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I need some advice!!

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 1:21 PM
  • 13 Replies
Ok, DH wants temporary full custody of his 3 kiddos, but I'm not so sure it's a great idea. BM recently had her car repoed bc she took out a title loan in order to pay her gf's probation off so she wouldn't go to jail and it didn't get paid.. She had to come up with 1646 in 21 days but decided to let it go . A few days later her gf comes home telling her she's been talking to another girl at work. They get into it and gf leaves. BM says she's done. BM also does not have a job. The past 2 interviews she's had she never went to bc something came up and she canceled. BM has a 4 mth old, no car, only has enough child support to pay rent between DH and her other daughter's daddy. DH is concerned about her not having any transportation and not being able to pay bills like electric and water. She has no car to get to work. I said take a taxi but she didn't care much for that but without a source of income she up shit creek without a paddle. DH wants temporary full custody until she gets her ducks in a row and back on her feet. He wanted to try and do it outside of court but I doubt she will agree. She won't see it as trying to help but taking care of 4 kids and being in the position she's in is going to be tough. The main reason I don't want to do it is bc we all get along for the most part and are able to communicate well and compromise without arguing anymore. I don't want things to go back how they used to be, but I also want the kids to be taken care of.
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 1:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 7:15 PM

Unless the electricity actually does get cut off, I don't see him having enough here to be able to get custody.  Trying without being able to do it is definitely going to sour relations.  

amonkeymom
by Amy on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:25 PM

Maybe your husband and his ex need to just sit down and talk about what is best for the kids... no judgement, just talk.

packermomof2
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:00 PM

My ex thought me not having a car was a reason to try to take custody.  It wasn't.  I also didn't work at the time o the custody battle, I was in the process of starting my own business.  He thought that he could use that against me.  A judge told him that it was none of his business that I wasn't working at the moment.  

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:22 PM

with what you've listed here, I don't see a basis for a change in custody.

SMInProgress
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Ever hear of the old adage "No good deed goes unpunished"? Careful what your DH is asking for. You can help out but don't let BMs problems become your problems.

Nlvonblah
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 6:06 PM


I agree. I never offer suggestions to the BM.  I don't get in between DH and BM at all. None of my beeswax!!!  Not my kids.  

On the other hand, after my brother-in-law left my sister, she couldn't pay the mortgage, she had her car repoed, she couldn't pay the electric bill so the power was turned off, she couldn't pay the water bill so she didn't have running water.  She couldn't  remain employed because she didn't have a vehicle.  She couldn't properly care for her two children because of these thing so my brother-in-law won full custody of her kids. 

I really hope the BM in this situation doesn't have to go through any of this.  It sucked and still sucks for my sister an her kids even though all of this happened almost 20yrs ago.

Best of luck to the kids involved.  N


Quoting SMInProgress:

Ever hear of the old adage "No good deed goes unpunished"? Careful what your DH is asking for. You can help out but don't let BMs problems become your problems.




AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 6:16 PM

I don't see anything that would make a good case for a custody change.  Then again, Judges are only human.

Has Bm always been "unstable" .... has she never had a job?  If she's been stable and reliable up until this point... I don't hink filing for custody is the right thing to do.

jncstepmomof3
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:06 PM
No she has never been stable or reliable. She's lived in 8 different places in 3 yrs and had 2 different jobs one of which was at same place but two different times. She walked out the first time bc of scheduling issues or something like that. A few mths later she was able to get her job back though. She's also been on again off again with gf since DH and her were divorced and every time they've been together she's lived with her and kids. They've been arrested for domestic assault while kids were there and they've fought several times after that in front of the kids as well. When they break up, the kids miss the gf and she eventually ends up getting back with her. It's been a constant on again off again relationship for the past 3 yrs. They've broke up at least as many times as she's moved and in between she's dated guys. Talk about confusing to an 8,5,&4 yr old.


Quoting AmericanDream:

I don't see anything that would make a good case for a custody change.  Then again, Judges are only human.

Has Bm always been "unstable" .... has she never had a job?  If she's been stable and reliable up until this point... I don't hink filing for custody is the right thing to do.


DDDaysh
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 9:17 PM

I can see how that would be confusing, but it's still not really anything that would change custody.  Parents are allowed to date and get new jobs.  The moving MIGHT be a reason, but even then, it's iffy.  

Quoting jncstepmomof3:

No she has never been stable or reliable. She's lived in 8 different places in 3 yrs and had 2 different jobs one of which was at same place but two different times. She walked out the first time bc of scheduling issues or something like that. A few mths later she was able to get her job back though. She's also been on again off again with gf since DH and her were divorced and every time they've been together she's lived with her and kids. They've been arrested for domestic assault while kids were there and they've fought several times after that in front of the kids as well. When they break up, the kids miss the gf and she eventually ends up getting back with her. It's been a constant on again off again relationship for the past 3 yrs. They've broke up at least as many times as she's moved and in between she's dated guys. Talk about confusing to an 8,5,&4 yr old.


Quoting AmericanDream:

I don't see anything that would make a good case for a custody change.  Then again, Judges are only human.

Has Bm always been "unstable" .... has she never had a job?  If she's been stable and reliable up until this point... I don't hink filing for custody is the right thing to do.



minimoo
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 9:31 PM
2 jobs in 8 years? Were there long periods of unemployment? She and dh have been divorced for 3 yrs?


Quoting jncstepmomof3:

No she has never been stable or reliable. She's lived in 8 different places in 3 yrs and had 2 different jobs one of which was at same place but two different times. She walked out the first time bc of scheduling issues or something like that. A few mths later she was able to get her job back though. She's also been on again off again with gf since DH and her were divorced and every time they've been together she's lived with her and kids. They've been arrested for domestic assault while kids were there and they've fought several times after that in front of the kids as well. When they break up, the kids miss the gf and she eventually ends up getting back with her. It's been a constant on again off again relationship for the past 3 yrs. They've broke up at least as many times as she's moved and in between she's dated guys. Talk about confusing to an 8,5,&4 yr old.




Quoting AmericanDream:

I don't see anything that would make a good case for a custody change.  Then again, Judges are only human.

Has Bm always been "unstable" .... has she never had a job?  If she's been stable and reliable up until this point... I don't hink filing for custody is the right thing to do.



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