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I guess I don't get it.

Posted by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:05 PM
  • 38 Replies

I guess my circumstances with my ex are different. If I were in a bad place and could not provide for my children, I would not send them to be with him (if he were not incarcerated). Though, if he were not incarcerated, we may have a different kind of relationship. So I cannot say for sure. But the circumstances, as they are, if I were in need of a third party to care for my children, I would choose my parents or my sister. 

Now lets say that DH and I split. He's paying child support, taking his visitation, he has a stable place to live and a decent income and something happened where I lost my home and was living with a friend, or at a shelter, or on the streets, or in my car... There is nothing that would stop me from placing my daughter with him until I got my self back together. 

He is a fit father. Though, he is lazier than me and more laid back about the rules. I think if he were in a positon to parent alone, he would do a good job. They just wouldn't get bathed as frequestly. ;)


BM is homeless. Her life has been going down hill for quite some time. She's not stable and is not showing any signs of working toward stability. DH has offered several times to take SS until she get help, or get her shit together. I would do her a favor, as she would not have to lug a child around to a shelter or worry about if he will have a roof over his head that night. I would also be in the best interest of SS. He would have a warm and stable environment. DH has already said he would do what he could to let BM have visitation. He'd never tell her she can't see SS as long as her requests were reasonable. (Day time, non work hours, etc) And most likely, he'd still provide the transportation. (Since we are 3 hours away.) 

No mother in her right mind would WANT her child thrown into this unstable kind of lifestyle. Especially if there were better options for them. So I can only assume that the reason BM refuses is to spite DH. It has been clear since the beginning that it is her goal to make him miserable. She has stated that herself. 


I do realize that it is not against the law, or even against our court order, for BM to live in a shelter with SS. I just think its asinine to drag him to that place when there are better options. 

by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I see it all the time.  Usually because they dont want to lose CS or are afraid they will have to pay it. 

MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:11 PM

If I had another option, no I would NOT drag my children through that.  If I HAD to, well, I'd be doing what I had to do.  I just can't see being given a choice, a GOOD choice, and disregarding it.

MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:11 PM

BUMP!

MrsWallerYea
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 He could go for emergency temporary custody which would go in affect immediately and then a court date would be set up to decide the best suitable living arrangements for the child and I'm positive that a shelter is not going to be one of them.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:14 PM
4 moms liked this

As a mother, if I were in those circumstances, DD16, would be living with her father until I could get my shit together.  No child should be homeless and it's very selfish of a mother to allow their child to experience that. 


mouthyhousewife
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:19 PM

It's not really an emergency, since SS is not in direct harm. DH has filed for a modification of custody. That's not until Sept tho. 

I really don't have the energy to have another kid full time. I WILL do whatever I can to help DH if he were to get SS, though. 

But *I* think it would be best for everyone if BM got her shit together.


Quoting MrsWallerYea:

 He could go for emergency temporary custody which would go in affect immediately and then a court date would be set up to decide the best suitable living arrangements for the child and I'm positive that a shelter is not going to be one of them.



jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:26 PM

I don't get it, either.  While I get that there are hardships that kids have no choice but to experience living in a shelter with one parent while the other has an available home for them makes no sense to me. I would also have no problem having my ex take my time if I were homeless. 

packermomof2
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:45 PM
2 moms liked this

I've been in a bad place with my kids.  I didn't even tell my ex. I didn't want my children to have to go through what we went through, but it's part of life sometimes.  

You wouldn't send your kid to his/her father, you see something in him that makes you not want to send the kid there.  I get it.  But you can't say that mom doesn't see something in her ex that makes her do the same just because you see something good in him.

I'm not saying the situation is good for the kid, I'm saying you would exactly what this mom is doing, but you don't agree with her doing it for various reasons.  There is a chance, a good one, that IF this happened to you and there was a SM she'd be saying things like this about you.

It all depends on what side you're standing on as to whether or not the same actions are okay or not.

mouthyhousewife
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 2:51 PM

I did say that if my ex was not in prison, I may feel differently about my situation. I do not like him. But generally I don't think he is a serious danger to my children. I really can't say though. I believe if he were not in prison, he still would not be an active role in our kids' lives, by his own choice. That is another story. SS knows his dad. Is comfortable with his dad. His dad is not a threat to him in anyway. And BM can say she thinks he is all she wants, she has no legs to stand on. And it is blatantly obvious that she says such things to hurt DH. 

At the risk of sounding like the crazy stepmother, at this point, it looks as tho BM is choosing her resentment towards DH over the wellbeing of her child. 


Quoting packermomof2:

I've been in a bad place with my kids.  I didn't even tell my ex. I didn't want my children to have to go through what we went through, but it's part of life sometimes.  

You wouldn't send your kid to his/her father, you see something in him that makes you not want to send the kid there.  I get it.  But you can't say that mom doesn't see something in her ex that makes her do the same just because you see something good in him.

I'm not saying the situation is good for the kid, I'm saying you would exactly what this mom is doing, but you don't agree with her doing it for various reasons.  There is a chance, a good one, that IF this happened to you and there was a SM she'd be saying things like this about you.

It all depends on what side you're standing on as to whether or not the same actions are okay or not.



anonymouse121
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 3:01 PM

he can go to court and get temporary physical custody citing that he can put a stable roof over the child's head. He can explain that he is not restricting anything from BM but wants to ensure his child is provided for adequately...

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