I posted awhile back about BM attacking, biting, and fracturing SS14's thumb. Since then, SS14 has moved in with us. It has only been just over a week, but he has been wonderful. He is happy. Im sure part of that is just the "honeymoon" phase, but he genuinely hated being at BMs house.
A couple nights ago, SO brought up the thumb breaking incident. I told him I was really surprised that he didnt call CPS. He said that he didnt because he thought that CPS would take the kids away from not just BM, but away from him too. I told him he was wrong and that they would only take them away from BM. He called up his mediator yesterday to talk to her about it, and she FLIPPED. She told him that if he didnt call, and BM hurt another one of the kids, that he wouldnt be able to use this incident against her and that he might then get in trouble for it. He knew about the abuse and didnt do anything (in his eyes, he did do something because he took his son out of her house).
So now he is finally considering getting CPS involved and getting custody of his kids. One part of him wants to take them to make sure this never happens to the girls. But the other part of his doesnt think she will do it again and he has concerns about taking his kids completely from their mother. The older two will understand, but he doesnt think the younger two will. Not just that, but wouldnt BM end up with supervised visits if they were taken from her for abuse? She is also pregnant, so what would happen to her baby? SO doesnt really care about that, but I cant help but wonder. SF has major issues and we both think that once his baby is born, it is only going to get worse for the skids in that house.
He basically just doesnt know what to do at this point. He wants to make sure they are never hurt, but taking them from their mother will also hurt them. I dont want to force my opinion on him in any way. I will support him no matter what he decides, but the decision needs to come from him.
SO spoke to BM last night. For some reason, she started telling SS14 that he was only staying with us for the summer and that he wasnt allowed to make a decision on his own until he was 16. Originally BM & SO agreed on 15, and SS will turn 15 at the end of the month.
SO & BM of course got into a huge argument about this being that it was unintentionally left out of the CO. BM was fighting with SO because she thought that the kids needed "unity" and that SS wasnt behaving at her house because of SO. Im not sure how she can blame that on SO, but thats besides the point.
BM told SO that there was no way that SS was staying with us. SO explained to her how miserable SS was with her, and that she BIT HIM AND BROKE HIS FINGER. She tried at first to deny biting him, but then owned up to it. She told SO "I hate you"...and SO told her "Next time you think about hating me, think about the fact that OUR mediator, who YOU chose, told me to call CPS on you and have ALL my kids given to me and your new baby would end up in foster care." She starts crying and says "What, do you expect me to give YOU child support now?" SO tells her that he doesnt want her money, he just wants his son safe and with him. So She says "oh, well then I'll sign the new custody agreement tomorrow." I guess we now know where her thought process was on that one.
SO told her that if she ever laid a hand on any of the kids again, he wouldnt hesitate next time to call CPS. Its not what I would have done, but they are his kids and to me, it is his decision. He thinks SDs are safe with her, but that his son isnt. SS will be visiting her for dinner once during the week and one overnight every other weekend. The girls will have a choice at 15 of where they want to live.