Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Sometimes you just gotta,shake your,head at BMs....

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:47 PM
  • 28 Replies
As a SM I know how,much SD loves her extracurricular activities ESPECIALLY,during summer. But I gotta,admit it kinda sucks,when you hear she hasn't gone for over a month because it's BMs exDHs only day off and it's much important for her to fix her disintegrated marriage than for her daughter to do the one thing.she loves amongst the chaos.....oh well if it don't bother DH why should it bother me....it just sucks because if I wasn't able to do an activity I love because mom wants to "talk" or bereave etc I'd be bummed too but hey it's one of those just shake your head and move on...

Any thoughts?
by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 9:47 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:07 AM
2 moms liked this
How many has she missed? Does she attend during the school year? I feel the way you do about ECs and just had ECs added to a new court order because of this non sense however, I am all for summer break. We don't do anything over the summer. No soccer, no dance, no band - oops I take that back - we have attended two private lessons for band. But during the summer, we are on a much different schedule and I get lots of ME time. During the school year, everything revolves around the kids and its here and there and back again.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
shaag
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 3:49 AM
1 mom liked this

When BM was CP she wouldn't allow SS to be in sports except on 2 occasions in 14 years and those were the 2 years that he was really voicing that he wanted to live with his dad. Now that DH has custody SS is in sports that he enjoys doing and BM throws a fit because SS has a lot of  "activities" scheduled during her time. But DH stated on the stand at the custody trial that SS would have more of a chance to be active in sports so she knew it and the judge knew it. When SS was in basketball she made SS miss games because she wanted him to watch her other 2 kids (his halfsiblings) so that she could go out and SS was very upset because he had to miss out. Oh and did I mention that BM put her other 2 kids in ECs this summer (one is doing swimming and the other one did soccer)? But at the same time those 2 are in ECs she is complaining about SS being in ECs. Don't know if BM would even follow the CO if DH had it put in there about ECs but him and his lawyer have discussed that possibilty.

I think kids are only kids once and being involved in ECs is part of being a kid. 2 of my kids were in ECs this summer also. In fact SS and DS both did baseball and DD did softball and they usually all had a game on the same day in different towns and times close together. LOL When I say times close together here is an example...There was one day where DS's game was at 5pm (home game), SS's game was at 5:30pm (away game) and DD's game was at 6pm (away game) and both away games were like 30 minutes from where we lived. LOL But not once did I complain about all the running I have to do for the kids to be in ECs not even for SS. That's part of being the parent/adult.


AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Jul. 10, 2013 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this

That`s what I would do. Maybe have it worded so it makes it clear that if the child wishes to attend ECs throughout the whole year (including summer breaks etc.), the parent she is staying with at the time is responsible for on-time transportation to and from those activities. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

How many has she missed? Does she attend during the school year? I feel the way you do about ECs and just had ECs added to a new court order because of this non sense however, I am all for summer break. We don't do anything over the summer. No soccer, no dance, no band - oops I take that back - we have attended two private lessons for band. But during the summer, we are on a much different schedule and I get lots of ME time. During the school year, everything revolves around the kids and its here and there and back again.


CFSTBSM27
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this
ECs are during school and summer. She hasn't been in The last month (to my knowledge from DH) and she goes once a,week for 1-2 hours (unless their is a summer program change of which I am unaware)
Idk if their CO mentions ECs or not since DH seems blissfully unbothered by it I haven't provoked any questions. I just think it's a little unfair especially since starting summer vacation she had not done much but sit at home alone till her mom gets home. I can literally just shake my head because it's her decision on how she prioritizes things with her child and if my husband won't even bring it up then I guess there's not much to do....it just sucks what a lame summer for a kid


Quoting momof2ex1:

How many has she missed? Does she attend during the school year? I feel the way you do about ECs and just had ECs added to a new court order because of this non sense however, I am all for summer break. We don't do anything over the summer. No soccer, no dance, no band - oops I take that back - we have attended two private lessons for band. But during the summer, we are on a much different schedule and I get lots of ME time. During the school year, everything revolves around the kids and its here and there and back again.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:30 PM

 BM here doesnt do shit but stay up her bf's ass or fight w her bf or lock herslef in her room w her bf. it sucks but not much we can do.

CFSTBSM27
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:33 PM
That's why The shit part is just gotta sit back and say nothing it's not detrimental just unfortunate.
Wow locking yourself in a room geez.........


Quoting faerie75:

 BM here doesnt do shit but stay up her bf's ass or fight w her bf or lock herslef in her room w her bf. it sucks but not much we can do.


packermomof2
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:44 PM

I'm usually a big advocate of EC's for kids.  But I'm also a big fan of marriages staying together and when you look at working on a marriage that might be crumbling or an EC, I'm siding with the marriage.  You may not agree, but you said it yourself, it shouldn't bother you.  You may have a blissful marriage, one that doesn't need work, and great for you if that is the case, but if you were faced with EC's or working on a marriage that was going downhill you might change your tune.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:56 PM
I know. That sucks. I actually do feel guilty that my dd 12 has to sit at home while I work during the summer. She has out grown all of the programs around here and there aren't any camps that go all day. I try to plan things for her to do like a day with a friend that has a SAHM or with my mom and dad. Right now she is with her own dad and Sm so that kind of takes that guilt away for now. Sm is a SAHM and they stay pretty active while she is there. Maybe something else has come up that caused her to have to miss? Just throwing out some ideas.


Quoting CFSTBSM27:

ECs are during school and summer. She hasn't been in The last month (to my knowledge from DH) and she goes once a,week for 1-2 hours (unless their is a summer program change of which I am unaware)

Idk if their CO mentions ECs or not since DH seems blissfully unbothered by it I haven't provoked any questions. I just think it's a little unfair especially since starting summer vacation she had not done much but sit at home alone till her mom gets home. I can literally just shake my head because it's her decision on how she prioritizes things with her child and if my husband won't even bring it up then I guess there's not much to do....it just sucks what a lame summer for a kid




Quoting momof2ex1:

How many has she missed? Does she attend during the school year? I feel the way you do about ECs and just had ECs added to a new court order because of this non sense however, I am all for summer break. We don't do anything over the summer. No soccer, no dance, no band - oops I take that back - we have attended two private lessons for band. But during the summer, we are on a much different schedule and I get lots of ME time. During the school year, everything revolves around the kids and its here and there and back again.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:58 PM
Is there any way you can offer to take her for her mom. So mom can deal with her marriage issues and your sd can attend her EC?


Quoting CFSTBSM27:

That's why The shit part is just gotta sit back and say nothing it's not detrimental just unfortunate.

Wow locking yourself in a room geez.........




Quoting faerie75:

 BM here doesnt do shit but stay up her bf's ass or fight w her bf or lock herslef in her room w her bf. it sucks but not much we can do.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CFSTBSM27
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:00 PM
I can understand that but a better term would,be relationship since they are already divorced HOWEVER unless they have some therapy session scheduled same time same day I don't see why they still haven't been taking her? They can go together and watch right?

I'm all for people staying but I don't see how sparing 1-2 will set her mother back on fixing a relationship
Quoting packermomof2:I'm usually a big advocate of EC's for kids.  But I'm also a big fan of marriages staying together and when you look at working on a marriage that might be crumbling or an EC, I'm siding with the marriage.  You may not agree, but you said it yourself, it shouldn't bother you.  You may have a blissful marriage, one that doesn't need work, and great for you if that is the case, but if you were faced with EC's or working on a marriage that was going downhill you might change your tune.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)