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my step daughter manipulates her father

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:13 PM
  • 33 Replies

hi i am the step mother of a 21 year old whom i think hates my guts. whenever she comes over she quietly speaks but talks and laughs with her dad. she doesn't talk to me but when i don't talk to her either her dad says that i have an attutude. when she leaves he says you are the adult but she's 21 what does that make her. this has been going on since she was 12. this issue i have had with all his kids with him saying that i don't like his kids but they don't respect me. i don't talk to them because they prefer if i didn't. i would try to make a conversation and they would just say yes or no to whatever i ask and end it. when i come in a room his daughter walks out. when i go outside she comes back in. how can i handle this. i want to end my marriage because of this.

by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Do you want to improve your relationship with your husband's kids?

liels898
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Why on earth would you end your marriage because of this? If she's been like this since she was 12 it was and is your job to find a way to foster some type of working relationships with her. Yes, it would be great if your husband were to help out but still, get some maturity and do what you're supposed to. Sit down with her and ask her what's something that can be improved upon so that the hostility can stop being such a problem between the two of you. Ask her what the problem is and try to fix it. Something... 

pisces73
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:19 PM

yes very much but he doesn't see what i see and it always leads to an arguement like today.

 

pisces73
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:23 PM

whenever we try to get to the problem she tells him she doesn't have a problem with me but continues to disrespect me. once i was coming behind her in the house and she closed the door in my face knowing that i was behind her. he was once married to her mom long before i came along. he was also ingaged to someone else before me too so i don't know what type of relationship they had. i work with children everyday because i have an inhome private daycare. i love kids but she isn't a kid anymore. she only visits when she wants something from him. she never calls for fathers day or rarely for his birthday. they never take him out anywhere but always have their hands out. i have two girls and they never treated him like his kids treat me. they are now 15 and 22

newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this


You're right, it sounds like she doesn't respect you, it also sounds like she doesn't think much of her father either...that is how she has been taught to behave in your house by her dad...She 's been taught by him to treat you guys that way...it sounds like he's ok with that though...so, you can't change it...she's his kid, they have their system...she's an adult now...I would leave her alone and to just have her relationship with her dad, however the two want it...it's great your kids are more respectful...doesn't matter a hill of beans if your DH didn't see fit to expect the same of his...he raised his the way he saw fit...so they use him and show you little regard...that is a DH parenting issue 100%...let him deal, especially now that she's grown.

Quoting pisces73:

whenever we try to get to the problem she tells him she doesn't have a problem with me but continues to disrespect me. once i was coming behind her in the house and she closed the door in my face knowing that i was behind her. he was once married to her mom long before i came along. he was also ingaged to someone else before me too so i don't know what type of relationship they had. i work with children everyday because i have an inhome private daycare. i love kids but she isn't a kid anymore. she only visits when she wants something from him. she never calls for fathers day or rarely for his birthday. they never take him out anywhere but always have their hands out. i have two girls and they never treated him like his kids treat me. they are now 15 and 22



Momz1025
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 9:26 PM
Wow! I have some of the same issues with my 21 yr old sd...we used to be kinda close until she moved in&started trying to manipulate every situation.....ie house rules n going in my shit every time I went to work!? She still talks like a 4yr old? Lol!when she moved in also brought her unemployed boyfriend and cat!!! I had to lie to get they broke selves
out,now she only comes around when she wants $ ! I have 4 of my own who try to treat her like a sister. my dh says little..but wants me to reach out to her ? For what? I did try and she wouldnt even respond.sooooo,i Prayed about it & let go. Im Praying for you too! Love your Husband and Let go of the rest.
pisces73
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:30 PM

thank you guys so much for your inputs. it really means a lot. i am trying to let go by keeping the peace in my home by not saying anything, but like i said he thinks its me and saying that i am the adult but she is to. she's 21 and soon will be 22. she doesn't conversate with me at all when she does come visit. i have to ask her a hundred questions to get her to talk to me and i said i was tired of it. he won't say nothing while she is here but when she leaves he lets me have it with the yelling saying i just don't like his kids and i have an attitude whenever they come around. thats not true. i have sent her money when she needed it for school, when he doesn't have it i give it to him knowing what he wants with it. i have even put money on his son's book that is in prison. i'm just tired. i left and went to my mom's grave and parked and cried. my daughters found me there with the car running and crying. they embraced me so hard and started crying too. i knew then i need to let this go because its getting worse not better. but i do love him.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:55 PM
ALL of this is what I wanted to say plus I would like to add: I've been told since I was very young, no one manipulates anyone. People allow themselves to be manipulated.


Quoting newstepmom61811:


You're right, it sounds like she doesn't respect you, it also sounds like she doesn't think much of her father either...that is how she has been taught to behave in your house by her dad...She 's been taught by him to treat you guys that way...it sounds like he's ok with that though...so, you can't change it...she's his kid, they have their system...she's an adult now...I would leave her alone and to just have her relationship with her dad, however the two want it...it's great your kids are more respectful...doesn't matter a hill of beans if your DH didn't see fit to expect the same of his...he raised his the way he saw fit...so they use him and show you little regard...that is a DH parenting issue 100%...let him deal, especially now that she's grown.


Quoting pisces73:

whenever we try to get to the problem she tells him she doesn't have a problem with me but continues to disrespect me. once i was coming behind her in the house and she closed the door in my face knowing that i was behind her. he was once married to her mom long before i came along. he was also ingaged to someone else before me too so i don't know what type of relationship they had. i work with children everyday because i have an inhome private daycare. i love kids but she isn't a kid anymore. she only visits when she wants something from him. she never calls for fathers day or rarely for his birthday. they never take him out anywhere but always have their hands out. i have two girls and they never treated him like his kids treat me. they are now 15 and 22





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Nlvonblah
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:36 AM


After reading all of the posts, I can't believe you have stuck it out as long as you have.  Makes my life look pretty good in comparison.  My sd is 10 and is exhibiting the  "in the room while I'm home and out of the room while I'm away, too".  Oh, well.  I do open up to her and I keep the communication open.  She's 10.  I don't expect much.  I'm the adult, she's the child.  I would NOT tolerate under any circumstance verbal thrashings from my husband or anybody else.  Yeh, keep your sanity.  I am glad your children can comfort you.  I hope you get the help you need.  Best of luck.  Damn, now I'm kinda paranoid.  I hope I am not having to face this with my 10yr old sd in 13yrs. N  


PS:  Screw giving your DH your hard earned $$$$ to give to his KIDS!!!!!

Quoting pisces73:

thank you guys so much for your inputs. it really means a lot. i am trying to let go by keeping the peace in my home by not saying anything, but like i said he thinks its me and saying that i am the adult but she is to. she's 21 and soon will be 22. she doesn't conversate with me at all when she does come visit. i have to ask her a hundred questions to get her to talk to me and i said i was tired of it. he won't say nothing while she is here but when she leaves he lets me have it with the yelling saying i just don't like his kids and i have an attitude whenever they come around. thats not true. i have sent her money when she needed it for school, when he doesn't have it i give it to him knowing what he wants with it. i have even put money on his son's book that is in prison. i'm just tired. i left and went to my mom's grave and parked and cried. my daughters found me there with the car running and crying. they embraced me so hard and started crying too. i knew then i need to let this go because its getting worse not better. but i do love him.



Humility1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:51 AM
Hi I'm sorry that you are going through this. His daughter should be respectful towards you. Have you guys gone through counseling? I don't think that it's right for him to allow his children to mistreat you. You know wht since he's allowed this to go this far, anything his kids need, have nothing to do with it don't help him, those are his kids, and that is unacceptable behavior. Guard your heart, he needs to show his appreciation to you or even helping out his children! I'm sorry I will not let any stepkid rule my house, put these people in their place!! I used to also put money in my stepson's account all the time until his grandmother had the nerve to tell me to save for his tuition because it will cost me alot! I finally stopped because I realized I don't deserve to be disrespected in my house! Now, I charge dh and stepson for everything food, the room and board, thy actually moved into my house. I hope things work out for you, may god bless you and your family, take care.
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