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Can anything happen .....

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 9:38 PM
  • 48 Replies

 to SO...

Heres the story, .....

SS13.5 moved back with bm almost 2 wks ago, because of many behavioral and dis respect issues here in our home, anyways, since he has moved back with her, he hasnt wanted to talk to SO (SO calls skids nightly , this has always hppn since the speeration/divorce and bm does when they are here )..ok, whatever, his choice, so today is SO's weekend to hv sd8, so he meets bm at the pu/do spot and she tells ss to get out n go  with SO..ss doesnt want to, hes been begging her for days not to make him come here, so she tells him go,  no, you cant stay with me and takes off....so SO talks to ss , ss tells him he doesnt want to be with SO , so SO drives ss back to his moms house, watchs him go inside the door, sees him shut the door and SO leaves....immediately, bm calls SO and says, "im calling the cops on you for child abandonment(sp?), i hope your happy", he hangs up...hes home now, and so far no cops....so my question is, can she claim child abandonment if child was dropped off and seen  going in his bm's home? can anything happen to/with SO?...

They havent changed the court order yet, but im sure its coming...ss does NOT at all, want to come here, much less talk to his dad, not even on the ph...so what do you ladies think?

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 9:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 9:58 PM
I'm assuming BM was home when he dropped him off so no, I don't believe that child abandonment. She probably just frustrated b/c she wanted some "me time" I wouldn't worry too much about
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:09 PM

Seeing as the child is legally old enough to be left alone unsupervised. Does he know if BM was home? Or had plans to be home this weekend?

I think the only way he'd get into trouble is the fact that he didn't verify that an adult would be home that weekend to care for his son. 

ame4c
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:10 PM

So many things I see wrong with this situation and I am speaking from experience with the child that doesn't want to see dad.  My son hates his father and I believe it's his fathers fault for not making him go visit when he was younger.  He allowed my son to chose if he wanted to go or not.  Basically allowing the kid to be the parent.  Not cool.  Now my X is upset because the bond between them was broken.  He blames me, when I had nothing to do with it.  I have always taken the stance that it is their relationship if they want it to work it will.  I have always told my kids that I don't care if they don't go, but if their dad makes them go then they have to (this is what is court ordered).

This is your SO's kid too.  He should parent him and stop trying to pawn him off on his X because it's easier.  He will regret it in the end.  The kid sees that his dad doesn't care about him because his dad keeps sending him back to his mom's.  If they need too they should do counseling to heal the relationship, but letting the child chose is the wrong answer.

My son is now 17.  He was 10 when his father and I divorced.  He doesn't talk to his dad and his dad now spends lots of time with his sister and no time with my son.  If my X would have taken time to heal the relationship when my son was younger, it might have been a different story. Now all my son see's is his dad plays favorites and he doesn't think his dad loves him, which I'm sure is not the case.  I wish my X would have been the parent when he should have been so I don't have to watch my son hurt now.

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:11 PM

 yes, she was home...as far as her havn "me time" lol, she has that whenever she wants, she just drops kids off to whatever friend or family member who will watch them, or she will leave them with her neighbor...he JUST moved bk with her not even 2 wks ago, she cant be tired of him already , can she ? lol, smh...< that was sarcastic, im sure she is frusterated with him, but, as she use to tell us, its our home, our problem, now its HER home and HER problem ...

 

Quoting Leigh84:

I'm assuming BM was home when he dropped him off so no, I don't believe that child abandonment. She probably just frustrated b/c she wanted some "me time" I wouldn't worry too much about

 

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:17 PM

 yes bm was home, and why would he have to verify if an adult will be home at bm's house? his son lives there, full time now...SO doesnt know for sure who is in n out of her home, and ( i forgot to put this in my op) he had already told her that he wasnt takn ss until they go to court...one of the reasons is that i am no longer willing to "watch" him, yes i know, hes 13, but he acts more like 5 and is EXTREMELY disrespectful to me and started to be with SO....she was well aware of this when ss moved in with her, she did this , because she is use to  hvn her way, and she didnt want ss there this wknd...so she hurried him out of her car and took off before SO could say anything, and even b4 ss was in SO's car smh

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Seeing as the child is legally old enough to be left alone unsupervised. Does he know if BM was home? Or had plans to be home this weekend?

I think the only way he'd get into trouble is the fact that he didn't verify that an adult would be home that weekend to care for his son. 

 

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:32 PM

 i appreciate you opinion, but you have assumed on many things w/o knowing details. such as

1)he didnt pawn him off onto bm

2)he was the one doing the parenting, ss lived with us f/t , but refused to make positive changes( read other posts of mine, to many isuues to write now), SO wanted to get his son the help he seriously needs, but bm will not sign off

3)SO is a great dad, he tried to do any and everything for his son, so please, dont assume, he is trying to take the easy way out as you put it

4) i dont know where you got that SO "keeps sending him back to bm's"

5) ss knows his dad loves and cares for him, hes said it, he just doesnt want rules, his words...in factss even told a teacher that " i know dad and kmur cares about me more than my mom" the teacher emailed me and said this to me, and yes, i was the one who did all the "mom" duties, and in no way am i sayn i was mom, because i wasnt and i never wanted nor claimed to be, ive always said that im "dads gf" because thats what i am...

6)child didnt get to choose per se....child has been acting out, disrespectful, lying, manipulating and so on for the last year SO had him in a 3 month behavior program-didnt help_, 3 different therapists-didnt help_ talked with ss-didnt help-....all this in the last year, ss just wanted to live back with bm, and said that he will do whatever he has to to get to live with her...in the end, with great hesitation, and talking to many different ppl, SO made the choice to let him live with his bm, since his mom was unwilling to work with SO to get their child the help that he needs.

Quoting ame4c:

So many things I see wrong with this situation and I am speaking from experience with the child that doesn't want to see dad.  My son hates his father and I believe it's his fathers fault for not making him go visit when he was younger.  He allowed my son to chose if he wanted to go or not.  Basically allowing the kid to be the parent.  Not cool.  Now my X is upset because the bond between them was broken.  He blames me, when I had nothing to do with it.  I have always taken the stance that it is their relationship if they want it to work it will.  I have always told my kids that I don't care if they don't go, but if their dad makes them go then they have to (this is what is court ordered).

This is your SO's kid too.  He should parent him and stop trying to pawn him off on his X because it's easier.  He will regret it in the end.  The kid sees that his dad doesn't care about him because his dad keeps sending him back to his mom's.  If they need too they should do counseling to heal the relationship, but letting the child chose is the wrong answer.

My son is now 17.  He was 10 when his father and I divorced.  He doesn't talk to his dad and his dad now spends lots of time with his sister and no time with my son.  If my X would have taken time to heal the relationship when my son was younger, it might have been a different story. Now all my son see's is his dad plays favorites and he doesn't think his dad loves him, which I'm sure is not the case.  I wish my X would have been the parent when he should have been so I don't have to watch my son hurt now.

 

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:33 PM

 also, in regards to your stich, why didnt you keep to the CO? why didnt your son want to see his dad?

Quoting ame4c:

So many things I see wrong with this situation and I am speaking from experience with the child that doesn't want to see dad.  My son hates his father and I believe it's his fathers fault for not making him go visit when he was younger.  He allowed my son to chose if he wanted to go or not.  Basically allowing the kid to be the parent.  Not cool.  Now my X is upset because the bond between them was broken.  He blames me, when I had nothing to do with it.  I have always taken the stance that it is their relationship if they want it to work it will.  I have always told my kids that I don't care if they don't go, but if their dad makes them go then they have to (this is what is court ordered).

This is your SO's kid too.  He should parent him and stop trying to pawn him off on his X because it's easier.  He will regret it in the end.  The kid sees that his dad doesn't care about him because his dad keeps sending him back to his mom's.  If they need too they should do counseling to heal the relationship, but letting the child chose is the wrong answer.

My son is now 17.  He was 10 when his father and I divorced.  He doesn't talk to his dad and his dad now spends lots of time with his sister and no time with my son.  If my X would have taken time to heal the relationship when my son was younger, it might have been a different story. Now all my son see's is his dad plays favorites and he doesn't think his dad loves him, which I'm sure is not the case.  I wish my X would have been the parent when he should have been so I don't have to watch my son hurt now.

 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:40 PM
2 moms liked this

What if BM was going to be gone all weekend? It wasn't her parenting time, she wasn't required to be at home to receive the child.


Quoting kmur:

 yes bm was home, and why would he have to verify if an adult will be home at bm's house? his son lives there, full time now...SO doesnt know for sure who is in n out of her home, and ( i forgot to put this in my op) he had already told her that he wasnt takn ss until they go to court...one of the reasons is that i am no longer willing to "watch" him, yes i know, hes 13, but he acts more like 5 and is EXTREMELY disrespectful to me and started to be with SO....she was well aware of this when ss moved in with her, she did this , because she is use to  hvn her way, and she didnt want ss there this wknd...so she hurried him out of her car and took off before SO could say anything, and even b4 ss was in SO's car smh

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Seeing as the child is legally old enough to be left alone unsupervised. Does he know if BM was home? Or had plans to be home this weekend?

I think the only way he'd get into trouble is the fact that he didn't verify that an adult would be home that weekend to care for his son. 

 



ame4c
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:55 PM

My X left us so abruptly it was like he abandoned his kids too.  The kids and I went to a boy scout meeting at the local park and when we got home there was a dear jane on the kitchen table.  No signs of issues... nothing.  He just cleaned out the checking account to a -$750 and left.  My kids have watched me struggle to get my life back together finacially.  My X refuses to pay child support, even today.  I have to garnish his wages to get it.  He told my kids that I make enough money I don't need his.  My X also remarried 30 days after the divorce was final and they had a new baby 6 months later (My son did the math).

Anyway, with the way my X left, both my kids felt abandoned by their father.  My DD (who was 5 yrs old), slept with me for 2 yrs after he left because she was afraid I would leave too.  My X acted like a 12 yr old and never acted like the parent.  He got upset and hurt when the kids didn't want anything to do with him and just gave up on them.  My DD was so young that she got over it all fairly well and goes to see him every other weekend. My son refused and my X didn't make him go.  He also doesn't show up for anything such as parent teacher conferences, football games, band concerts or even when my dd was in the hospital for 3 weeks.  It was like he left us and was moving on and didn't care about his kids and this is how my son felt.  Only, he was older and voiced his opinion so my X and his new wife didn't want to listen to all of that.

There is alot more, but the main reason my son and his dad don't get along is because his father never acted like the parent.  If he would have tried to mend the relationship, then my son might have different feelings.  Now my X just gives up and doesn't even call his son.


As for your skid, I'm not sure how I would handle all that.  I do have a skid that lives with me full time, who has a mother very much like the BM you describe.  Although I think she is a little better because our BM doesn't care enough to even come see her kid.  IDK what her deal is really.  My Skid is visiting her now and I worry she doesn't parent him and he will come back and want to act the same here.  I know she is doing him no justice letting him hang out all night and doesn't keep watch of him.  I'm scared he will get into drugs, although my DH thinks his son is a perfect little angle and would never do those things.  My skid is longing for acceptance, I think he possibly could be talked into it, especially since his older brother is heavy into the stuff.  Anyway, I can see where your concerns are and I know my DH has a lot of the same concerns for my skid.  I think he isn't as strict on him as we are my kids because he is afraid that my skid will leave to live with his mom.... Lots of issues with that.

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:58 PM

 actually, SO told BM that he wouldnt be taking ss until a) he wants to change and respect the ppl and SO in our home  and/or b) until they go to court and have the CO changed....ss from day 1 after being back at his moms, has refused to talk to his dad, he also has been telling his mom that he doesnt want to go to dads, as of the last few days, hes actually been begging her not to go to dads(sd told SO this)and bm told SO some of it also...so why would bm just take it upon herself to at the last minute, force something that was previously talked about? why? because this is how its always been, its always been about her.....in all honesty, i didnt want to make this post into a debate, but its fine, i have no problem answering questions, but its just hard to have to explain yourself and the actions of SO to ppl, and sometimes i dont put everything in , and so then it starts with ppl sayn this that n the other when they (not you) dont know the details and they just assume...i dont believe you are sayn anything mean, and i know u have a bm from hell, i do too, i just didnt put that in this post...anyways...sorry for venting to you...so i guess my answer is, if she wasnt going to be home, then she should hv made arrangements for her son, being that her and SO spoke a wk  ago and she was informed of what he was doing and she didnt say no to it, in fact, lol, she said ok

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

What if BM was going to be gone all weekend? It wasn't her parenting time, she wasn't required to be at home to receive the child.

 

Quoting kmur:

 yes bm was home, and why would he have to verify if an adult will be home at bm's house? his son lives there, full time now...SO doesnt know for sure who is in n out of her home, and ( i forgot to put this in my op) he had already told her that he wasnt takn ss until they go to court...one of the reasons is that i am no longer willing to "watch" him, yes i know, hes 13, but he acts more like 5 and is EXTREMELY disrespectful to me and started to be with SO....she was well aware of this when ss moved in with her, she did this , because she is use to  hvn her way, and she didnt want ss there this wknd...so she hurried him out of her car and took off before SO could say anything, and even b4 ss was in SO's car smh

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Seeing as the child is legally old enough to be left alone unsupervised. Does he know if BM was home? Or had plans to be home this weekend?

I think the only way he'd get into trouble is the fact that he didn't verify that an adult would be home that weekend to care for his son. 

 

 

 

 

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