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Any SMs with no kids of your own?

Posted by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:24 AM
  • 32 Replies

If so, do you ever feel left out being the only one that's not part of the family? How do you handle it?

by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:24 AM
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by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 5:28 AM
Right here. Not married yet but but engaged, been together 3 years. Kids are 5&7.

I knew from age 10 I never wanted kids but this arrangement is pretty cool. We all good! lol

ETA I don't feel left out. I encourage DF to have time w kids without me.
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by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 6:47 AM
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I don't have my own children. It doesn't seem to be in the cards for me to give birth to a baby.
I dont feel left out left out of my family, but sometimes I feel jipped in experiences.
For example I go to all of SD's concerts at school, take pictures, etc. And it's one of the most painful experiences because I know I'll not get to do it with my child. BM in my situation has to drink just to be able to show up to the school and I get mad at that because I'd love to be able to volunteer in SD's classroom, do the pta, etc. I can't because even though BM will never do those things (she could, she doesn't work) she'd never be okay with me doing them either and so SD misses out.
by Ruby Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 7:31 AM
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I think that is the most difficult of any stepparenting situation especially if you are not childless by choice. I think your spouse has to be extra special to be sensitive and to ensure you never feel like you are not a part of the family.

Children are a priority but so is your marriage.
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by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 8:23 AM
No bios here, but we plan to start trying next year or so :) I always said I didn't want kids until at least 30, so there is still time.
by Gold Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 9:07 AM
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First bio is under construction. There have been times over the past several years that I felt a little left out or feared that any child we added wouldn't be treated the same. To be honest, those issues stemmed from problems in the partnership between me and DH. As we've strengthened as a couple, those feelings have become less and less to the extent that I have trouble remembering why I ever felt that way.
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by Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I don't have children of my own, not my choice.  SD is 12 and I share in as many experiences as I can.  I go to her extracirricular activities, etc.  Your husband, you and your step children are your family, you're part of that.  I think if you always wanted children and can't have them it can be difficult and you can have that feeling of I wish I could have my own but at some point, you will be okay with it.  Just remember you are part of the family.

by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I was a step mom for a few years with no kids of my own until I had one last year. I felt very left out at first like I was just the live in nanny or something...even though my stepkids were very accepting of me. Having one of my own really seemed to make us more complete.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 12:04 PM
I'm a CSM and I have a very close relationship with DSD, so I'm lucky-- and my husband is constantly affirming my place in the family. Otherwise, when I was told I was infertile last year, I think it would have killed me. It's bad enough even in a good situation. I'm very fortunate though, most of my "belonging" comes from the ardent love and support of my wonderful husband-- DSD follows suite, but if she didn't, I think I'd just define my role as "wife" instead of "wie and stepmom" and I know I would still have enough love to be fulfilled. Even without the possibility of my own baby.
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by on Jul. 13, 2013 at 12:06 PM
I also have no bios an yes I feel like I'm left out mainly because of the issues I have with dh. I don't have a solid marriage yet and it's very difficult. I basically go out with friends in the weekends and have fun with them. I know that in Gods time he will bless me with my own so for right now I'm gonna continue to pray and enjoy my life. I know how you feel trust me. May The Lord comfort you and be there for you, God bless:)
by New Member on Jul. 13, 2013 at 12:48 PM

I'm a CSM whom is childless by choice. I have a great relationship with SS (who is now now 19). I'm putting him thru college and have supported him financially since he was 12 (BM has never paid child support and DH's career was hit HARD by the downturn in the economy).  SS is very appreciative and tells me all,the time that I've made a difference in his life. I definitely feel 100% part of the family and I'm sure that it has everything to do with being a CSM with a fairly uninvolved BM. I also refused to allow anyone to dictate the rules in my home other than me and DH. All of that really does make a difference.

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