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Birth mom constantly emailing my husband, advice needed!

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:47 AM
  • 54 Replies

Hi there,

Just a little advice would be nice. Birth mom left with her boyfriend two years ago and has hew own life. Since about November of last year she constantly texts and emails my husband. Mostly emails. She has the choice to facetime the kids every 48 hours. Even when it is not her facetime days he still hears from her. The topics always range from the boys health, school, youtube videos she has found for the boys and lately thanking my husband for keeping this situation away from the courts. I do not see why she has to email EVERY SINGLE DAY! I feel very insecure about it and always come off as the nagging wife. Mom and I do not get along and she has even said to me that she will not communicate with me only their father. We have the boys full time and she gets a month in the summer. What do you all think? Is this inappropriate behavior or is this me just being crazy. Thanks!

by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:51 AM
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It doesn't sound like she's said anything inappropriate. I don't see the problem with it. I think it's fine that she only wants to communicate with him since he's the father and she's the mother. You should try to work on your insecurities.
Vaughna15
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:54 AM

There are definitely some insecurities I need to work on. I am just not understanding why this is a daily issue with her.

twinklebites
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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I get the annoying part but as long as she sticks to talking about the kids you don't have much to complain about, there is something else that is bothering you.

DDDaysh
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Daily may be a little strange, but since she's keeping it to e-mail and about the boys, it sounds more like her trying to reintegrate herself as their mother rather than anything to do with wanting your husband.  And honestly, if the e-mails annoy him, he can always just let them accumulate for two or three days and then reply all at once.  

How long have you guys been married?  

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:59 AM
When my kids were younger, I talked to my ex daily. Sometimes even now we talk daily, but at least regularly. We have 3 kids and there is much to discuss. Why does the frequency bother you so much? Just ignore it.

Quoting Vaughna15:

There are definitely some insecurities I need to work on. I am just not understanding why this is a daily issue with her.

Vaughna15
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:03 AM

Yeah shes the one who left and left the kids here. She now has a new life in a different state. They are divorced and I dont think there is a need to constantly talk unless there is an emergency. I honestly think she is bored and she feels like harrassing my husband while hes at work. She needs constant attention so when she doesnt get it from her parents or her new husband she looks for it in my husband. Even if its negatove or not.

Ktina11
by Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:06 AM
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I think it is great that she is making an effort to be in the kids lives daily. Since the boys reside with you guys, it is her only way to keep connected. She sounds like her communication is all about the boys and she hasn't crossed a line. I don't see an issue here with her behavior....it does sound like you are a bit insecure though. You are an awesome SM if you help to foster her relationship with their mother.
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yryssa1
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:06 AM
I agree with Daysh, she is more than likely just trying to find a way to be more involved with her kids since she is not with them full time.

When my ex remarried, I would only text with questions about our kids. Questions about times, clothes, how long etc. His wife (now ex) could not stand it. I had to stop texting the father of my kids because of her insecurities. Her problem with me got so bad, it's one of the reasons they are not married anymore. One of several I might add, my texts didn't make him divorce her ;)
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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Unless BM is being inappropriate with your DH, you need to back your truck up and let them communicate!  Some of us wish that BM and DH would have better communication, your DH and BM have it, so leave it be.

BM doesn't have to talk to you.  She did not have those kids with you, she had them with her ex.  It is appropriate for her to want to discuss them with their father. 

I wish BM in my situation would leave me alone and quit asking DH for my contact information.  I am almost never left with the skids alone, and if I am, we're almost always AT HOME, where she can call them to check on them if she wants to.  And even if we're not at home, the skids have a cellphone.  I want nothing to do with her and wish it was the same from her end.

shaag
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 11:14 AM

I would tell your husband to do what DDDaysh suggested....just let the emails accumilate for a few days and then respond to all of them in one email. I like that my DH and his ex only do email now. in fact it's even peaceful because he doesn't constantly have phone calls from the crazy woman LOL. If it is about the children then I don't see it as inapproriate. Annoying? yes. Strange? yes. And to me kind of makes her look desperate. I would just let it go. My DH reads me some of his ex's emails to him and I just bust a gut laughing because of all the lies she comes up with.

I wouldn't be too mad that your husband's ex won't speak to you because that just means less stress for you. It is their kids together and yes I understand that you are there with him and the kids everyday and that BM left dad but they are still her children and if she can make it up to her children for leaving them then I would encourage it and if not then just be their shoulder to cry on or their ear to rant to.



Quoting Vaughna15:

Yeah shes the one who left and left the kids here. She now has a new life in a different state. They are divorced and I dont think there is a need to constantly talk unless there is an emergency. I honestly think she is bored and she feels like harrassing my husband while hes at work. She needs constant attention so when she doesnt get it from her parents or her new husband she looks for it in my husband. Even if its negatove or not.



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