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referring to stepkids as your children

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:59 PM
  • 83 Replies

 Do you think that it's ok for a step parent to call a step child their son or daughter or let another person continue to believe that their step child is their biological child if

 1. the step child has expressly stated that they want their step parent to do so

 2. as long as it is NOT in a setting where it is important that it be known that the step child is not the biological parent - for example in the case of school, medical care ,etc.

 3. as long as it is not in a situation where calling them such would inevitably cause a lot of confusion/awkwardness later on.  For example if  SM took the child to a birthday party for a kid at school and referred to the child as their son/daughter and then later in the classroom the parent of the birthday child meets BM and is like "oh, I though such and such was her/his mother". 

 I'm talking about just out and about - the park where you strike up a conversation with another mom, craft time at the library, the waitress at the restaurant, the cosmetologist cutting the child's hair, etc.

Do you think it's ok or no?

by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:59 PM
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by Platinum Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:03 PM


by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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If not going to see the person again I let them think what they want. My families make up is not their business.
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:09 PM
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I will answer this honestly.  If my children were out with another woman I would NOT appreciate her calling my children her own, period.  I see nothing wrong with saying "stepchildren".  I birthed them, not anybody else.  Some examples of what I would brush off and not think twice about, lets say they had a stepmom and were at the grocery store and someone said to her "wow are they all yours", I wouldn't be mad at her for saying yes.  The examples that you give, I would not be upset.  Or I would be upset at first and feel pretty silly later on.  When my stepdaughter and us (5 more children that are mine) are out in public say "wow are those all yours", I am not going to say yes and then not include her or say "except this one, she is my stepdaughter".  I just say yes and move on.

by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:09 PM


by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 I think it is ok in passing. my daughter and step daughter are 5 months apart and really look like twins. people tell me all the time that my twins are beautiful. i just agree and go on about my business. i used to correct them but i got tired of it. the girls are so used to it they just say thank you.

by Gold Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:52 PM
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I'm not going to spill out our family make up for some stranger I will never see again. Anyone that knows our family knows who and what we are.

I am damn proud of being a stepmom. I love my lil dude. He's awesome. Do I tell the whole story to the lady who is at the store when she says "oh your son is so handsome"? No, we both just smile at her and say thank you:-)
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by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:56 PM
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yes, I think it's ok in the circumstances that you listed.

by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:56 PM
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I do since my stepson lives with us full time I've known him since he was 2.5 and he's almost 9 his mom never calls or see's him. I don't care if his mom likes it or not her kid doesn't even know who she is.
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I think a blanket no is a bit much...
I don't correct every person that makes an assumption, especially since I'm heavily involved as a CSM...when I introduce I introduce as a SM but if someone assumes and goes..."oh, your mommy..."...For example...the checkout lady at the hairdresser...when she twlls SS5 "Is it ok woth mommy if tou get a lollipop?" as we checkout. No, i don't think i need to clarify for her...that would just be an awkward conversation...kind of of the what i beed to knkw you married a divorced man and took his kid for a haircut...I don't correct if it's not a big deal...that just makes things weird...the kids hate the awkwardness of explaining I'm a SM and that mom and dad are divorced...we just smile and move on...some people just don't need an where it counts...on every single legal form, medical, school, I am identified as SM...the places that question, know who I am...and have a copy of necessary POA for any decisions I may need to make..,

Quoting baparrot2:


by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 6:10 PM
4 moms liked this
Dh & I have custody of both his kids. They see their Mom once a month and part of the summer. She pays no child support. She buys no clothing, shoes, school supplies. She pays no medical bills. She has not come to see the boy play 1 single baseball game.
They have been with me for 6 yrs. They call me Mom. I give them all the love and care, both emotionally & financially that they need.

They are my children.
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