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For custodial sm- do you spank your skids?

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:47 PM
  • 71 Replies
I'm the full-time caregiver of my 3yr old SD, whom my husband has full custody of. My SD sees her bm for supervised visitation every other weekend and wed night. Btw- I get along just fine with bm the majority of the time. I have always been pro-spanking, always with the assumption that my discipline choices would pertain to my own bio children. My husband doesn't agree with it, and the bm has given me her blessing to spank my SD only in the event that she does something really bad/disobedient to deserve it. They are both total pussies regarding discipline of all kinds, and are not around her near as much as I am. Since she was put into bf's and my care almost 2 years ago, I've grown EXTREMELY close with my sd, and have done a stellar job keeping/getting her behavior close to perfect....in my care. Granted, she acts like the toddler that she is at times, trying my patience to the highest degree, but in general shes just naturally a good/ easy kid. However, over the past few months, she has started talking back ( naturally more verbal), not listening, and just acting out in general, for many reasons I'm sure. Of course we use time-out as our first-line punishment, and more often than not, just the threat of it gets her in line. BUT,she has more frequently been behaving in ways that I truly feel warrants a pop on the butt, but my husband does not agree. I have spanked her only once in the past when she swung at my face in anger, which, after explaining the event to them, both bio rents agreed it was deserving. So, I'm just curious as to how any of you SMS out there, whom are the caregiver of your skids often enough to face this same dilemma, have handled this problem. Btw-I have no bio kids, and my husband has no other kids living in the home, so my SD is the only kid we have. Advice, please?
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
....ClvrScn.
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:53 PM
Nope uh uh no way - don't do it! In some states you could get charged for assault ( not in Ohio, but in some )
Raspberry393
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:54 PM
6 moms liked this
your SD hit you so you decided to teach her not to hit by hitting her.... I see the logic.

I'd respect your husband wishes.
JacyB
by Bronze Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:58 PM
6 moms liked this

Say it with me:


It is ALWAYS wrong to strike other people's children. My personal opinion is that you shouldn't hit your own children either, but it is is NEVER acceptable to hit children who aren't yours.

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:00 PM
1 mom liked this
If dad, your spouse, says no - don't do it.
ramita
by Silver Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:00 PM
My SS is 7 and I have spanked him about 4 times. I am a SAHM and currently there is no contact between the BM and SS and there hasn't been much in a year and a half. Those times only happened because he harmed someone or because after several days of me constantly sending him to his room he's still acting out and going back to his room within 5 minutes of being out.

I do have 2 kids of my own and I have spanked them for the same reasons. However considering your circumstances I would avoid it at all cost. Simply because it will cause problems for you.
tamithaR
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:02 PM
Update- I would never feel comfortable spanking ( regularly) a child that isn't mine, especially when both her bio parents ask that I don't. My question is more so to find out how any other SMS in my position handle the major frustration of this. Sorry, I didnt originally word my post clearly enough
tamithaR
by Member on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:02 PM
Update- I would never feel comfortable spanking ( regularly) a child that isn't mine, especially when both her bio parents ask that I don't. My question is more so to find out how any other SMS in my position handle the major frustration of this. Sorry, I didnt originally word my post clearly enough
ame4c
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:03 PM

I am the full time caregiver of my skid and I would NEVER spank him, not because I don't believe in spanking because I think it has it's place.  But I believe that is the parents and ONLY the parent's job.  ONLY his father or his BM should be spanking him if that is what is decided for punishment.

Sounds to me as a step mom you need to learn your place.  I know you take care and love this child as if it were your own, but you have to face the fact it is not your child and you are no more than a glorified babysitter.  Doesn't mean you can't love this child or care for them, but it does mean there are times you need to step back and let her parents handle the situation.

destiny83
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:13 PM
1 mom liked this

My personal opinion is that hitting is stupid. She's combative, you wop her, and then you wonder why she takes a swing at you. A lot of people feel this way including her parents so...you are way out of line.

Talk to some other moms who have been there done that. Time outs etc tend to be more effective because they suck more.

krazykiddles
by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 11:18 PM

No way! Not my kids not my problem! Discipline is up to DH and BM only!

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