Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Charging DH for kids mess (L&L style)

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 9:19 PM
  • 31 Replies

I'm at a loss of how to deal with the skids messes.  I don't ask anything of them (that's a long story - but I just don't) but I DO ask DH to "make sure IT'S taken care of" and he can either ask the skids or do it himself, whatever he likes. I'm not their maid.  So, sometimes he doesn't pay attention or isn't there.  I decided to "charge" DH  in Love & Logic style - you know - "I'm happy to take care of it but I charge hefty fees"  I'm not sure how to make him "pay up" but we have decided on a monthly allowance each of us gets for our own spending money and I can always just reimburse myself the way we have it set up - Anyways - what do you ladies think about this approach to this frustration?  I'm frustrated from feeling resentful and having no one around that cares more than me about their stuff.  At least this makes me care a little less if I'm getting somewhat compensated.  ;)

by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 9:19 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Hmmm I think your logic is fine but I can tell you one thing for sure - my husband would not be pleased with me treating him as a child in a parenting book ....
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:10 PM

yeah, I don't know about using L&L on an adult partner.

How about hiring a cleaning lady?

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:15 PM
2 moms liked this
I asked my husband tonight what he thought about us hiring someone twice a month to do the random cleaning that I can't get to recently. Like baseboards and ceiling fans, bathrooms etc.
he said we are just lazy and need to get more exercise which will give us more energy.

..........

I said ok you go get more exercise, I'm going to keep working my 45 hour a week job, work a little harder on home cooked meals and hire a maid.... Lol

Quoting whatIknownow:

yeah, I don't know about using L&L on an adult partner.

How about hiring a cleaning lady?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:20 PM
Charge him $$$ each time you have to clean after SKs.
Or hire housekeeper and make him to pay for it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:22 PM

Well, you are not a maid. And your dh clearly doesn't care to make his kids pick up after themselves or will do it for them. 

I would not do anything for any of them. Let their shit pile up...dirty clothes, dishes, whatever. I'd be willing to bet once they run out of clean underwear and socks and have no clean plates and forks someone picks up.

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 11:26 PM
I would hire a maid once a week instead of taking some of my dhs "allowance"
DDDaysh
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 Have you guys tried counseling first? 

I don't disagree with what you're saying, in theory, but to just suddenly start treating him like a child will probably not go over well. 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:42 AM
2 moms liked this
I think it sounds like a great idea! Lol So what if he feels he is being treated like a child. He's acting like a child! He's a grown ass man and just like you aren't their maid, you aren't his mom. You shouldn't be stuck with the responsibility of "making" him handle his responsibilities. They're HIS responsibilities. He should just handle them!

With that said, I would approach the conversation gently. Lol because he probably won't like it, but you don't like the situation he has put you in either. I think it's fair! Why should you have to live in filth because he and his chose not to handle their shit?
minimoo
by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 12:25 PM
Ugh...I want a maid. I don't know how I'm going to keep up w it all when I start working. Most of my neighbors have maids. Most of them are also sahms. I couldn't justify one staying home, but now...hmm.

My grandma had cleaning ladies when I was growing up. She had a huge 8000+sq ft house, beautiful 1800s style house. She was really anal about cleaning too. That coupled with her medical/memory issues due to strokes, she usually "fired" them frequently. Nobody kept it to her standards. They would always called my grandpa "your wife just fired me again. She found a spot of dust." He would respond "haha thanks for letting me know. I will see you again on Wednesday." Grandma always forgot she fired someone. We had to laugh; shortly before she passed, she had extreme dementia and some at home nurses. She kept trying to fire the nurses BC she thought they were cleaning ladies and could not understand why they just weren't doing their jobs. She would call me or her mom "this lady refuses to vacuum and when I told her to get out, she won't leave!" It was adorable. One of us would go over, calm her down and distract her. After Grandma passed, I started cleaning for my grandpa (summers and weekends while I was in school). It was great BC he would come home for lunch and we would hang out before he went back to his office. I think he just needed some companionship more than anything (although poor man did not know how to do his own laundry). I never regret those days.


Quoting momof2ex1:

I asked my husband tonight what he thought about us hiring someone twice a month to do the random cleaning that I can't get to recently. Like baseboards and ceiling fans, bathrooms etc.
he said we are just lazy and need to get more exercise which will give us more energy.

..........

I said ok you go get more exercise, I'm going to keep working my 45 hour a week job, work a little harder on home cooked meals and hire a maid.... Lol


Quoting whatIknownow:

yeah, I don't know about using L&L on an adult partner.

How about hiring a cleaning lady?





fivegirls333
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 12:50 PM

you may be treating him like a child...but he is treating YOU like a maid.  pay up!  (that would sure make me feel better)  -and i would put it up on the wall so that the kids know what he is paying also!!!  i bet they would start to help dear dad save some cash!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN