SD graduation party with BM's family, only BD invited
Hi! This is my first post regarding SKs. I find myself at a loss many times when it comes to making decisions that will enrich my relationship with the SKs, give them time-alone with BD or put my (our) foot down when it's just straight-out wrong to exclude me from events or have him participate in BM's family's events.
Well, the oldest SD graduated from junior high and is having a grad party at her BMs house... just a BBQ with friends and family. BD is invited, obviously I'm not because "I'm the wicked witch of the west", according to them. BD doesn't want to go to the party at the house because he dreads having to interact with BM (whom hates me with a passion and made up all sorts of lies so the kids would hate me too). He did go to the graduation itself and the dinner after the graduation-which was a stretch for him.
He declined the invitation and both the SD and SS hate me even more because, obviously, they think he doesn't want to go because I told him not to. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I encourage him to participate in his kids life events even when I'm not part of it because after all, they are his children. I can not, however, force him to spend time with BM, whom he despises.
It didn't seem to me that this BBQ would be a great deal that he needed to attend if he chooses not to. For the most part, the guests will be the family of the BM. It just sounds ackward for him to participate, and that's how he feels, beside the fact that he has to be in the presence of the x for a prolonged time.
What are your thoughts regarding the BBQ? Should he attend for the SD's sake or skip it since it's a BM's family event?