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So who is responsible for the little things?

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 6:50 PM
  • 37 Replies
Like Motrin? Or sunscreen? Or floaties?

Let's say BD has 2 days off a week- not same day each week either- & he has the kids when he is off (yes, this is my scenario- his parenting time is with reasonable notice of his work schedule). Say he wants to take them swimming. Now neither of us can afford 2 swimsuits for each of our 4 kids so they just take back & forth. BUT who should a) provide the towels? b) provide sunscreen for all of them? & c) provide floaties for the 4yo (who BTW does not need them when he is with me).

Now let's say it's said day off (no swimming due to rain) & BD gets the kids & is told 4yo woke up with headache & fever. So I gave him Mortin when he got up. Now 3 hours into BD having kids he a) texts saying "you can pick up the kids by 730 so they can eat dinner" & then b) "Shawn is still not feeling well" I asked if he had Motrin for his 2yo & the reply was "No". So I say "IDK what you want me to do! I can either pick them up no to give him Motrin & put him in bed OR he waits til 730?" He says "come get them now".

Sorry it's so long. I just wanted to find out if SM & BD provide the little things too or if I'm asking too much of him? Maybe I'm just expecting too much? LOL
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 6:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:02 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm thinking if you wannt to a step or bio child swimming you need x y z. If you don't have x y z then you go get them. If you cannot get x y z then don't go swimming.

Now, just me talking here. But, if you cannot provide basic shit. Over the counter meds, band-aides and simple simple shit. Then I would think twice about sending the child to where ever can't provide these basic common sense things.

Again, just me.
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akm378mn
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:15 PM

I feel split on this one... for the examples you provided this is what I think: 

Yes, dad should provide sunscreen and towels if it is his plan to take them swimming.  No, you shouldn't be required to provide those things in that situation. 

But, for the instance when your son wasn't feeling well on that day, I think you should have sent the motrin with him for that day.  1. you would have made sure that he had the medicine he needed.  2. Dad probably didn't have it on hand... who knows... maybe they use tylenol or something else.  Plus, it wasn't something that he needed on a regular basis.  It was something that just came up.  Well, maybe dad should get some for future use, but for that day I think you should have sent it with directions as to how often, etc.  I know for my 2 year old I only use tylenol... not motrin. 

But, in general I think non-custodial parents should provide for the kids on their time... including the little every day things. 

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:16 PM
That's the thing... he has a 2yo with his GF & they live together. I just can't believe he doesn't have MOTRIN! Especially knowing how many ear infections their LO has had in the past & knowing he has had fevers in the past (cuz yeah ex would bail on our kids because he had a sick kid & GF had to work).

Quoting saywhat2102:

I'm thinking if you wannt to a step or bio child swimming you need x y z. If you don't have x y z then you go get them. If you cannot get x y z then don't go swimming.



Now, just me talking here. But, if you cannot provide basic shit. Over the counter meds, band-aides and simple simple shit. Then I would think twice about sending the child to where ever can't provide these basic common sense things.



Again, just me.

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:20 PM

 imo, whoever has the kids should be responsible for what the kids need...

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:21 PM
It's not that our LO can't use anything else- Motrin just lasts up to 8 hours so that's why I gave it to him. And TBH I had to borrow a teaspoon from a co-worker (I work at a daycare & she happened to have some in her purse). I didn't know he had a fever til we got to daycare. That's when I text the ex & said I didn't have any with me but a co-worker did & it seems to have worked. DS was perfectly fine... until it wore off! Ex was told that I couldn't find the bottle I had a few months ago. And he lives by a Kroger & could have left the kids for 20 mins to get some (our oldest is 13 & could have watched them).

Quoting akm378mn:

I feel split on this one... for the examples you provided this is what I think: 


Yes, dad should provide sunscreen and towels if it is his plan to take them swimming.  No, you shouldn't be required to provide those things in that situation. 


But, for the instance when your son wasn't feeling well on that day, I think you should have sent the motrin with him for that day.  1. you would have made sure that he had the medicine he needed.  2. Dad probably didn't have it on hand... who knows... maybe they use tylenol or something else.  Plus, it wasn't something that he needed on a regular basis.  It was something that just came up.  Well, maybe dad should get some for future use, but for that day I think you should have sent it with directions as to how often, etc.  I know for my 2 year old I only use tylenol... not motrin. 


But, in general I think non-custodial parents should provide for the kids on their time... including the little every day things. 

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:47 PM

Generally we expect BM to provide for SS11 when she has him...mainly cause there is a 3 hour drive between us, so taking something easily purchased over there isn't reasonable.

 

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:48 PM
2 moms liked this
Just send the meds next time lol. I would question why but its not worth holding back a visit. Not saying ya would. Don't know ya.

I think the parent should be repsonsible for common sense shit and things that "pop" up. Ex. Child gets poison ivy. Do you have cream? Nope. Do you wait until the other parent picks up child to get the cream? No. Ya go get the damn cream! Common sense shit.


Quoting CampClan:

That's the thing... he has a 2yo with his GF & they live together. I just can't believe he doesn't have MOTRIN! Especially knowing how many ear infections their LO has had in the past & knowing he has had fevers in the past (cuz yeah ex would bail on our kids because he had a sick kid & GF had to work).



Quoting saywhat2102:

I'm thinking if you wannt to a step or bio child swimming you need x y z. If you don't have x y z then you go get them. If you cannot get x y z then don't go swimming.





Now, just me talking here. But, if you cannot provide basic shit. Over the counter meds, band-aides and simple simple shit. Then I would think twice about sending the child to where ever can't provide these basic common sense things.





Again, just me.



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GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 7:50 PM
2 moms liked this
So you are bitching about him not having something that you yourself also did not have?

Chew on that little nugget for a little bit.


Quoting CampClan:

It's not that our LO can't use anything else- Motrin just lasts up to 8 hours so that's why I gave it to him. And TBH I had to borrow a teaspoon from a co-worker (I work at a daycare & she happened to have some in her purse). I didn't know he had a fever til we got to daycare. That's when I text the ex & said I didn't have any with me but a co-worker did & it seems to have worked. DS was perfectly fine... until it wore off! Ex was told that I couldn't find the bottle I had a few months ago. And he lives by a Kroger & could have left the kids for 20 mins to get some (our oldest is 13 & could have watched them).



Quoting akm378mn:

I feel split on this one... for the examples you provided this is what I think: 



Yes, dad should provide sunscreen and towels if it is his plan to take them swimming.  No, you shouldn't be required to provide those things in that situation. 



But, for the instance when your son wasn't feeling well on that day, I think you should have sent the motrin with him for that day.  1. you would have made sure that he had the medicine he needed.  2. Dad probably didn't have it on hand... who knows... maybe they use tylenol or something else.  Plus, it wasn't something that he needed on a regular basis.  It was something that just came up.  Well, maybe dad should get some for future use, but for that day I think you should have sent it with directions as to how often, etc.  I know for my 2 year old I only use tylenol... not motrin. 



But, in general I think non-custodial parents should provide for the kids on their time... including the little every day things. 

Raspberry393
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 8:06 PM

I think it depends on the relationship... as with most things step related.  In our situation we pick up the slack sometimes when BM needs it and sometimes BM picks up the slack when we need it as both households have extremely tight budgets.  For example, after the fire BM provided towels for us to go swimming with SD because we didn't have an easy means of washing towels after they were used.  We do most of the transport because BM doesn't own her own car.  Sunscreen and bug spray usually happenes to fall on whomever has it....

I'd ask myself are towels, bug spray, and motrin good reasons to deprive your children of their father?  If not, then I wouldn't worry about it too much because usually there are bigger issues to address even in the most amicable of situations.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 8:11 PM
2 moms liked this

I think if you are a household where one of the parents lives, then you are responsible for providing anything the child may need during their time there. That includes a swim suit for swimming, sun block for playing outside, and any floaties/life jackets the child/children may need.

This should also most definitely include medication, ESPECIALLY fever reducers. I'm a firm believer that anyone with children should ALWAYS have motrin and tylenol just in case.


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