Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

SM and dad buying stuff I dont approve of

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:20 PM
  • 90 Replies

So my oldest son is 10 and Ive never allowed to have a video game nor have i allowed him to play at friends houses. I decided that I would get him his first console when I felt he was ready for it and I would control the games, and amount of time spends playing. Awhile back I mentioned to him that he would PROBABLY be allowed to have one at 10 depending on his maturity level (this was two years ago). My freakin kid took this to mean he WOULD be getting one at 10.  So now that hes 10, he wants to know where his xbox is. I already decided that yes, I will be buying him one, but it will be after he recieves his 1st report card and I see how hes starting off the new school year.  So Tuesday he casually mentioned that he has a new xbox SM bought him and sure enough, he played for hours which was my biggest concern.  

Now, I like SM and all but she is literally ALWAYS buying things for them. Any and everything they want.  She spoils my kids to the point of ridiculous. However since its always been things like shoes, clothes, books, etc (small items) I dont really say much of anything but "oh, thats cute" or "that looks adorable on you" but on the inside Im thinking oh my god, i really want them to earn things. 

Dad says Im trying to control his house and our kids and blah blah blah its none of my business if he plays video games at thier house all weekend blah blah fuckin blah.  I can tell my son that he is not to play the game over there but for 45 mins a day and I KNOW he will listen to but Im so tired of being the bad guy. And i fear pushing my kids away and being seen as some overbearing shrew.  Is there any way i can get dad and sm on the same accord with me? Or is that unfair and controlling? When he doesnt make them shower everyday, i look the other way. when he feeds them freaking sugar for breakfast, I look the other way. Now Im controlling? Tell me if Im overreacting, I can take it. Its no secret Im hard on them but I would be more than willing to bend on some things but playing video games all day? Unacceptable

by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:20 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
JacyB
by Bronze Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:25 PM
2 moms liked this
You don't let your 10 year old play at other kids houses? That's unfortunate.
ramita
by Silver Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:28 PM
You know your son I don't so take my opinion lightly. My opinion is that you can talk to the dad, and explain why you don't want him playing it so much. Then you can hope he takes your opinion, and agrees.

Personally, I agree they should be limited, but if there is a pretty even mixture of outside and family time mixed in I would be less concerned, or if its raining.
MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:02 PM
2 moms liked this

My kids all play videogames but that's neither here nor there.  Point is, a videogame system was a BIG deal to you and basically a reward you had decided to give him after his first report card.  Would I be mad at having this taken from me?  Absolutely. 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:09 PM
7 moms liked this

Yep, you are overreacting.  Frankly, if my ex told me he wanted to reward our child with a gaming system I would say good...for your house. My kid would already have one with me as dad doesn't get to own allowing him that...especially considering I wouldn't agree with waiting until he was ten. 

And do your kid a favor...don't make him a social outcast with your extreme views on video games. 99.9% of kids play them at that age and earlier. I have a son the same age and there is one kid in his class who has similar restrictions...the kid struggles socially big time as he doesn't have a lot in common with the other boys in his class. And of course your kid is going to overdo it at sm's house...you made one of the most fun things a kid his age can do taboo. 

Le him play and do what most parents do...monitor what he plays and limit time. Get him minecraft or something similar. It's clean and popular with kids his age. 

MrsMiles85
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I also see that this isn't something new.  Could this be having to be the actual parent and your feeling some jealousy?  I ask because you mentioned they buy tons of stuff.  It's hard to not be able to be the "fun" parent.  We have to be the ones who make the rules and actually RAISE our children so they go over there and it's like being in a "funhouse". 

2much2deal
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:13 PM
1 mom liked this
u dint really know if there us much you can do other then talk to the father about it and hope he listens but step moms get told this all the time that they cant and the father can not control what happens and your house and you cant really control what happens at there house yes you are mom and you have the right to dictate what your children do but he is also dad and he has that right at well and im sure he knew what step mom got the kiddo and he allowed it so he probably feels that it is fine but this is just my opinion and i am a step mother and i dont have to deal with your situation from your point of view
petie1104
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:14 PM
3 moms liked this
Sorry but you really can't control what dad and sm buy him at their house. Try to reverse it. Think of something that maybe you have done with ds and imagine if dad got mad and told you it wasn't right. You wouldn't want him dictating rules in your home so you can't do that to him.
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Mine craft is the devil! Lol!! All the other sports parents and I agree if we never have to hear about another mine craft house again we would be thrilled!!!
Op it is really a very mild game you build worlds out of square things. Just limit his time. That's what we do. As jlg said it is also a social thing with the Xbox live.
There isn't much you can do about dads house unless the two of you can reach an agreement. Neither one of you have the ability to dictate what goes on in the other house.


Quoting jlg12678:

Yep, you are overreacting.  Frankly, if my ex told me he wanted to reward our child with a gaming system I would say good...for your house. My kid would already have one with me as dad doesn't get to own allowing him that...especially considering I wouldn't agree with waiting until he was ten. 

And do your kid a favor...don't make him a social outcast with your extreme views on video games. 99.9% of kids play them at that age and earlier. I have a son the same age and there is one kid in his class who has similar restrictions...the kid struggles socially big time as he doesn't have a lot in common with the other boys in his class. And of course your kid is going to overdo it at sm's house...you made one of the most fun things a kid his age can do taboo. 

Le him play and do what most parents do...monitor what he plays and limit time. Get him minecraft or something similar. It's clean and popular with kids his age. 


BasketballMama8
by Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:26 PM

I think youre probably right unfortunately.  I do tend to overreact.  Not having one and playing one at all might be too unreasonable on my part but I wont budge on being ok with him playing for hours and hours for 3 days ever week

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:28 PM


Ugh I know. Everyone at baseball and cub scouts talks about it constantly. My son tries to get me to play...not happening. 

It is such a social thing, though, for boys that age. 

Quoting MommySabs:

Mine craft is the devil! Lol!! All the other sports parents and I agree if we never have to hear about another mine craft house again we would be thrilled!!!
Op it is really a very mild game you build worlds out of square things. Just limit his time. That's what we do. As jlg said it is also a social thing with the Xbox live.
There isn't much you can do about dads house unless the two of you can reach an agreement. Neither one of you have the ability to dictate what goes on in the other house.


Quoting jlg12678:


Yep, you are overreacting.  Frankly, if my ex told me he wanted to reward our child with a gaming system I would say good...for your house. My kid would already have one with me as dad doesn't get to own allowing him that...especially considering I wouldn't agree with waiting until he was ten. 

And do your kid a favor...don't make him a social outcast with your extreme views on video games. 99.9% of kids play them at that age and earlier. I have a son the same age and there is one kid in his class who has similar restrictions...the kid struggles socially big time as he doesn't have a lot in common with the other boys in his class. And of course your kid is going to overdo it at sm's house...you made one of the most fun things a kid his age can do taboo. 

Le him play and do what most parents do...monitor what he plays and limit time. Get him minecraft or something similar. It's clean and popular with kids his age. 




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN