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Poor SD had a visit from HELL with BM *Update #1, #2, #3, and #4

So, this past week SD told BM that she doesn't want to go for a week at a time, they she only wants to see her every other weekend or once a month. SD told her she's sick of lying and keeping secrets for her mom...

It did NOT end well. Apparently BM said, "Fuck you! I cannot believe you are doing this to me. I could fucking kill you." There's more, but that's the part SD remembered the most. BM then made SD sit in a restaurant alone talking to her grandma (BM's mom) on the phone while BM went outside to smoke. Grandma (BM's mom) was crying and begging SD to change her mind, and said that sometimes when people are really upset they say things they don't mean and BM didn't really mean it.

Later that night, when BM thought SD was sleeping she told her friend J that she wanted to beat SD to death. SD was NOT sleeping, she heard it, and she was scared and didn't know what to do. SD said she spent the rest of the time scared that BM would hurt her.

We found all of this out tonight. DH called 911 and reported it, they said that unless BM hits her there's NOTHING they can do, and suggested we call CPS (Child Protective Services). So, DH called CPS. They took a report, they will probably have an investigator call DH to make an official report, but they wont investigate it unless BM hits SD or actually hurts her. The CPS intake person on the phone told DH to make up a story about SD being really sick on Sunday so that SD can't go on her visit with BM next week...

DH also called SD's counselor and left her a message reporting ALL of this. SD was crying and saying that she doesn't want to go back to BM's house, because what if BM tries to kill her for real. And honestly, neither DH nor I feel comfortable saying that BM would never hurt her...


Update:

Well, we got some crappy news, until BM actually does hurt her physically we can't get a no-contact order. We're still waiting to hear back from SD's counselor. We were told that with the counselors recommendation they can give BM supervised visitation and we can request that BM be evaluated by a state psychologist. DH is going to see if the counselor would suggest to BM in writing that she NOT take visitation next week, DH has a meeting with an attorney next Tuesday, they can't get him in any sooner. By next week DH should be able to file the petition to modify the parenting plan, and we were told that we should request a temporary order to be signed  by the judge giving BM supervised visitation until a full investigation into the allegations of emotional abuse and SD over hearing threats against her can be completed.


Neither DH nor I have ever said BM was a good parent, and we've often wondered about just how severe the emotional abuse was (SD is still opening up to her counselor about it all); it was NEVER our intention to take SD from BM. Being a crappy mom doesn't negate the fact that BM is still SD's mom. We just wanted SD safe and happy.

Update 2:

I just spoke with SD's counselor. She says that there's nothing we can really do except file in court to get a new parenting plan in place ASAP. She's suggesting that DH go after sole physical and legal custody with either supervised visits or visits at DH's discretion. We have a meeting with an attorney next Tuesday and should hopefully be able to file things ASAP SD's counselor is going to speak to HER supervisor and see if there's anything that can be done in the mean time. The counselor doesn't want DH to contact BM about anything because she's worried that BM would take it out on SD. 


Update 3:

DH has a meeting with an attorney on Tuesday, at that point he's going to ask what he needs proof wise to get a temporary order signed by the judge the day he files the petition to modify the parenting plan. If we can meet that burdon of proof (our declarations, SD's counselor's declaration, and SD's occupational therapist's declaration) then that's what he's going to file. He's going to ask that the temporary order give BM no visitation during that time and then once the hearing for the modification comes up then he can ask for supervised visitation for BM.

So, everything is kinda at a standstill until the meetin with the attorney Tuesday. SD will still have to go to BM's next week. The counselor suggested that we come up with a safety plan for SD and the cell phone in case SD needs to call for help. Right now the safety plan is that SD is to text DH or I 911 and her location (BM's house, grandma's house, or J's house) and then she's to call 911 and ask for help and tell them what's going on. At that time DH or I can call 911 and report that SD has called 911 and doesn't know the address where she's at. We have those 3 addresses so we can give them the address to go to.

 Update 4:

We went and ordered SD an iPhone 4S, after a LOT of research we decided on that one because we can password protect the app market, so she can ONLY download things when DH or I put the password into. We can also turn the GPS monitoring on on it so that in the event SD has to call 911 while with BM they'll be able to track her phone. Unfortunately it may not be here before this next week's visit.

DH spoke to SD's counselor and since BM had contacted DH about the issue last week about SD no longer wanting to go for a week at a time, the counselor suggested that DH ask if BM is willing to cancel this next week's visit so that SD can just stay home. We'll see what BM says. DH made very sure to explain that the counselor was the one who wanted the visit cancelled for SD's well being.

The counselor also suggested that SD should go for sole legal and physical custody with BM having EOWE visitation, but that DH should have the power to cancel any visit if he feels its in SD's best interest. The counselor also said that she was under the impression that BM didn't have a place to live at all, that she was couch surfing and dragging SD along with her and THAT is part of the reason that SD doesn't know where she's going to be when.

DH asked BM to go to mediation with him. He's going to show her EVERYTHING he has (the declaration from SD's occupational therapist,  the letter from SD's counselor, EVERYTHING) and let her know that this is what the professionals working with SD feel is in SD's best interest to have things be this way.

by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 12:01 AM
Replies (21-30):
EMT91
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 2:19 PM

I can only guess what you're going thru. You have my sympathy. I'm brand new here and getting ready to post my story, and I'll bet you will see some similarities!! Please keep us updated.

momofjkkc
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 2:21 PM
Your poor little girl. I hope everything works out and she is safe.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 2:26 PM

We've talked about a safety plan, when and how to call 911, and to text DH first so that he can meet the police there. The only problem is that BM drags SD around to random friend's houses, and SD doesn't know the addresses. We have BM's address and one friend's address. So, if SD texts us that she's calling 911, we have to call 911 and ask them to go to BOTH addresses to try to find SD.


Quoting ChelseNichole:

That poor kid. I dont even know what to say. I feel terrible for her. I think you and DH are taking the appropriate steps in making sure you SD is Happy, healthy, and above all, safe! Good Luck and keep us updated!



SMInProgress
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 3:33 PM

Is her cell phone under your plan?  We put SS on a family plan & got him a smart phone before getting full custody.  Our plan has a family locator on the android smart phones with a tracking app so as long as his cell phone is on, we can zone in exactly where he is at any given time. 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

We've talked about a safety plan, when and how to call 911, and to text DH first so that he can meet the police there. The only problem is that BM drags SD around to random friend's houses, and SD doesn't know the addresses. We have BM's address and one friend's address. So, if SD texts us that she's calling 911, we have to call 911 and ask them to go to BOTH addresses to try to find SD.




Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 4:58 PM

Her cell is under BM's plan.

Quoting SMInProgress:

Is her cell phone under your plan?  We put SS on a family plan & got him a smart phone before getting full custody.  Our plan has a family locator on the android smart phones with a tracking app so as long as his cell phone is on, we can zone in exactly where he is at any given time. 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

We've talked about a safety plan, when and how to call 911, and to text DH first so that he can meet the police there. The only problem is that BM drags SD around to random friend's houses, and SD doesn't know the addresses. We have BM's address and one friend's address. So, if SD texts us that she's calling 911, we have to call 911 and ask them to go to BOTH addresses to try to find SD.






SMInProgress
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:08 PM

OK then you can download an app but you have to pay for it but I don't think it's much money at all.  Definitely worth it. "GPS Tracking Pro" is one of them. 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Her cell is under BM's plan.

Quoting SMInProgress:

Is her cell phone under your plan?  We put SS on a family plan & got him a smart phone before getting full custody.  Our plan has a family locator on the android smart phones with a tracking app so as long as his cell phone is on, we can zone in exactly where he is at any given time. 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

We've talked about a safety plan, when and how to call 911, and to text DH first so that he can meet the police there. The only problem is that BM drags SD around to random friend's houses, and SD doesn't know the addresses. We have BM's address and one friend's address. So, if SD texts us that she's calling 911, we have to call 911 and ask them to go to BOTH addresses to try to find SD.







Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:12 PM

She doesn't have a smart phone, and she can't download any apps from the phone providers app market that cost money (it's blocked on her phone)


Quoting SMInProgress:

OK then you can download an app but you have to pay for it but I don't think it's much money at all.  Definitely worth it. "GPS Tracking Pro" is one of them. 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Her cell is under BM's plan.

Quoting SMInProgress:

Is her cell phone under your plan?  We put SS on a family plan & got him a smart phone before getting full custody.  Our plan has a family locator on the android smart phones with a tracking app so as long as his cell phone is on, we can zone in exactly where he is at any given time. 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

We've talked about a safety plan, when and how to call 911, and to text DH first so that he can meet the police there. The only problem is that BM drags SD around to random friend's houses, and SD doesn't know the addresses. We have BM's address and one friend's address. So, if SD texts us that she's calling 911, we have to call 911 and ask them to go to BOTH addresses to try to find SD.









Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 7:07 PM

bump for update #3

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:33 AM

I feel so sad for the little girl, I don't know how you do it. I hope she doesn't have to go this Sunday. I am glad that you and her dad know how to navigate the system. What would happen if she just didn't go this Sunday? What if Dad told Mom she isn't coming? I'm only asking because I have no experience with CO's and child custody disputes.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:23 PM

If she didn't go to mom on Sunday, mom files comtempt of court and DH would be found in contempt of court. If that happens two times then there's a very high chance that custody could be reversed and mom would have custody.

We've consulted with several people about this, and unfortuantely, there's no way around sending her, unless we want to risk mom filing contempt of court. And that could greatly effect our ability to get a judge to agree with the new proposed parenting plan and temporary orders.
 


Quoting Frustrated10:

I feel so sad for the little girl, I don't know how you do it. I hope she doesn't have to go this Sunday. I am glad that you and her dad know how to navigate the system. What would happen if she just didn't go this Sunday? What if Dad told Mom she isn't coming? I'm only asking because I have no experience with CO's and child custody disputes.



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