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SM= babysitter?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:43 PM
  • 89 Replies
1 mom liked this

I know some BM's here take issue with the B in BM.

Do SM's take issue with having their position in sk's life reduced to "babysitter" status regularly?


Personally, I really dislike it and find it condecending.  I babysit children regularly and it's not even close to a comparisson of my relationship with my SD.  After reading the descriptions of how people define their role as a stepmom, it doesn't seem like it's an accurate description of a lot of SM's.  I'm curious about other's thoughts on this.

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:45 PM
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Yes. It is condescending. I am not their nanny or sitter. I have a damn job. And my own kids.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think I am a babysitter to my ss. I wouldn't let dh make me one.

However, I am aware that legally I have about the same rights as an aunt or cousins or neighbor or family member. Which is to say, very little.
Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:56 PM
9 moms liked this
I find that nanny or babysitter term very condescending. I'm over here doing every job a mother does for her child since right after this boy turned two (dh is custodial) including doctors appointments, er/urgent care visits till God knows what time at night, nursing him while he sick, mealtime, ptc's, meeting with teachers regularly, every play assembly and most sporting events, bedtimes and bedtimes stories hugs kisses and day time snuggles, booboo's, scaring away the boogy man and snuggling away his tears when his heart aches. Reminding him every time he cries or hurts that just because momma isn't right here with him doesn't mean she isn't in his heart and him in hers. Etc and doing everything else under the sun that comes with it and people have the nerve to reduce the name down the nanny or BABYSITTER. No maam. I am not a babysitter. I am a stepmom.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:05 PM
This, only I have one kid


Quoting faerie75:

Yes. It is condescending. I am not their nanny or sitter. I have a damn job. And my own kids.

DDDaysh
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:16 PM
3 moms liked this

Is SM being used as a babysitter?  

I have babysat my neice before.  That doesn't reduce the love I have for her or make me any less her aunt.  But I am still not her parent.  And just because I love her does not give me the right to discipline her any more than a babysitter would.  

And, a SP, like a babysitter, is only responsible for the child as long as they choose to be responsible.  That is different from a parent who is legally responsible as long as they have parental rights.  

The babysitter equation is a useful one when considering certain circumstances because in many ways the rights and responsibilities of step-parent more closely mirror those of other caregivers than they do those of a parent.  That doesn't imply anything about the emotional relationship.  

And...  as far as that goes...  a huge number of kids are extremely emotionally attached to their nannies.  

shaag
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this
I do find it as condescending and take offense to it. Like someone else said when asked who I am. .I am not referred to as babysitter but as stepmom.
lovemyfriend
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:32 PM

This is the first response i've seen to the babysitter/sm reference that I actually agreed with.  You make a good point.  And it also goes both ways.  I'm not her parent, so i do not have to pick her up at X time because i am available and her parents need help.  so while sm is not a babysitter in the sense of relationships (in some cases) her actual rights / responsibilities fall right on par with that.  I will say that it took me a while to learn that, but i'm so glad that I did.  it helped all of my relationships remain healthy.  OP don't take it personally, its just a fact.  Nobody is saying that there aren't different situations.  Its all relative. 


Quoting DDDaysh:

Is SM being used as a babysitter?  

I have babysat my neice before.  That doesn't reduce the love I have for her or make me any less her aunt.  But I am still not her parent.  And just because I love her does not give me the right to discipline her any more than a babysitter would.  

And, a SP, like a babysitter, is only responsible for the child as long as they choose to be responsible.  That is different from a parent who is legally responsible as long as they have parental rights.  

The babysitter equation is a useful one when considering certain circumstances because in many ways the rights and responsibilities of step-parent more closely mirror those of other caregivers than they do those of a parent.  That doesn't imply anything about the emotional relationship.  

And...  as far as that goes...  a huge number of kids are extremely emotionally attached to their nannies.  


 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:36 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't think a SM should have to babysit her stepkids if she doesn't want to.

kristen518-06
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:12 PM
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 Being a SM is nothing like babysitting. Babysitters get paid lol

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:36 PM
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No, SM is Dad's wife, her other functions in her home is dependent on her particular situation. I don't babysit my SS.
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