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Do I tell Dad??

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:21 AM
  • 102 Replies

 

Ok, things have calmed down in our houselold over the past month.  BF's daughter is getting along better with everyone, I have opened my mouth and put my foot down regarding certain things that go on in my house and overall I thought things were heading in a postive note. 

Well, this morning my boyfriend and daughter let for NC to drop he off at her aunts house for the month.  Went in her room to collect dirty towels and decided to open a draw or two.  Found a Bacari bottle!!!  She is Fourteen!!!  Do I tell Dad??  What do I do??

 

by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:26 AM
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Yes. Tell dad. Let him handle it. And don't clean her room or go in. That is his headache
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with with the PP.  Yes, you should tell dad... but then he should take care of it.

And stop snooping in your SD's room. Let him deal with that if it is what he feels the need to do. 

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:47 AM
4 moms liked this
I don't think going into SDs room to clean is snooping, OP is cleaning, not reading her diary. It's OP home, she is allowed to clean and straighten when SD is not there.

Quoting AmericanDream:

I agree with with the PP.  Yes, you should tell dad... but then he should take care of it.

And stop snooping in your SD's room. Let him deal with that if it is what he feels the need to do. 

help1027
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:48 AM

Dad is oblivious to everything around him.  Her and her friends were not acting right one night and the bottle wine I had in the frig looked a little low.  So I looked.

help1027
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:50 AM

 

Thanks ovrmyhead...I think I have a right to be concerned what is going on in my house.  God forbid something went terrible wrong.  I am responsible for these kids when they are in my house.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:53 AM
3 moms liked this
Ok. So you were snooping. Intentionally. Looking for ways to get her into trouble.

You do realize that you are about to be the cause of your own drama?

Hand the bottle to him. Then BUTT OUT.

If he decides to be a shitty parent, you cannot change that. If you decide to keep hammering at him that his daughter is awful, then you are likely to wind up hated by him and her, if that is your proposed path: leave now and save eveyone the headache.

If you are NOT a sm on a kid hating warpath, you give dad the facts and let him handle it. It is his JOB as a parent who chose custody.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this

You bet you let him know. And if he's not interested in doing anything about it, remind him that legally, he's responsible if any kids (including his daughter) get caught inebriated, are in an accident after drinking at his house, etc.

My mom let my younger brothers have keggers at our house.  She wasn't there.  I just happened to be home, took all of the kids' keys and drove everyone home.  Had to rip her a new one and remind her that by law, whether she was home or not, if it was happening at her house, she was liable (in our state anyway).

I realize that kids will experiment.  And in the presence of an adult in a controlled environment, I'm fine with that, though I still realize it's technically illegal in most states.  But when you don't have an open dialogue about alcohol and drugs and you've got a 14YO with her own danged bottle of booze, you have a bit of an issue.

As far as the snooping?  As far as I'm concerned, if it's in my home, it's not snooping.  I wouldn't read through a diary or whatever.  But I have good reason to look through drawers (for MY clothes, for garbage and for leftover food and dishes that the kids stash).  If I came upon some booze, I would most definitely let Dad know.

The challenge in your sitch is that she's now going to be at someone else's house for a month.  THEY deserve to know too so they can keep an eye out.

My 15YO SD wouldn't even THINK of drinking...she's pretty young for her age.  But at her age, both of my brothers were well into alcohol, drugs and sex.  So um....someone needs to be a parent here. IMHO of course.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:56 AM
Is your husband a bad parent?


Quoting help1027:

 


Thanks ovrmyhead...I think I have a right to be concerned what is going on in my house.  God forbid something went terrible wrong.  I am responsible for these kids when they are in my house.


help1027
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:59 AM

The hard thing is Brianna and I are just starting to come to a better place and this is going to set everything back.  I can't pretent I didn't find it.

help1027
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 12:01 PM

 

James is not Father of the Year by any means, but he does try.  He also needs to be set in the right directin most of the time.

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