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please help my step son is getting married

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:58 AM
  • 8 Replies
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I've been married for 6 years to an amazing man with two amazing children Michael and Stephanie. we are both grown and out of the house now. for the majority of the time we have a raise them. with weekend visits to their moms who was usually on drugs and up to no good. but they've been very close to her. throughout the years I've done my best to teach them how to be good responsible adults. I try to be the mom that I never had. because my mom was a lot like their mom on drugs it up to no good. I tried to show them love nurturing them. when they came into my life they were both teenagers 12 and 13 years old. we have a lot of bad influences. 2 out their teenage years. their dad is very passive and not very comforting a tional it so ever. and I am opposite. so I didn't let them get away with a whole lot. so throughout the years yes we've had what's up fights. but I feel that the still love me. I may have told me that preciate it me. we both have turned out very well and it makes me feel so very proud I can't help it take some credit for that. the thing is is that sometimes Mimi not understand why I do the things that I do. and from that perspective I may just be a b**** . plus the years I know that their mom has gotten anyhow my step son is getting married in the way a lot I think that they feel that they can't like me or love me too much because it's the train their mom. I think that's what makes it so hard to be a step mother. being a stepmother is being expected to be a mother figure without the authority. but that's not me to me it's all or nothing. anyhow my step son is getting married. and I am so happy for him and for the man that he has become. what is my role at the wedding. wondering if I'm going to feel left out or how to please. I just don't know what to expect. so there is someone who could help me I would appreciate it thanks.
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:58 AM
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Replies (1-8):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 7:47 AM
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What has your stepson said he wants your role to be? There is no "should be" here, it is all based on the circumstances. how big a wedding, who is paying for it, traditional vs. nontraditional, etc.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 7:51 AM
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ask him if you're so close to him.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:34 AM
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I would ask him. Offer the things you are willing to do to help out and see what he'd like you to do. And his wife to be too.
DH had a wonderful take control bitch of a SM that we loved who wanted things to be perfect in her eyes. You don't know how glad I was that she got stuck in Egypt and could not be there on our wedding day. But there was just no telling her to back off because of her personality and we didn't want to hurt her. But if she had asked.... Just don't be like that.
RMCmata
by Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 9:55 AM
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I agree...remember he his the groom and traditionally it's the brides day. So your level of involvement might be lower not because you are a sm. But because the brides family might be wanting to handle most of it. I would let both bride and groom know you are willing to help and leave it up to them.


Quoting Polkadotted:

I would ask him. Offer the things you are willing to do to help out and see what he'd like you to do. And his wife to be too.

DH had a wonderful take control bitch of a SM that we loved who wanted things to be perfect in her eyes. You don't know how glad I was that she got stuck in Egypt and could not be there on our wedding day. But there was just no telling her to back off because of her personality and we didn't want to hurt her. But if she had asked.... Just don't be like that.

stepdiva
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:52 PM
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I think that regardless of whatever their mom has done, and dispite them being adults, they will always put their mom first. That said, I think that I would go to the wedding and just be there and just be who you are, I wouldn't back down or stand back. After all, you love him and he loves you, so just relax and don't let this stress you out. It'll all be okay and I believe that the more love and support he gets , the better! My DSS got married a few years ago and I just treated him the way I always do. His bm was there and it was all good! I was also very hesitant going into it, but as I said, it all worked out well. Good luck.
packermomof2
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 1:07 PM
2 moms liked this

I think SM's and some dad's are the majority of the people who expect SM to be a mother figure.  Most moms don't want SM being that to her kids and not all kids want SM being that either.

rebeccasmly
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I would ask him what he expects from you, what role he wants you to play. It is his wedding,

Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 7:20 PM

You can ask your SS what he expects from you, but don't be surprised if he doesn't say much; some guys leave the wedding details up to the bride.  If you have a good relationship with SS's fiance, you can ask her what she would like for you to do and offer to do whatever she needs from you.   One thing....SMs choose the color of their dress after the bride's mother and after the groom's mother so don't overstep that one piece of etiquette if you want to stay in their good graces!

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