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Mind Your Own Business...

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:45 AM
  • 27 Replies

When your kids are say, at school, or maybe a friend's house, is what goes on your business?  

If you tell them not to do something and they do it at a friend's house -let's say it is something that could have an affect at your house - maybe watching certain shows/movies that could cause nightmares or staying up late and throwing off their routine - do you not say something because it didn't happen at your house?

What about at school?  If you get a call from someome saying your kid did something and are now in trouble do you just say "didn't happen on my watch, it's none of my business"?  

Or is where your child is and how they behave your business?  If it is, do you think that what goes on with your kid at their OP's house is none of your business because of the kid's location?

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
katherine50
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:52 AM
I think it would be your business. It is your kid. If you don't allow scary movies or Tv shows they shouldn't watch it anywhere else. make it ur business and ask the friends mother or father if they can try not to do those things because of whatever it causes.
EricaG87
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:57 AM

 For the most part what goes on at my kid's dad's house is not of my business imo.  If something happens that I REALLY don't like, but doesn't put them in immediate danger then I talk to him about it calmly and after he hears me out, if he still does it then I let it go because he is just as much their parent as I am and it is his house.  It's not my jurisdiction, unless I have to take over emergency jurisdiction because there is an immediate danger to them.  Thus far I haven't had to.  And he would have a right to do the same with me.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

AnnieChristian
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:02 AM
3 moms liked this
IMO, it depends on what exactly it is.

I do believe the fact that they are at their other PARENT's home makes a big difference as in, if a problem occurred at school/a friend's house then, ideally, it would concern BOTH parents because it would affect BOTH parents. At places other than OP's home, your child(ren) are without either parent so I believe there is much control over that but to a certain extent-you cannot control school policies or house rules (lack of) at a friend's house but you can control whether your kids go to that school or friend's home.
I think over big issues, there should be common ground between mom & dad and certain rules should be enforced at both homes.

But of course that's not usually possible if parents do not agree. I think it is best to instill in your children what you expect of them even when you are not around to make sure they make good choices that reflect your expectations, as long as they are reasonable.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:04 AM

I think that anything that involves the child is the business of their parents. I'm not going to keep secrets from DH about our children and what we do while he's at work, why in the world would be it acceptable to keep secrets from SD's mom?

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:28 AM
The other parent isn't the same as a friend. It would be best if both parents were on the same one but unfortunately sometimes it isn't so :(
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:41 AM

I think you can try, but if it is a high conflict type of relationship with the OP, there has got to be some letting go as long as they are safe.  I will express disappointment when DDs used to watch completely inappropriate shows while with dad.  I would approach it from both angles - conversations with DDs about why I don't think something is appropriate and then I would bitch out BF for being a craptastic dad and lay the guilt on him that his values had shifted since the divorce.  

But I never stop being a parent.  And they know it.  DDs know who the primary parent is.  They love dad, but they know he is fun guy.  And honestly, I think they have only pulled the "fine I will live with dad" line a couple of times.  

Razzle_Dazzle1
by Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:27 AM

Yes, it certainly is. If I send my kids to a friend's house and say they aren't allowed to watch a certain show or have sugar after a certain time or need to be in bed at a certain time, that is my perogotive as their mother. I am mostly relaxed about rules for my kids and don't worry much at other people's house. They have never really stayed with anyone but my parents, my MIL, and my siblings.

CafeMom Tickers

packermomof2
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:12 AM

I'm not saying the OP is like the same as the parent.  However, the point is the same... do your kids stop being your business because they aren't with you at that moment?  

For high conflict I do believe it is okay to teach your kids what you expect and let them know that if they don't listen it'll suck to be them when they get home, no matter who told them it is okay to disobey (talking about things that affect your (general) house.... )

I don't know any parents who feel they are raising their children only part of the time and the parents I know pretty much raise their kids the same as myself - they don't care where the kids are they are to do what they know they are supposed to do (or not do).  


soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 7:54 AM


This. My kids are always my kids and they know our rules now that shouldn't change after divorce and they know better.

Quoting pdxmum:

I think you can try, but if it is a high conflict type of relationship with the OP, there has got to be some letting go as long as they are safe.  I will express disappointment when DDs used to watch completely inappropriate shows while with dad.  I would approach it from both angles - conversations with DDs about why I don't think something is appropriate and then I would bitch out BF for being a craptastic dad and lay the guilt on him that his values had shifted since the divorce.  

But I never stop being a parent.  And they know it.  DDs know who the primary parent is.  They love dad, but they know he is fun guy.  And honestly, I think they have only pulled the "fine I will live with dad" line a couple of times.  



kss12
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:04 AM
It's 100% of your business wherever your kids are.
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