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How about we NOT go in public anymore.

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:48 AM
  • 30 Replies

Ladies I have an issue I need some help on.  Well, I have plenty of "issues" but lets get this one worked out first.  ;)  Here is the deal, my 10 year old stepdaughter talks about people.  Anytime we are in public she points people out.  Example "his hair is ugly", "look at that shirt".  This is constant.  I always tell her to stop being mean but it's not helping.  I am talking to her dad about it tonight when we have our "sit down talk" but I wanted to know if any of you ladies have gone through this and what you did about it.  Fast forward, my 6 year old daughter now does the same thing.  For her, I am not so nice.  I told her the first few times to stop talking about people and explained how rude that is but now I am thinking I am going to start taking more drastic steps.  I don't sit around with my girlfriends and "gossip" about other people and I don't talk about how ugly somebody is so I am pretty peed off about her doing that.  It's been a little less than a month since she started doing that so I'm hoping to nip it in the butt before it becomes even worse.  Any suggestions you have are appreciated and wanted.

by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Tell her I'd the person hears her they might want to confront or smack her.
MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:24 PM

She knows I wouldn't let anyone touch her.  But a confrontation is something I have given a lot of thought to.  I've thought about making her tell the person what she said about them and then having her apologize but I don't want to hurt someones feelings if they didn't hear her. 


Quoting faerie75:

Tell her I'd the person hears her they might want to confront or smack her.


 

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Dude where I love is ghetto I guess cuz if u talk loud shit ppl will say stuff. I told my kids don't talk no shit, won't be no shit. Haha
MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:31 PM
1 mom liked this

See, that's how it was for me.  If you said something, you had to stand your ground and more likely than not fight.  


Quoting faerie75:

Dude where I love is ghetto I guess cuz if u talk loud shit ppl will say stuff. I told my kids don't talk no shit, won't be no shit. Haha


 

amonkeymom
by Amy on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Have you tried asking her how she would feel if the tables were turned and others were talking about her like that?  Would it hurt her feelings?  She needs to understand that she shouldn't do things to/about others that she wouldn't want done to/about her.

Amy1973Potts
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:54 PM
And where is dad when this happens? What does he have to say? He needs to be on board with handling this too.
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MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:58 PM

We usually go to the store alone, just me and the kids.  He hasn't heard her do it yet.  Either that or he's so use to it that he doesn't notice.  I am bringing it up in our talk tonight. 


Quoting Amy1973Potts:

And where is dad when this happens? What does he have to say? He needs to be on board with handling this too.


 

MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:01 PM

She has eczema?  I have no idea how to spell it.  Everyone asks her "what's wrong with your face" and I've had to tell several people to mind their own damn business.  I would think having experienced it, she would understand what being made fun of feels like.  Or maybe she makes fun of others because of this?  None the less, I have explained that to her but it hasn't done any good yet. 


Quoting amonkeymom:

Have you tried asking her how she would feel if the tables were turned and others were talking about her like that?  Would it hurt her feelings?  She needs to understand that she shouldn't do things to/about others that she wouldn't want done to/about her.


 

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:09 PM
1 mom liked this
If she is usually saying negative things you could have her say 3 positive things (or write 3 positive things) for every negative comment. Learned optimism.
liels898
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting MrsMiles85:

She has eczema?  I have no idea how to spell it.  Everyone asks her "what's wrong with your face" and I've had to tell several people to mind their own damn business.  I would think having experienced it, she would understand what being made fun of feels like.  Or maybe she makes fun of others because of this?  None the less, I have explained that to her but it hasn't done any good yet. 


Quoting amonkeymom:

Have you tried asking her how she would feel if the tables were turned and others were talking about her like that?  Would it hurt her feelings?  She needs to understand that she shouldn't do things to/about others that she wouldn't want done to/about her.




She might be lashing out just to make herself feel better. That tends to be the cause if it's not a learned behavior. I'd simply keep telling her that she's being rude and she would get privileges taken away each time she insisted on doing it. I wouldn't get her to tell someone what she said and make her say sorry because one, yes, that would hurt someone's feelings, and two, a forced sorry rarely makes a child actually feel sorry about what they did. 

I think I'd also sit down with her and ask her flat out, why she thought it is okay to judge other and say bad things about them. Not getting on to her or anything, just simply asking. You might already know the answer or it might be something completely different. Then you'd have a better understanding of where it's coming from and how to deal with it. 

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