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Seriously???

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:36 AM
  • 26 Replies

DH recently had yet another court date because BM was once again asking for more money.  I have one SD who is fantastic and I love her to death.  She's a great kid.  Good news is that the judge denied her request but we do have to go back in August for a trial.  We'll have to see what happens.  My SD is on FB which we totally disagree with, her BM signed her up when she was 10.  We only found out because she popped up on my account under people I may know.  We expressed our concerns but it doesn't matter, BM will do whatever she wants.  We have SD 47% of the time, pretty much an even split.  We got the FB password information and decided if we couldn't stop her from having the account we would monitor it on a regular basis... and so we did.  About four months ago we signed onto her account to check things out and saw some posts her mother made on her own account.  Now anyone who has a FB account knows if you post something on your page, your friends can see it. Well she is friends with SD on FB so we saw what she posted.  She posted that DH and his cum guzzling babysitter(that would be me) are assholes.  They owe me more money and don't want to pay me.  Well as soon as I saw that I immediately changed SD FB password.  I told her we saw something inappropiate and no longer wanted her on FB, SD is now 12.  She understood and since she's on instagram more now, FB wasn't such a big deal.  She didn't see the post but I was so upset that BM would post that about me.  Wouldn't most BM's be happy that their child has a step parent who loves them like their own?  I cannot believe that a mother would speak that way about their child's step parent.  We contacted our attorney who contacted her attorney and told her to take down the post.  I'm assuming she did.  I am so tired of the drama and dealing with someone who is completely irrational.  It's so discouraging somtimes to know I'm going to have to deal with this person for the rest of my life.  So does anyone have any advice or is anyone going through anything similar?  I know the usual advice, put SD first.....etc.  I always do that.  I guess I'm looking for some coping mechanisms or something.  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thank you!!

by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:39 AM

I've never head of going to trial over child support. Why are  you going to trial?

ds1026
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:41 AM

support was denied but a trial date was set.  child support guidelines change in August of this year so the only thing we could think of is if the judge wants to go by those new guidelines.. .they are in DH's favor.  

ramita
by Silver Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:42 AM
The best I can give you is keep your distance from BM. The people who truly matter in your life won't believe what she says about you and your DH. They'll just think she's a crazy/jealous BM. Goodluck!
SMInProgress
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Hope you took a screenshot or a printout of her FB posts. You'll need that later.  We've been in the same situation, BM is self centered & doesn't care what effect her tongue lashings have on the kids. One of the Skids chose to live with us, we won custody but we still paid the CS while we were in court.  Now the courts say she owes us so our CS for the other skid considerably lower as well & our BM has a court order not to harrass or slander us with Childrens services & therapist to back this all up.  We just had enough of the drama

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:46 AM


But even so, why would you need a trial? You plug the numbers into a worksheet. There is no trial needed.

Something is missing from this story. The trial is not for child support. What is the trial for?

Quoting ds1026:

support was denied but a trial date was set.  child support guidelines change in August of this year so the only thing we could think of is if the judge wants to go by those new guidelines.. .they are in DH's favor.  



SMInProgress
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:58 AM

You're right there's probably more involved here than CS.

In my case, our BM fought to keep the CS even after the skid came to live with us full time. Guess in her crazy mind, she thought she could fight the custody, which she actually did still get CS the entire time for over a year without even skid living with her (but she lost & now has to repay us).  During that time, the CS was up for review & she was crazy enough to think she could get more CS because I (the SM mind you) make my own salary & in my state it's a percentage based on income so she fought harder to get full custody back.

I hated seeing the damage she did publicly on FB or meltdowns in the street, etc but in a way, she gave us gifts to use against her.   

Quoting whatIknownow:


But even so, why would you need a trial? You plug the numbers into a worksheet. There is no trial needed.

Something is missing from this story. The trial is not for child support. What is the trial for?

Quoting ds1026:

support was denied but a trial date was set.  child support guidelines change in August of this year so the only thing we could think of is if the judge wants to go by those new guidelines.. .they are in DH's favor.  




innerpeace190
by Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 10:59 AM

My BM is VERY popular, VERY convincing, and has thousands (I think something like four thousand) friends on her FB. I've learned to accept that, those who actually know me and matter would take what she has said about me (or DH) with a pinch of salt.

I think she realised that she only succeeded in making herself look bad (I have lots of colourful words I could put here) with all the posts she put right before DH and I got married, so as far as I know, she has learned to control herself.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:05 AM
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Keep BM as much out of sight and out of mind as possible.  It'll help your sanity. 

***GENERAL PSA***   With regard to SD, please follow her Instagram and monitor it.  Kids live and post in the present with little to no foresight about how things they publish today could show up again in the future.  I'm not sure any of us are aware yet what the lasting implications of FB, Instagram, or Twitter could be for our s/kids. My SD14 is pretty savvy about what she posts, but she's had friends post pics of themselves in suggestive poses, simulating age-inappropriate behaviors, flashing their bras/panties, etc... and these are 13-16yos!  I know they think they're just being silly and harmless, but there's no telling how those same photos could come back to haunt or embarrass them later.

Mommy0505
by on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:38 AM
Just a side not on the FB page: your DH could do a complaint on the FB help page and notify them that this person in under 13, his child, and that he does not approve of her having the account. They've taken SD's down a couple times now (the ones BM set up for her @ 10 yrs old).
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Seychelles1409
by Gold Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:47 PM

I had FB drama, not with BM, with with SS's wife, and her posts upset me greatly until I deleted her.  What I didn't read, I could'nt be upset about.  You've taken the first step:  don't allow SD to have a FB account.  Don't connect to BM on FB in any way.  Don't read anything she posts.  Take a photo, or ever how it's done, of the ugly posts BM made, and give it to your attorney.  Document everything BM does that is detrimental to SD and your family.  Keep a journal.  Take photos if circumstances occur.   As for your peace of mind, try not to think about BM.  Don't be involved in pick up and delivery of SD.  Don't talk to her on the phone.  Don't email her.  Don't text her.  Let DH do all the contact with BM.  Stay away from her.  Focus on your family and your love for SD.  That is what is important.  Pretend BM doesn't exist....as silly as that sounds; I did that at times and it helped me put SS (BM wasn't my issue) out of my mind.    Also, don't worry about what other people think.  The ones who know and care about you will not believe what BM posts about you.  The more she posts, the crazier and vindictive she will look and the better YOU will look!  The strangers who read her posts won't care and will probably skim over what she writes anyway because they don't know you!   Lastly, you have to let this go so that it doesn't eat you up inside.  If you let it bother you, then BM wins.  You don't want that do you?

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