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loneliness *kind of OT*

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:28 PM
  • 18 Replies
For some reason this week I finally realized how few "real" friends I have. I have literally only 1 or 2 friends that I sometimes get together with (it's a couple who are friends with DH and I) but she has a toddler and really can't get out much. I'm usually a busy person so I think that's why I haven't really noticed for all theses years. When we lived in Monterey 5 years ago, we did have quite a few friends we hung out with all the time, but since moving it has not been the same. I do work full-time and so does DH and we have had my 3 skids the majority of the time so I didn't really feel the need to have a lot of friends I guess. But now that BM has moved to town and the kids are with her about 50% of the time, and they are getting older and less needy, I am beginning to notice that there is not a lot of people that I could just call up and go hang out with. Part of it's my own fault because I tend to isolate myself at times, and get wrapped up with work and taking care of people, but today it kind of hit me that I am lonely. Of course DH is my best friend but sometimes I need a female to talk to or do girl stuff ( and he wants other company to hang out with too). I think what really got me in this mood was because I was trying to figure out what to do for 4th of July since BM will have the kids this year. My SIL will be coming up but I was thinking that I don't want her to feel like a 3rd wheel hanging out with DH and I but I also don't know who else to even ask to hang out. Everyone I know in the area has their own families and usually go out of town to visit their parents or relatives during holidays. My in-laws live within two hours of us but Dh has to work on friday so I'm not sure if we should leave town. Anyway, this is just my ponderings while I'm having this little pity party, I'm not sure why this is bothering me so much right now. Well, thanks for letting me vent :)
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ramita
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:36 PM
I understand your feelings. I don't have anyone that I can just call up and hang out with or just chat with. I use to, but one of them is now married without kids so they do their own thing. The other lost her husband a year and a half ago (my DH's best friend) and then moved over 3 hours away. So I understand the loneliness that your feeling quite well...
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:41 PM
Do you have kids?

If you are into church,I like the idea of finding friends there. I think it's great to have a couple of friends to eat with or just go watch a movie with.

I too,don't have many friends and I am fine with it At the moment bc I have LO. But my dh golf buddies have ladies about my age So I do hang out if my dh does.

Try to go to "any events" that may come up either via work or your dhs work. I like dhs work bc I don't like many ladies from my work in my skcial circle. Lol.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:43 PM
I like one of my bffs for the fact that even if we don't see each other very often we "text vent" every day! I appreciate it when we see each other bc then u know whats going on.

I don't go out,my friends still do so when they are all talking I feel left out. I wish they'd "vent text" once in a while. It's pretty cool. It's like twitter but with one friend. Lol.
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rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 3:48 PM
It's a tough thing to feel isolated, and it's hard to make new friends from scratch.
Quoting ramita:

I understand your feelings. I don't have anyone that I can just call up and hang out with or just chat with. I use to, but one of them is now married without kids so they do their own thing. The other lost her husband a year and a half ago (my DH's best friend) and then moved over 3 hours away. So I understand the loneliness that your feeling quite well...

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:08 PM
No, I don't have any bio kids. We are church-goers and in fact my DH is a youth minister but is currently working at a private christian university. The last church he worked at was medium-large and just very impersonal, literally the only friends or even acquaintences we made were youth leader volunteers but they are all college-age. Since my Dh changed jobs we no longer attend that church because there was a lot of silly politics going on. Anyway, we have yet to find another church ut i do want to find a good one soon. As for my co-workers, I work about 45 min from my house and all my coworkers live near the office so it's difficult to get together outside of work, also I work with a small group of people and only one of them is around my age. I don't know any of DH's coworkers but he has only worked there for about 3 months.
Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

Do you have kids?

If you are into church,I like the idea of finding friends there. I think it's great to have a couple of friends to eat with or just go watch a movie with.

I too,don't have many friends and I am fine with it At the moment bc I have LO. But my dh golf buddies have ladies about my age So I do hang out if my dh does.

Try to go to "any events" that may come up either via work or your dhs work. I like dhs work bc I don't like many ladies from my work in my skcial circle. Lol.

akm378mn
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:13 PM

I feel like I could have written your post.  I really only have one good friend who lives in my area.  I have a couple other close friends but they don't live here.  I've lived here for almost 9 years now and still have only made one friend. 

I have a toddler and find myself wishing I had friends who were in the same life stage as me... married with a young child.  It would be nice to get together with other moms (or even one other mom) and have a playdate for the kids and the moms. 

But I am not really good at being social.  At least right now I have my boy to keep me occupied, but I wish I had more friends just to get together with now and then. 

So anyways... I know exactly how you feel.  Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but every now and then it does. 

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yup, I hear you.  Now that 2 of my kids are in summer overnight camp and DH is still working crazy hours I'm looking around going "Where are my friends?".  Well, if I never have time for friends during the school year they aren't going to magically materialize as soon as my kids are gone.  I think a LOT of parents and SPs are in your same boat.

One idea is to look for social groups in your neighborhood like a Book Club or Running Club or go to a local gym if you like to work out. 

cruelella2to
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

my  best friend lives states away. people that i would consider close have super busy family lives or super busy work lives. I don't like people in usually so its hard for me to make friends. Im social and people like me i just don't trust people and i spent years tyring to hide our life so to speak because i was so miserable. my family is useless. unless im doing them a money favor i don't exist. so i feel ya. i have a toddler and i wish people woudl stop by lol.. she is wild but she naps and when she naps it would be nice to have a real conversation. maybe your friend with a toddler feels the same way you might be surprised how many peolple with kdis would LOVE an adult convo with soneone other than their husband.

I started working two years ago prior to that i had no one to talk to besides dh and i grew to resent him(it was more than just only hinm to talk to) but he would try and find "play dates" for me. find people at work with wives and we would go bowling. we moved a fair amount at that time. it was horrible i ended up feeling like a kid and i got angryer and angrier. when i started working it was a such a relief people that were in the same field as me simliar interest. it was truely amazing im on bed rest and back to full time mommy. i miss conversations about real life events lol im sooo tired of talking about cinderella or explainging why inm sweeping the floor for hundreth tinme


JLang
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 5:04 PM

I am the same! We moved to a new state a couple years ago and I still have not been able to make friends. I'm a young step mom and don't seem to fit in with my kids friends moms because I'm so much younger than they are. And the ones who are my age don't have kids and can't relate to me or expect me to go out all the time and I can't bc of the kids....just know you are not alone!

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 5:22 PM
Yes, this is true for me too. I have always acted a little "old" for my age and became a SM to a 3, 5 and 7 yr old when I was 21. I am now 27 and I have had a hard time finding friends I can relate to. I have friends in there 30s who have toddlers yet I am way younger but my stepkids are quite a bit older then their kids. People with kids of a similar age are usually in their late 30s. We also know some young adults but have little in common with them. For some reason people around here that are in their mid-twenties are typically still single and having "fun" with little responsibilites.
Quoting JLang:

I am the same! We moved to a new state a couple years ago and I still have not been able to make friends. I'm a young step mom and don't seem to fit in with my kids friends moms because I'm so much younger than they are. And the ones who are my age don't have kids and can't relate to me or expect me to go out all the time and I can't bc of the kids....just know you are not alone!


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