT to dump him on us. That bothers me too. Is it wrong of me to feel like I shouldn't be the one stuck with him all day when DH is at work and BM lives only 10 min a day? When I brought it up, DH got pissed and said I should suck it up because we are married and it's his kid and I should just watch him while he's at work.

Am I wrong in not wanting to be SS's babysitter all day and deal with his behavior issues. Shouldn't his own mother be handling it if DH isn't around? I feel like everyone is trying to dump him on me. He's disrespectful, a bully and he makes life miserable. He's a horrible influence on my kids as well. Talks about lesbians and sex and sperm to the 8 year old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWYD?

by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 3:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 4:26 AM
are there any day camps in our area that he could attend while his father works? maybe a friend or two he could visit during the day? i dont blame you for not wanting him arund if hes acting this way. hope you guys can work something out
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by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 7:35 AM

Well, ask yourself this, if you have your DH give up his extended time with him in the summer and it causes his CS to go up because he is taking less time during the year, will you be OK with that?

Are those three other kids your DH's or from a previous marriage?

I take it you dont work because you are home?

by Ruby Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I didn't know talking about lesbians was a bad influence.  Hmm.

by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 9:44 AM

 You have every right to tell DH that he needs to find somewhere for SS to go while he is at work. They may mean more money out of pocket but you are not the babysitter. Why can't bm take him while DH is at work?

by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 10:37 AM
Well, here's the thing... If your DH wants his son, he can't rely on BM for child care during the day unless she wants to be. Sure, most people would love more time with their child, but if she isn't willing to have him just during the work day and release him back to Dad at night, that is her prerogative.

So, your DH does need childcare for his son, but it doesn't have to be you. He could always pay for daycare, a day camp, or even just a babysitter.

by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:13 AM
If you are not working and DH is financially supporting you so that you can stay at home with your kids, then you are the babysitter for his kid. If you work and are supporting your own kids, then tell him to make other arrangements.
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:40 AM

No, you don't need to suck it up. Being home with your kids and marrying a parent doesn't make you his or her babysitter.  You can call mom and talk to her if your husband won't and if you are willing to do that.  If he wants his kid there more he cand find a way to make it happen himself... otherwise he can pick up his kid from mom on his way home from work.

by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:05 PM

It sounds like the summer schedule wont work out this year. I would skip the summer schedule and just stick with weekends, unless your DH wants to take time off from work.

Another option is that your DH can sign him up for a day camp, although it's kind of late for that.

by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:09 PM

Can you plan some activities that will keep the kids busy during the day like go to a pool, go to a playground, go to a movie, etc.  Maybe if you have one outing to focus on each day that will eat up a few hours it will be less stressful.  I know taking 4 kids out somewhere isn't easy but if you can do that a few times a week even.  What are your normal summer daytime activities?

by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:34 PM

I have nothing against lesbians if that's what you're implying. I have several friends who are gay. But I have a problem when SS talks about what lesbians do in explicit details to my 8 year old. Very inappropriate.

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