I was reading a post on here last week, and I don't remember what it was about, but I think it was one of those " I hate my step kids" posts. And someone, I don't remember who, asked the woman if her husband knew how she felt. Then someone else quoted that person and said something along the lines of " I wonder how my husband feels about being a step dad ".
It got me thinking. My husband is well aware of how I feel about his daughter. He knows that the relationship is constantly changing. I'm very open with him about my feelings, in a non intrusive, non offensive manner. I'm very open and matter of fact about it all.
Just last night, I was telling him that I feel that it's hopeless to even try to SD anymore, because every time things get good between me and SD, BM goes on one of her rampages and ruins it. It's frustrating. And now with SD moving - 2-3 days a month is not going to be enough to maintain a positive relationship between me and SD.
A good, loving relationship is something that I have to consciously work at with her. Not just on her end, but on mine as well. It is hard to love another's child whole heartedly. So - I decided to ask my husband how he feels about being a step father. What that hardest part about step parenting is and if he feels any resentments towards me or DS.
DH doesn't talk as openly to me, as I do to him. So these had to be asked.
1) I don't feel like a step father. DS is my son. Maybe it would be different if BF was in his life, and I had to deal with what you deal with having BM be a part of our life every day, but I don't so I guess it's easier to just see him as my son
2) The hardest part about being a step father is he worries about punishments. He expects more out of DS because DS is here all of the time, but he questions himself on if he's being harder on DS because he's here all the time, or if he's doing it because it's his step son and not his flesh and blood like SD is. It's also hard for him to take a back seat when it comes to DS because he is the all the time dad, but has to remember that I know DS better than he does, or anyone does that even though I won't openly over ride him, it's okay if I have different standards
3) He does not resent me or DS. He does resent BF. He resents him because BF should be helping financially. He resents him because BF should be there for DS. He resents him because he ( BF ) doesn't love DS the way that DH feels he ( BF ) should.
So - I asked my husband. Are you brave enough to ask yours? Are you sure you want to know the truth? Will he tell you the truth if it's less than favorable.. ?