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How do I make my future SD a part of the ceremony?

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:52 PM
  • 42 Replies

Hello Again All-

The other day I was in the car with my future SD and she asked if she could be a bridesmaid in my and her dads wedding next June ,and that should would pay for the dress and all. I was a little uncomfortable, because I already have my bridesmaids picked out. I was put on the spot. I didn't give her a direct answer. I just said I already have my bridesmaids picked out. I want her to feel a part of the wedding. I love her like if she was my own daughter, but then again it's my wedding day. I know that may came across a little selfish, but in the same token it's up to me and my fiance' how we want it to be, I just need some input of how to make her feel a part of the wedding and not feel as though she is excluded, I was thinkinf of having her do a reading from the bible.

Please give kind advice.



by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:55 PM
2 moms liked this

1. Dispense with the you love her like your own...you wouldn't react this way if you did. And that's ok, she's a SD. 2. How old is she? This makes a difference in your options...

destiny83
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:02 PM
1 mom liked this

You don't have to love her like your own, and you wouldn't even know if you did or could since you aren't part of her family yet- so nix that. Honestly I find it kind of sad that you didn't want to incorporate her in your wedding from the beginning.

She should be a bridesmaid, AND in my opinion have some special part in the ceremony. Dad and you could give her a necklace blessed by the priest/minister as a vow that includes her also. Or she could have a father daughter dance with her dad at reception. 

Rbrown72707
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:07 PM
2 moms liked this

Have you thought about adding a Jr. Bridesmaid?   I've seen this done in weddings and the Jr. Bridesmaids are not typically paired with anyone.  So, they can walk alone.  We did a sand pouring at our ceremony.  My 4 SD's each chose their favorite color sand.  Then, the minister invited them up to the alter.  We each poured our color sands in at the same time to symbolize that, even though we were all separate, we were now bonded together.  It was really special.  We actually still have the jar of sand in our house as a symbol. 

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Jr. Braidsmaid

Usher

Hostess (stands by guest book and welcomes guests)

Candle lighter

Or since you LOVE HER LIKE YOUR OWN: Bridesmaid. Seriously I get its your day but if she was your own, I am certain you would let her be a braidsmaid.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:59 PM
2 moms liked this
I was thinking all the same. It sounds like she is older since she offered to pay for her own dress. So flower girl might be out.

I'm just flabbergasted that someone who loves someone else 'like their own' had not even thought of how they would include their 'own' in their wedding. If I could put a big red flag on this post, it would say 'this right here ladies!! This is what we are talking about when we argue about 'loving them like your own''


Quoting Tillymommie:

Jr. Braidsmaid

Usher

Hostess (stands by guest book and welcomes guests)

Candle lighter

Or since you LOVE HER LIKE YOUR OWN: Bridesmaid. Seriously I get its your day but if she was your own, I am certain you would let her be a braidsmaid.


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Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:07 AM

I know right??I mean really? You think she would be happy her future SD wants to be part of the wedding. A bridesmaid no less.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I was thinking all the same. It sounds like she is older since she offered to pay for her own dress. So flower girl might be out.

I'm just flabbergasted that someone who loves someone else 'like their own' had not even thought of how they would include their 'own' in their wedding. If I could put a big red flag on this post, it would say 'this right here ladies!! This is what we are talking about when we argue about 'loving them like your own''


Quoting Tillymommie:

Jr. Braidsmaid

Usher

Hostess (stands by guest book and welcomes guests)

Candle lighter

Or since you LOVE HER LIKE YOUR OWN: Bridesmaid. Seriously I get its your day but if she was your own, I am certain you would let her be a braidsmaid.



child_of_fire
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:18 AM
4 moms liked this
Just came down here to the comments to make sure someone had pointed out that the whole "love her like my own" thing doesn't ring true if followed by a "but"-- especially "but I don't want her to be a bridesmaid".

Good job, ladies. Looks like y'all covered that already.

You never, ever hear BPs say, "I love my kids, BUT (something that excludes them or leaves them out)". That's because when they are your own, you would never consider leaving them out. They come first. Period.

And I say this as a CSM. Who only had three people in the wedding party-- DSD up with me and DH, and mine and DH's sisters. Because she is not just part of the family: she is the heart of the family. I would have married DH if he'd been childless but DSD was a blessing from day one and I never wanted her to doubt that I felt that way.
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Luv.My.Kidz
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Correction... is its yours and her father's wedding day. She needs to be included. If she was your daughter you would include her in the wedding.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:24 AM
Love this.


Quoting child_of_fire:

Just came down here to the comments to make sure someone had pointed out that the whole "love her like my own" thing doesn't ring true if followed by a "but"-- especially "but I don't want her to be a bridesmaid".



Good job, ladies. Looks like y'all covered that already.



You never, ever hear BPs say, "I love my kids, BUT (something that excludes them or leaves them out)". That's because when they are your own, you would never consider leaving them out. They come first. Period.



And I say this as a CSM. Who only had three people in the wedding party-- DSD up with me and DH, and mine and DH's sisters. Because she is not just part of the family: she is the heart of the family. I would have married DH if he'd been childless but DSD was a blessing from day one and I never wanted her to doubt that I felt that way.

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Luv.My.Kidz
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 12:27 AM

DF will be my boys stepfather and he asked them to be groomsmen just like he did to his other groomsmen. He asked them first just after he asked my dad for my hand in marriage and asked them for my hand. He wanted to make sure they approved of us just as much as my Dad. He NEVER would have NOT had my boys in the wedding.

Quoting Tillymommie:

I know right??I mean really? You think she would be happy her future SD wants to be part of the wedding. A bridesmaid no less.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I was thinking all the same. It sounds like she is older since she offered to pay for her own dress. So flower girl might be out.

I'm just flabbergasted that someone who loves someone else 'like their own' had not even thought of how they would include their 'own' in their wedding. If I could put a big red flag on this post, it would say 'this right here ladies!! This is what we are talking about when we argue about 'loving them like your own''


Quoting Tillymommie:

Jr. Braidsmaid

Usher

Hostess (stands by guest book and welcomes guests)

Candle lighter

Or since you LOVE HER LIKE YOUR OWN: Bridesmaid. Seriously I get its your day but if she was your own, I am certain you would let her be a braidsmaid.




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