A few weeks back myself, DD and skids all went to visit my family. My parents and extended family have been very active in skids life since I started dating their dad. I have always lived a distance from them though so I do not get up there to see them very much and skids only see them once maybe twice a year.
DH did not go on the trip due to work. Our plans were to arrive early evening Wednesday and leave early afternoon Saturday. So really we only had two days to spend time and see my family. There were some things skids were wanting to do next time they went down there which ended up taking up the whole day on Wed and Thurs. I knew when planning that we were not going to have much free time at all. It was a busy short trip.
So to my safe haven.... When DH and I started dating I quickly realized that little of my life was going to be a secret from BM which I didn't mind. I wanted her to know I was an open book so she knew who I was and could trust me around skids. One thing we always kept from her though was my hometown. She never asked and we never told her. In the beginning up until maybe 4-5 years ago anytime skids came with me to my parents/hometown DH was with us. BM always had a way to contact skids if she wanted to talk we just never gave her our exact location.
Times I went by myself or with my DD was kind of like an escape for me. I knew BM didn't know where I was and honestly there was some peace in that. She was never given my parents phone number, it's unlisted anyways. Up until 2 years ago, BM didn't even know the name of the town I was from. It's a very small town, very country, not easy to find kind of place. She obviously knows now because skids were finally able to remember the name and even informed me that she had friends she visits in a town 45 mins away from my hometown. That was even a little to close for comfort for me. lol
So this trip a few weeks ago we didn't tell skids until the night before we left because I didn't want BM to know we were going. The night before we left BM hadn't called to talk to skids during the times that is listed in the court order which is 7am-7pm. So after 7 DH and I went ahead and told them and they were super excited. Well, BM calls shortly afterwards and even though it was after 7pm of course we let her talk to them. They told her we were going there and it exploded. After she was done talking to skids she asked DH if she could drive down to where we would be so she could see them. Little alarms were going off because this is my safe haven! I didn't even know she had talked to DH but he had already told her no just because we had so much stuff planned and there really wouldn't be time.
Now to clarify, if BM had actually driven down to my hometown I would not have denied her seeing them. That night before we left DH sent her an email reminding her of the phone number she would need to call so she could talk to skids during the stay. We set up a google voice number since my cell phone has no reception down at my parents. (Very small town!) I had that number routed to my mom's cell phone so it would ring her phone without having to give out her actual cell number. As soon as he sent that email she sent one back stating she was still in disbelief that DH was refusing to allow her to see skids while they were in the state.
My hometown is 3 1/2 hours from where BM lives. It's not in her "area" just happens to be back in our home state where she lives.
I was tense the whole time thinking she was going to show up. My parents address is not listed anywhere, they live on a farm with an address that is nearly impossible to even describe to the UPS man! Iknew she wouldn't find their house but figured she would come to town and then call and tell the boys she was there. (If she did come) In the end she didn't.
I felt bad because DH told her no but I like having my hometown as my escape place. I have given up basically every other part of my life to be an open book for her, am I allowed to have this one thing?
Sorry so long! :(