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Does BM Ever Talk About the Past with Kids?

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:07 PM
  • 54 Replies

So BM and DH are amiable. Not best friends or anything, but they can sit alongside at school / sporting functions, etc.

One thing that annoys the shit out of me, BM reminisces about DH. An example, she was sitting next to SS chatting and I overheard her say "Dad used to feed his piranha's hot dog's! When we came to Wisconsin from a trip, that's all we had in the fridge..." Yada yada yada.

It bugs the shit out of me! That story was about 18 years ago! MOVE ON ALREADY!!!


Does anyone deal with something simliar? I know its passive, but nonetheless, it creates tension.

by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
laughnchica
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:11 PM

If BM says anything about the past to the kids its always negative and very rarely true.

In your case though...I honestly don't think it is meant to be a tension starter. Kids probably want to know what it was like when their mom and dad were together. She was sharing a part of their life together. Maybe the kid brought something up from back then. Just a thought.

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 i agree with pp, i sometimes bring up to my kids things about their dad, just like my mom use to do with me and still does...my kids are curious about things having to do with their parents, imo, its not that big of a deal....unless, she does this out of spite, i dont see anything wrong with it imo

Raspberry393
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:16 PM
maybe it's the example given that doesn't seem so bad but I think it's good for my SD to hear and know about her father during a time I didn't know him. The example you gave wasn't negative towards the father so I guess I don't understand. if it were negative or if she was trying to get back with him I would totally understand, but that doesn't seem the case from what you posted. I think it's good for children to see that their parents can be amiable with each other.
HighRoadToPnH
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:18 PM
I get more annoyed when she gets sentimental and tries reminiscing about the past with my SO.
NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Maybe its more about how often she does it? Maybe I am overreacting... but she bought my DH a DVD of an old movie that he loved back when they were young and dating... but said it was from the kids. 

Maybe it is an insecurity, I am not sure. But thank you for everyone's insight so far, it was exactly what I was hoping for, believe it or not.

DDDaysh
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 Honestly, what you said just sounds more like a random memory than anything else.  Memories happen.  They shared lots of time together and you can't erase the past.  This doesn't sound like something that one would "get over", it's just a funny memory about hot dogs. 

HighRoadToPnH
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:31 PM
Do you feel like she is doing these things as a way to rekindle things or get back together with DH?? Doesn't seem that way since you haven't mentioned that.

I would also get irritated if BM bought SO a personal type gift and not one that SS didnt pick out or make himself . But in my situation she has straight out said that she was hoping they'd get back together, so her intentions are more clear...I try to suck it up and ignore it because I know that some of the irritation I'm feeling is related to insecurities of not wanting to hear about their past relationship too.

My point is I understand where you're coming from, it's not an abnormal way to feel, but of course you can't control what she does so figuring out how to deal with it on your end is the only thing you can do.
NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:40 PM

If it were an isolated thing, I really doubt I would care much. I remember back when DH and were dating, she would talk about concerts they went to or football games, etc. I didn't let it bother me much then. 

I definitely will be the first to admit, I don't want to hear about their past relationship. (lots of resentment there). So I guess I just presume its a way for her to remind me that she was once his wife.... but in reality, it probably has nothing to do with me at all.

But still, if she buys him something personal again, I am speaking up. :)

packermomof2
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this

It only creates tension because you let it.  I talk about the past with my kids.  They like to hear stories about their parents, themselves when they were younger, their family.  I don't mind telling them.  

NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:47 PM


True that! I am learning that being a SM means grinning and bearing it. I may not be comfortable hearing the stories, but I guess if its good for the kids, then I will have to suck it up. :)

Quoting packermomof2:

It only creates tension because you let it.  I talk about the past with my kids.  They like to hear stories about their parents, themselves when they were younger, their family.  I don't mind telling them.  



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