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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

your side of the street...

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:01 PM
  • 74 Replies
from time to time I read things on here from other stpmoms that I find appalling and I think along the lines of " and you're the reason they add wicked to SM and give us all a bad name."
I was wondering if this was true for others and if so what really bugs you from your side of the street? What makes you cringe when other SM's say it?

The same for moms, what bugs you when you hear other mothers say it in regards to a step situation?
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kmLacey
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm quite sure that what may have triggered your post may be the same posting that triggered my exact thoughts. As I replied to said post....I work hard to make my SD feel an equal part of my family and it breaks my heart when she feels left out. How could you intentionally try to leave your hisbands child out of family events, or any event for that matter. I get it is not easy, but when marrying someone with children, you know the situation you are entering, not all of it but at least that there will be a child in your life forever. It makes me sick to think someone would be jealous towards a poor child who only wants to spend time with their parent. Wicked indeed.


Quoting Raspberry393:

from time to time I read things on here from other stpmoms that I find appalling and I think along the lines of " and you're the reason they add wicked to SM and give us all a bad name."

I was wondering if this was true for others and if so what really bugs you from your side of the street? What makes you cringe when other SM's say it?



The same for moms, what bugs you when you hear other mothers say it in regards to a step situation?

Raspberry393
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:12 PM
no, not really, bad timing on my part. This came about from a post a few days ago, I was appalled at a response and it stuck in my head and it made me think if I were bm, I'd be livid- glad that's not me. It got me thinking is all.

Quoting kmLacey:

I'm quite sure that what may have triggered your post may be the same posting that triggered my exact thoughts. As I replied to said post....I work hard to make my SD feel an equal part of my family and it breaks my heart when she feels left out. How could you intentionally try to leave your hisbands child out of family events, or any event for that matter. I get it is not easy, but when marrying someone with children, you know the situation you are entering, not all of it but at least that there will be a child in your life forever. It makes me sick to think someone would be jealous towards a poor child who only wants to spend time with their parent. Wicked indeed.




Quoting Raspberry393:

from time to time I read things on here from other stpmoms that I find appalling and I think along the lines of " and you're the reason they add wicked to SM and give us all a bad name."


I was wondering if this was true for others and if so what really bugs you from your side of the street? What makes you cringe when other SM's say it?





The same for moms, what bugs you when you hear other mothers say it in regards to a step situation?

AnnieChristian
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:16 PM
2 moms liked this
Many things I read on here make me cringe but the worst is, "I love them as my own but..." and that 'but' is almost always followed my something unfair or selfish.

I know I am an awesome SM but I don't pretend I love my step kids "the same" as I love my own children, that's a totally different kind of love that I find insulting to compare. I love them dearly, treat them fairly, and spread my attention equally-when they are with us. When they are at home with their mom, I miss them & do think of them daily but I know, I would go insane if I have to be separated from my sons for as long as I have to be separated from my step kids. I don't make decisions for myself with step kids in mind unless they are home with us and it will affect them, I ALWAYS make choices with my own in mind because regardless, I feel everything I do affects and reflects on them. Being a mother and being a SM are totally different roles, they may have similar "appearance" but are rooted very differently on deep levels. I hate for a SM to throw that overused and fake phrase around when they clearly aren't anywhere even close to meaning it. Often these are women who don't have their own children so I write it off as just being ignorant of what real motherhood feels like.
NonSMom
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 11:41 PM
2 moms liked this

 As a mother, I cringe when I know other moms express insecurity over their roles as moms. C'mon, NO ONE can take a mom's place,; never a SM, not even the best ones. It's okay to let your kids love freely.

krazykiddles
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 12:12 AM
3 moms liked this

I can't stand when either a BM or SM bad mouth the other in front of the kids.  Leave them out of it.

FindersKeepers
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this

My pet peeve is people who make this type of comment.   I do not have any natural kids and my step kids are my only chance to be a MOM.   Maybe I don't have anything else to compare it to, but I love them, miss them when they are not around, worry for their safety and plan my life around them.   They were very young when I became part of their lives and do not remember life before me.   Regardless of my sleepless nights, tears and cleaning up puke... there is always someone ready to remind me that I am not a "real mom". 


Quoting AnnieChristian:

Many things I read on here make me cringe but the worst is, "I love them as my own but..." and that 'but' is almost always followed my something unfair or selfish.

I know I am an awesome SM but I don't pretend I love my step kids "the same" as I love my own children, that's a totally different kind of love that I find insulting to compare. I love them dearly, treat them fairly, and spread my attention equally-when they are with us. When they are at home with their mom, I miss them & do think of them daily but I know, I would go insane if I have to be separated from my sons for as long as I have to be separated from my step kids. I don't make decisions for myself with step kids in mind unless they are home with us and it will affect them, I ALWAYS make choices with my own in mind because regardless, I feel everything I do affects and reflects on them. Being a mother and being a SM are totally different roles, they may have similar "appearance" but are rooted very differently on deep levels. I hate for a SM to throw that overused and fake phrase around when they clearly aren't anywhere even close to meaning it. Often these are women who don't have their own children so I write it off as just being ignorant of what real motherhood feels like.


 

SMInProgress
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 1:06 AM

At least this site has some truly concerned & caring stepmoms that are looking for ways to deal with their stepkids. There's another site that is just so full of hate towards their steps. You should read what they say about the kids...even the young ones. It blew my mind. This site to me is at least peppered with some compassion.

AnnieChristian
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 1:37 AM
That is exclusively in reference to a SM who tries to cloak a selfish, unfair idea/decision/statement/treatment as "I love them as my own but..."

For example, a SM posted on here recently that she loves her SD as her own child but did not want her to be a bridesmaid in her & the father's wedding because it was HER day & she had picked her bridesmaids already. The way I feel is, if she had children of her own, there is no way her children would not be included in HER day so why pretend you love her as your own?

I've been a SM since my SKs were 1 and 2, before my oldest son was born, I used to think I loved them as I would my own but that was before I realized it was a totally different kind of fierce love that I never had felt my whole life for anyone else. I don't intend to minimize another SMs good intentions, but examples like the one I gave above, are ridiculous & that is what makes me cringe.


Quoting FindersKeepers: My pet peeve is people who make this type of comment.   I do not have any natural kids and my step kids are my only chance to be a MOM.   Maybe I don't have anything else to compare it to, but I love them, miss them when they are not around, worry for their safety and plan my life around them.   They were very young when I became part of their lives and do not remember life before me.   Regardless of my sleepless nights, tears and cleaning up puke... there is always someone ready to remind me that I am not a "real mom".
 
packermomof2
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 2:15 AM
2 moms liked this

I can't stand when mom's say other mom's have role security because they don't want an overinvolved SM.   Like their way of being mom is the only right way.

shaag
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 2:24 AM
1 mom liked this

My pet peeve is the SMs that say their kids are not siblings of skids even though they share the same dad. I am sorry but if they have the same dad as your kids or the BM has kids those ARE skids siblings!!!!! Or the SMs that try to plan all family things around when they WON'T have skids because they say they aren't family but a pest! These are your DH's kids and they deserve the same respect and kindness as your biokids with DH. Just my opinion

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