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DH wants to take BM's rights

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 6:49 PM
  • 28 Replies
Where to begin, I met my DH about a year after he left his ex and took the kids. This was due to her drug and alcohol addiction, cheating, bar hopping and refusing to take care of the kids so DH could work to support the family. Anyway we met and started seeing each other, at that time they had agreed on a custody agreement of 6 months with one then 6 months with the other as long as she could get and stay clean. I know, what a stupid agreement, so she calls him one day and says I am going to the methodone clinic staying clean, living with family, and have a job. So he agreed to let her keep them for her alloted time. Mind you there was no custody agreement in place at all, so about 4 months or so in she calls and says that DH has to come get them cause she is completely strung out again and can't even feed them. Fast forward 6+ years, she has been in jail 7+ times, and in prison 3 times she is currently in prison. She has seen the kids 2 or 3 times in the 6+ years. This kids barely know who she is and she is never willing to get clean and stable for them, she has never paid a dime in support nor in any other way. DH wants to take her rights he thinks over 6 years is more than enough time to decide to put your children first. BTW I have helped raise these children since they were 2 and 3, and yes they call me mom. But I feel like if he starts a court process to remove her rights that we are just opening a door better left alone. The old saying is don't start no trouble and there won't be no trouble. So just wanted some opinions of what others think, I am sure there are some here that are or have been in the same situation.
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 6:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 7:55 PM

What would she do if he had a conversation with her about it?  We did and BM is willing to sign off.  The kids will still have the ability to talk to her and see her like we have been doing... which isn't much.  She just won't be financially responsible and the kids won't go to her if DH dies.

destiny83
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:46 PM

I'm kinda with you on not needing to open that door. If it was abuse on her part then I would, but she's basically absent anyways. I'm suprised her rights haven't been addressed in court just based on her lifestyle. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Doesn't sound like court has ever been an issue. There is no court order.


Quoting destiny83:

I'm kinda with you on not needing to open that door. If it was abuse on her part then I would, but she's basically absent anyways. I'm suprised her rights haven't been addressed in court just based on her lifestyle. 


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destiny83
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:16 PM


Oh I thought that the court would automatically get involved when a mother is going to prison and then determine whether she should keep her rights.

Quoting momof2ex1:

Doesn't sound like court has ever been an issue. There is no court order.


Quoting destiny83:

I'm kinda with you on not needing to open that door. If it was abuse on her part then I would, but she's basically absent anyways. I'm suprised her rights haven't been addressed in court just based on her lifestyle. 




MaliyahsMommy23
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 10:20 PM

I agree with you, if she receives court papers she may get angry and when she goes to court will try to get at least partial custody and they will probably grant it to her. It takes a LOT to completely take custody from a parent, at least from what i've seen in my county.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:26 PM
I think that dad would need to file something for the courts to even know that she is in prison. If no one files anything they aren't going to really know there is a problem. If dad already had them in his care at the time she was incarcerated then the state would not get involved. Only if there was no one to take the children.

Prisoners are still parents and don't automatically lose their parental rights to their children. Unless the crime was against a child or their own child. But generally, prisoners still get to see their kids so long as someone is willing to take the children there to see them.


Quoting destiny83:


Oh I thought that the court would automatically get involved when a mother is going to prison and then determine whether she should keep her rights.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Doesn't sound like court has ever been an issue. There is no court order.





Quoting destiny83:

I'm kinda with you on not needing to open that door. If it was abuse on her part then I would, but she's basically absent anyways. I'm suprised her rights haven't been addressed in court just based on her lifestyle. 







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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:27 PM
I believe Op said that mom is in prison. She won't likely be going to court. Unless she hires an attorney to go for her.


Quoting MaliyahsMommy23:

I agree with you, if she receives court papers she may get angry and when she goes to court will try to get at least partial custody and they will probably grant it to her. It takes a LOT to completely take custody from a parent, at least from what i've seen in my county.


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destiny83
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:32 PM


Oh hmm. I don't know a lot about the procedure. My SDs BM was brought to court(by cps) shortly after being convicted of an assault charge(not the first) even though DH has had custody for 8+ years. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

I think that dad would need to file something for the courts to even know that she is in prison. If no one files anything they aren't going to really know there is a problem. If dad already had them in his care at the time she was incarcerated then the state would not get involved. Only if there was no one to take the children.

Prisoners are still parents and don't automatically lose their parental rights to their children. Unless the crime was against a child or their own child. But generally, prisoners still get to see their kids so long as someone is willing to take the children there to see them.


Quoting destiny83:


Oh I thought that the court would automatically get involved when a mother is going to prison and then determine whether she should keep her rights.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Doesn't sound like court has ever been an issue. There is no court order.





Quoting destiny83:

I'm kinda with you on not needing to open that door. If it was abuse on her part then I would, but she's basically absent anyways. I'm suprised her rights haven't been addressed in court just based on her lifestyle. 









MaliyahsMommy23
by on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:40 PM
In prison or not they are entitled to their 'day in court'. If she has a court date the jail will transport her. I work in a law firm. Although all counties are different.


Quoting momof2ex1:

I believe Op said that mom is in prison. She won't likely be going to court. Unless she hires an attorney to go for her.




Quoting MaliyahsMommy23:

I agree with you, if she receives court papers she may get angry and when she goes to court will try to get at least partial custody and they will probably grant it to her. It takes a LOT to completely take custody from a parent, at least from what i've seen in my county.



Nlvonblah
by Member on Jun. 29, 2013 at 11:40 PM

I think that is a very wise statement don't start no trouble and there won't be no trouble.  The BM can only get clean for herself she cannot get clean for her children no matter how bad she may want to.  I really feel for the BM, addiction is a bitch.  I am glad the children have found a stable loving environment.  It is really about the kids.  Keep the focus on them and I think everything will be okay.  Wishing you the best.  N

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