Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Don't even know where to start ...

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:50 AM
  • 12 Replies

If you don't want to read the whole story then just scroll down to the bold, it sums it up, lol.

BM came to DH and I at the end of May, she said she was leaving her husband. It was "bad" she said and she needed out. Said it wasn't healthy or stable. She wanted the boys to stay with us until she could get everything together. She had said she would be finding a place to live. Said she would give us back the child support that DH pays.

Fast forward to June. School has let out and the boys are with us. DH is never home so I am the one caring for them (as I had agreed to do so that she could make life better for them). The boys were extremely disrespectful at first, but DH addressed it and everything got better.

DH gets paid and in our state CS is automatically garnished. BM receives the CS the next week. When asked for it she says, "There is no way they cost you that much being there and we need it to pay bills." Two days later they (BM and SF) take the boys as well as her SK's on vacation.

During this time BM has been pissed off at me because I "don't answer" her texts fast enough for her. For the previously mentioned visitation she sent a text to my phone that said, "SF is on his way" which I did not see. She called my phone and bitched at me that SF was at my house and I was not. I informed her that I was running errands and that no one had informed me that the pick up time would be different than previously established (6:00 pm). She said SF would wait, I said ok. I continued my Walmart outing. When I got to the car, I notice a text that says, "We will just pick them up on our way out of town." I check my phone, her phone call came 20 minutes after the first text.

DH addresses the issue, informs her that we need more notice than that.

Yesterday I get a text from SF, "I'm on my way back to town, I will be back in about 2 hours, can I stop by to see the boys?" ... I forwarded the text to DH and waited for a reply from him. I did not receive one. DH came home about an hour later and the boys had left the house without permission, by this time I had completely forgotten that SF had sent a text. DH went looking for the boys. Once he found them and got them back to the house we got busy discussing with them why they can't just leave the house (which seemed strange because we are already mostly through the month and have never had this issue before).

SF shows up and knocks on the door. DH is talking to the boys so asks that I go and let him know that they are busy. I do so. SF is visibly pissed off and says, "That works" and leaves. BM shortly after sends DH a text, "He gave you plenty of notice and then drove all the way over there!" ... a small fit ensues.

YSS informs us that SF is abusive towards them. Hits and kicks him without warrant. He had discussed living with us at one point and when asked why he told us that it's because of this. OSS tells us it's "just playing." YSS misses his mom though and wants to be with her so no longer wants to live with us.

So ... HOW THE HELL does it cost her so much to "care for them" yet there is "no way" it would cost us that much?!?! (nvm that she has even told us the boys have no clothes at her house and that they eat frozen pizza every night that she gets FREE from work yet she has her hair and nails done) She makes more in CS each year than I did the last year I was working (full time, 40 hours a week).

Forget the CS though ... I was TRICKED into being her free babysitter while she "made life better" for the boys. While she got them out of the house that was so "bad." Only to be told that she wasn't actually going to make it better for them at all.

Then she thinks I (and DH) will drop everything because she sends a text that either isn't seen or isn't a priority at that moment?

AND (I forgot to add it into the story above) she sends DH a text that says "Be prepared for your boys to hate you"

AND THEN we find out that SS is being hit, he is being kicked, and he is being hurt because SF is "playing" even after SS tells him he doesn't want to play like that?


by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:50 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:17 AM
Sounds like some shit my BM would pull only, if party boy was kicking the skids ass, SO would likely be in jail cu he's kick his ass.
AnnieChristian
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:04 AM
She sounds like a freaking headache.

Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.

By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.
andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:07 AM
DH told the kids that he will be talking to BM and that if he finds out that the kids have been hit again then ... well, I can't say it will be pretty. OSS insists it is "playing" because he and SF "wrestle around" and SF does the same things to him and he is ok with it. YSS, however, was almost in tears talking about it. Said the whole reason he wanted to live with us is so SF can't hurt him anymore.
Quoting faerie75:

Sounds like some shit my BM would pull only, if party boy was kicking the skids ass, SO would likely be in jail cu he's kick his ass.

andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:11 AM
I agree, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for SF to kick the boys. However, CPS has investigated and found that there was no abuse. What is left to do? The boys refused to tell the CPS investigators about it. We didn't know about it (they were investigating for other things). If DH goes to a judge to get custody they will tell him, "If it's so bad then why didn't CPS remove them?" ... it's insane that we have to send these kids back over there. If we refuse then BM will call in the police. She has her own SD (SF's daughter that he has custody of) that she handed over to her BM only to show up a couple of weeks later with the police. I have no doubt she would call them in on us too.
Quoting AnnieChristian:

She sounds like a freaking headache.

Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.

By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.

AnnieChristian
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:41 AM
I understand that but SF still needs a foot in his ass. Have you ever seen This Boy's Life with Leonardo Dicaprio & Robert Dinero? That's what SF kinda sounds like to me with his attitude & the boys saying he hits and kicks but "it's playing".

If she calls the police, you guys should just explain to them what she intended, that she was planning to leave SF because it was so bad, she asked you and DH to keep them safe while she got her stuff together. But she in fact did NOT leave him as she said and as far as you all know it's still "bad" for them so you don't feel comfortable with them being sent back to a home environment that their own mother didn't want them to continue living in. It's you & DH's word against hers but that's better than nothing.


Quoting andie646c:

I agree, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for SF to kick the boys. However, CPS has investigated and found that there was no abuse. What is left to do? The boys refused to tell the CPS investigators about it. We didn't know about it (they were investigating for other things). If DH goes to a judge to get custody they will tell him, "If it's so bad then why didn't CPS remove them?" ... it's insane that we have to send these kids back over there. If we refuse then BM will call in the police. She has her own SD (SF's daughter that he has custody of) that she handed over to her BM only to show up a couple of weeks later with the police. I have no doubt she would call them in on us too.

Quoting AnnieChristian:

She sounds like a freaking headache.



Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.



By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.



andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:04 AM

The CO states that she has the sole right to determine their primary residence. The police will have no choice but to make us give them back. Especially considering DH wouldn't be here during any of it, he would be at work. It ultimately becomes the non-parents word against the parents word and CO. Without obvious signs of abuse there is nothing that can be done. I could end up charged with kidnapping if I refused. DH can't kick anyones ass as if he ends up in jail and unable to work then he can't pay CS. The amount he pays, even missing one payment triggers the CS office to send a letter threatening to take his license (when it was first set up and they hadn't gotten his previous payments in the system yet, he got a letter that stated they were about to take his license). His license is required for him to work. No other job will pay what he makes now and the judge has already said the CS won't be lowered if he switches jobs because he is "capable" of making as much as he does. He'd end up working to pay CS and nothing else.

I have not seen that movie. I rarely watch movies or TV for that matter, too many kids and not enough time :p I did use to watch Lifetime movies though and I feel this will not turn out well, for anyone but especially the kids. SS was put in the mental hospital twice shortly after BM and her DH got together. The second time he was escorted out of his house by police in order to get him there. He was 8!!! 

Quoting AnnieChristian:

I understand that but SF still needs a foot in his ass. Have you ever seen This Boy's Life with Leonardo Dicaprio & Robert Dinero? That's what SF kinda sounds like to me with his attitude & the boys saying he hits and kicks but "it's playing".

If she calls the police, you guys should just explain to them what she intended, that she was planning to leave SF because it was so bad, she asked you and DH to keep them safe while she got her stuff together. But she in fact did NOT leave him as she said and as far as you all know it's still "bad" for them so you don't feel comfortable with them being sent back to a home environment that their own mother didn't want them to continue living in. It's you & DH's word against hers but that's better than nothing.


Quoting andie646c:

I agree, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for SF to kick the boys. However, CPS has investigated and found that there was no abuse. What is left to do? The boys refused to tell the CPS investigators about it. We didn't know about it (they were investigating for other things). If DH goes to a judge to get custody they will tell him, "If it's so bad then why didn't CPS remove them?" ... it's insane that we have to send these kids back over there. If we refuse then BM will call in the police. She has her own SD (SF's daughter that he has custody of) that she handed over to her BM only to show up a couple of weeks later with the police. I have no doubt she would call them in on us too.

Quoting AnnieChristian:

She sounds like a freaking headache.



Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.



By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.





AnnieChristian
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:24 AM
1 mom liked this
The conditions of that CO really suck in regards to this situation :( I hope things get better for your family or at the very least, don't get any worse. As a SM, watching the BM toy around with SKs lives & not being able to do anything about it, is so difficult & frustrating. I know I've shed a lot of tears behind it in the past. Just stay strong & keep the kids spirits up when they're home with you, and be okay knowing even though you can't help them in all the ways you wish you could right now, you're doing everything you can.


Quoting andie646c:

The CO states that she has the sole right to determine their primary residence. The police will have no choice but to make us give them back. Especially considering DH wouldn't be here during any of it, he would be at work. It ultimately becomes the non-parents word against the parents word and CO. Without obvious signs of abuse there is nothing that can be done. I could end up charged with kidnapping if I refused. DH can't kick anyones ass as if he ends up in jail and unable to work then he can't pay CS. The amount he pays, even missing one payment triggers the CS office to send a letter threatening to take his license (when it was first set up and they hadn't gotten his previous payments in the system yet, he got a letter that stated they were about to take his license). His license is required for him to work. No other job will pay what he makes now and the judge has already said the CS won't be lowered if he switches jobs because he is "capable" of making as much as he does. He'd end up working to pay CS and nothing else.

I have not seen that movie. I rarely watch movies or TV for that matter, too many kids and not enough time :p I did use to watch Lifetime movies though and I feel this will not turn out well, for anyone but especially the kids. SS was put in the mental hospital twice shortly after BM and her DH got together. The second time he was escorted out of his house by police in order to get him there. He was 8!!! 

Quoting AnnieChristian:

I understand that but SF still needs a foot in his ass. Have you ever seen This Boy's Life with Leonardo Dicaprio & Robert Dinero? That's what SF kinda sounds like to me with his attitude & the boys saying he hits and kicks but "it's playing".



If she calls the police, you guys should just explain to them what she intended, that she was planning to leave SF because it was so bad, she asked you and DH to keep them safe while she got her stuff together. But she in fact did NOT leave him as she said and as far as you all know it's still "bad" for them so you don't feel comfortable with them being sent back to a home environment that their own mother didn't want them to continue living in. It's you & DH's word against hers but that's better than nothing.





Quoting andie646c:

I agree, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for SF to kick the boys. However, CPS has investigated and found that there was no abuse. What is left to do? The boys refused to tell the CPS investigators about it. We didn't know about it (they were investigating for other things). If DH goes to a judge to get custody they will tell him, "If it's so bad then why didn't CPS remove them?" ... it's insane that we have to send these kids back over there. If we refuse then BM will call in the police. She has her own SD (SF's daughter that he has custody of) that she handed over to her BM only to show up a couple of weeks later with the police. I have no doubt she would call them in on us too.


Quoting AnnieChristian:

She sounds like a freaking headache.





Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.





By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.









laughnchica
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:32 AM

We have this issue with DF's son's SF. His son will tell DF about how SF will shove him into the ground or twist his arm really hard till hurts or punch him and stuff but then his sister will say "oh he was just playing, J! Stop being a liar!" DF's daughter loves her SF because he spoils her but treats DF's son like crap.

We have called CPS a few times because his son would call us in tears about what SF has done. He threatened suicide once and went into counseling but CPS can't do anything because they don't have "proof" which just pisses me right off. Most kids don't just call their parent in tears saying he is hurt and scared and wants to run away or commit suicide because NOTHING is being done to him or her. So aggravating. I really hope your situation with that gets better. Just keep an eye out for bruises or anything. =/

spicy0425
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:38 AM

You're kidding, right annie?  You can't just tell the police what somebody told you without concrete "proof" or "evidence". This is the reality matter, not a movie !!


Quoting AnnieChristian:

I understand that but SF still needs a foot in his ass. Have you ever seen This Boy's Life with Leonardo Dicaprio & Robert Dinero? That's what SF kinda sounds like to me with his attitude & the boys saying he hits and kicks but "it's playing".

If she calls the police, you guys should just explain to them what she intended, that she was planning to leave SF because it was so bad, she asked you and DH to keep them safe while she got her stuff together. But she in fact did NOT leave him as she said and as far as you all know it's still "bad" for them so you don't feel comfortable with them being sent back to a home environment that their own mother didn't want them to continue living in. It's you & DH's word against hers but that's better than nothing.


Quoting andie646c:

I agree, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for SF to kick the boys. However, CPS has investigated and found that there was no abuse. What is left to do? The boys refused to tell the CPS investigators about it. We didn't know about it (they were investigating for other things). If DH goes to a judge to get custody they will tell him, "If it's so bad then why didn't CPS remove them?" ... it's insane that we have to send these kids back over there. If we refuse then BM will call in the police. She has her own SD (SF's daughter that he has custody of) that she handed over to her BM only to show up a couple of weeks later with the police. I have no doubt she would call them in on us too.

Quoting AnnieChristian:

She sounds like a freaking headache.



Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.



By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.





AnnieChristian
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:31 PM
I'm not going to argue with you. My suggestion was to OP, not you-if you can give better advice to her about this issue then GIVE IT. What purpose does it serve for you to comment on her post with nothing to add but asking me, 'you're kidding, right annie?'. I don't entertain nitpicking. You're obviously bored, go watch a movie. I heard This Boy's Life is a really good one :)


Quoting spicy0425:

You're kidding, right annie?  You can't just tell the police what somebody told you without concrete "proof" or "evidence". This is the reality matter, not a movie !!



Quoting AnnieChristian:

I understand that but SF still needs a foot in his ass. Have you ever seen This Boy's Life with Leonardo Dicaprio & Robert Dinero? That's what SF kinda sounds like to me with his attitude & the boys saying he hits and kicks but "it's playing".



If she calls the police, you guys should just explain to them what she intended, that she was planning to leave SF because it was so bad, she asked you and DH to keep them safe while she got her stuff together. But she in fact did NOT leave him as she said and as far as you all know it's still "bad" for them so you don't feel comfortable with them being sent back to a home environment that their own mother didn't want them to continue living in. It's you & DH's word against hers but that's better than nothing.





Quoting andie646c:

I agree, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for SF to kick the boys. However, CPS has investigated and found that there was no abuse. What is left to do? The boys refused to tell the CPS investigators about it. We didn't know about it (they were investigating for other things). If DH goes to a judge to get custody they will tell him, "If it's so bad then why didn't CPS remove them?" ... it's insane that we have to send these kids back over there. If we refuse then BM will call in the police. She has her own SD (SF's daughter that he has custody of) that she handed over to her BM only to show up a couple of weeks later with the police. I have no doubt she would call them in on us too.


Quoting AnnieChristian:

She sounds like a freaking headache.





Try not to look at it as she used you to be their free babysitter, if SF is hurting the kids & their mom, you're assisting in protecting them from that, like a step-mama bear! BM may be stupid to have stayed with him after she said herself it was "bad" & strayed from the initial plan but she gets credit for making sure her sons are in a more stable environment with you & DH.





By the way, DH needs to start hitting & kicking that POS SF "without warrant"! There is no such thing as warranted abuse. If parents spank their kids as last resort discipline then that's their decision but step parents have no place, right or reason ever. And to KICK a child, or anyone for than matter, is never OK.









Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)