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How do you coparent with this??

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:17 AM
  • 37 Replies

To follow my post from yesterday, DH and BM decided Monday night that YSS needs to be "kept away" from his girlfriend. YSS is 16, GF is 13. BM is a teacher, and does not work during the summer. DH and BM decided that on the days YSS is with DH, he will stay with BM during the day so she can monitor him. This was all decided prior to BM's decision that YSS will move in with her.

SO, yesterday, DH drops off YSS at BM's house. When he calls to go pick him up at the end of the day, he finds out that YSS has his cell phone back (that DH took away because YSS snuck out of the house Saturday night), and that BM let YSS go to the girlfriend's house. So DH had to go to the girlfriend's house to pick him up! This is ONE DAY after BM thinks that YSS and the GF need to be kept apart! ONE DAY!

THEN come to find out, BM wants to send YSS to an $800 music camp this summer, to get him away from GF! That was her reason - to put some space between YSS and GF! OK - REALLY?? You want to put space between them but you allow him to go to her house?? And, to top it off, she convinced DH's dad to pay for half of the camp!

How in the world is DH supposed to parent his kids when their mother does this stuff? This is not an isolated incident. This is how it's been forever with her. It is things like this that make DH think maybe it is best if he allows BM to have full custody of YSS.

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:20 AM
Camp is a good idea, keep him busy
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:27 AM


I think the camp is a good idea, too.

although 800 sounds pretty steep, how many weeks is it?

Quoting OvrMyHead:

Camp is a good idea, keep him busy



adamsmom0116
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:28 AM

 So reward him with an $800 music camp? What will that solve? None of the other kids have ever gotten to go to a camp that costs more than $200.


Quoting OvrMyHead:

Camp is a good idea, keep him busy


 

adamsmom0116
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:34 AM

 It is a 1-week camp. None of the other kids have gotten to go to such expensive camps. If BM wants to send him to this camp to get him away from the GF, then why would she continue to allow him to go to the GF's house? She seems to be playing both sides of this.


Quoting whatIknownow:

 

I think the camp is a good idea, too.

although 800 sounds pretty steep, how many weeks is it?

Quoting OvrMyHead:

Camp is a good idea, keep him busy

 

 


 

Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:35 AM

This happened with a friend of mine and his son got his girlfriend pregnant. They never thought their kids would have sex! I'm not in the financial bracket to provide $800 camp, and if it's only for a week I doubt it will change the relationship, so that wouldn't be the reason to send him, but it would be a nice thing to do if he wants too and you can.

Why would DH think BM should just have full custody? Shouldn't DH try to have more control instead of washing his hands of it? DH will probably have to share the bill if his son get's gf pregnant down the road or gets into some other trouble.

adamsmom0116
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:38 AM

 YSS got in trouble over the weekend for sneaking out. DH took away his cell phone. Then, when YSS was supposed to go to weights, he instead went to BM's and whined about how controlling and mean DH is for taking away his cell phone. He doesn't want to be at our house with our rules. He wants to move in full time with BM. She will not make him come over if he does not want to. We've been down this path with OSS, who lived with her for a year and a half.

In our state, YSS is old enough to choose where he wants to live. If he wants to live with BM, and if BM is not going to make him come to our house, what exactly should DH do? Physically go get him at BM's every day and drag an unwilling pissy teenager back to our house?


Quoting Bertieb:

This happened with a friend of mine and his son got his girlfriend pregnant. They never thought their kids would have sex! I'm not in the financial bracket to provide $800 camp, and if it's only for a week I doubt it will change the relationship, so that wouldn't be the reason to send him, but it would be a nice thing to do if he wants too and you can.

Why would DH think BM should just have full custody? Shouldn't DH try to have more control instead of washing his hands of it? DH will probably have to share the bill if his son get's gf pregnant down the road or gets into some other trouble.


 

Raspberry393
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:43 AM
sorry, what is the current co?
adamsmom0116
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 9:46 AM

 50/50 everything, 1 week with BM, 1 week with DH


Quoting Raspberry393:

sorry, what is the current co?


 

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:06 AM
While I think music camp is a great idea, 800 bux is way up there. If it were us I would suggest to dh that he toss in the normal paid price for the other camps and if bm wants him to go she can foot the rest or no deal. She sounds like fun. Good luck!
SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Putting him in camp is her way of washing her hands from having to keep tabs on him.

Im not one that agrees in one parent making a decision to put the child into something without talking to the other parent first.
If a parent choses an activity they should pay the full amount. Its not fair for BM to pick the activity and expect for BD to pay half. That shouldve been talked about before her saying pay half.

Camp is a good is a good idea, but im sure there is something less expensive that would be more appropriate for a kid on punishment.
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