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I need help - you guys know it best. Should I run?

Posted by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:56 PM
  • 7 Replies
I have been dating a man for four years. We have successfully parented my kids (from a previous relationship) together with flying colors. We see eye to eye on everything. We have structure, rules, and we are happy.

His child has lived with us this summer. She is a great kid. BUT she plays Dad like no other - and HE is the one to blame. All of our rules have been shot out the window for HIS child. Making matters worse, I know it's HIS fault, not HERS. When she is with me there is no bologna, she's a GOOD kid. She doesn't pout, she doesn't back talk, and she's respectful.

I've tried time and time again to explain to him that it is not acceptable (in my house) for the rules not to be followed. Four years in, it isn't getting any better with him.

Is there any hope? Chances are she will move in with dad at the end of the summer and I'm the caregiver to her. He can't do it without the adjustments I make with my workplace. I feel bad but he won't shape up.

Help!
by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 8:56 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 9:00 PM

You need to have a heart to heart with him. Then you'll have to decide.  She's good for you... so it could be worse.

Boobear110
by Audra on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:23 PM

It took a few years and a lot of screaming ( on my part, it's what I do) at SO before he got the clue that his daughter needed to follow the rules!! Period. 

I even told him that the reason we would split up was because he couldn't make her follow rules. I had to be the bad guy all the time. 

I honestly think, looking back, that was our adjustment nightmare period. 

Flash forward 2 years and we have a peaceful, loving home. Kids are well adjusted , the adults are well adjusted. 

We have never been happier

 

mnmom300
by Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:25 PM
Was it worth two years though?


Quoting Boobear110:

It took a few years and a lot of screaming ( on my part, it's what I do) at SO before he got the clue that his daughter needed to follow the rules!! Period. 

I even told him that the reason we would split up was because he couldn't make her follow rules. I had to be the bad guy all the time. 

I honestly think, looking back, that was our adjustment nightmare period. 

Flash forward 2 years and we have a peaceful, loving home. Kids are well adjusted , the adults are well adjusted. 

We have never been happier

 


Boobear110
by Audra on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:34 PM

Absolutely, yes!! 

I didn't think so going threw it. And I did threaten to leave more then once.

it was hard for me my kids were 21,17 &12.. His was 3. I was just starting to have a bit of freedom. Bam! 3 year old.

It was an adjustment for all of us. But I love him so very much so I bitched and yelled and made my family understand that we are a family.. 

So hang in there if you can. 

I gained another child to love and then man I was meant to find :)

Quoting mnmom300:

Was it worth two years though?


Quoting Boobear110:

It took a few years and a lot of screaming ( on my part, it's what I do) at SO before he got the clue that his daughter needed to follow the rules!! Period. 

I even told him that the reason we would split up was because he couldn't make her follow rules. I had to be the bad guy all the time. 

I honestly think, looking back, that was our adjustment nightmare period. 

Flash forward 2 years and we have a peaceful, loving home. Kids are well adjusted , the adults are well adjusted. 

We have never been happier

 



baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:51 PM

Give your DH a break. Its summertime. Enjoy. Let it go. When and if you get her fulltime......worry when its time to worry.......

mnmom300
by Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 8:32 AM
He's not my DH, which is why this is a post, I'm seeing red flags. And, it's summertime, but I still have to work and I like structure. It's not like this is the first time it's happened.....it's been going on for four years. He's been talking about getting married and that's something I really need to think about.


Quoting baparrot2:

Give your DH a break. Its summertime. Enjoy. Let it go. When and if you get her fulltime......worry when its time to worry.......


Sept-babies2
by Patriot's Fan on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:54 AM
Well atleast she is good for you. I am in the same boat..except sd wont be living hete full time. I have two kids from previous relationship and he does awesome with them. When sd is here...he lets her be mean to the baby..well she is two but he doesn't care. She hits..and then lies and says it was ds who did it and ds will get in trouble. It doesn't matter if he watched sd do it..ds gets in trouble. Except...sd is very rude to me as well. She always has an attitude..even with dh..and inturupts us constantly and he lets her. I can't bring it up because he gets defensive. So my advice to you is to talk to him..and see if it changes..and if not..it might not work out...my life is very stressful and i have not found anything that works..i just don't know what to do..if dh is in denial and he lets her do whatever she wants..then he is basically telling her it is okay to be rude to everyone. Last night we got her and she is staying the whole month....i hope it will be fun but i can't have fun when sd is just a brat everytime i talk to her.
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