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Is it always about...

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:30 AM
  • 56 Replies

What DH and BM want? I do not like the neighborhood we live in and the school system here is awful. I want to move to make things better for my kids. DH doesn't want to move even though we only have his kids EOWE and mine live here all the time, except for my daughter who lives with my parents during the school year so she can go to a wonderful school where she gets the help she needs. I want to move 30 minutes away and they do not even want to listen to my reasons as to why I want a place of our own. I live in the house they shared. I feel he can't let go of the past he shared with her.

There is a morgage on this house that he got to pay for his divorce.  I am sorry that I forgot to share this bit of info before posting.

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:51 AM

What does BM have to do with this?  

I could not have lived in the house BM and DH shared, yet he lives in the house I shared with BF.  I don't know how he does it.

What are your DHs reasons?

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:53 AM
I was thinking the same thing. It would be so weird living in "their" house!


Quoting pdxmum:

What does BM have to do with this?  

I could not have lived in the house BM and DH shared, yet he lives in the house I shared with BF.  I don't know how he does it.

What are your DHs reasons?

packermomof2
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:14 AM

I live in the house my husband picked out with his ex wife.  It isn't that big a deal really.  I changed a lot.  It is "our" home and looks nothing like what she had done.

The only thing I made him get rid of was their bed.  I refused to go near that thing.

krazykiddles
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:19 AM
The house was inherited from his grandmother. My SD told me that after her DH and BM got divorced still were seeing each other and over night visits were apart of that as they were trying to work things out. DH doesn't want to move because of the history and supposed value of the property. It will only be worth money of the city buys everyone out for development. I want to move for a better education for my kids and so we don't have to split up my family. He refused to get a new mattress since this one is still good. I am just frustrated with his selfishness. BM doesn't want him to move since he will be further from his kids. That isn't okay with her but having mine split up os just fine since they are not DH's kids. I told him to let me know when we become important to him. Feeling clueless to what really may be up with him and BM.
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:09 AM
3 moms liked this
Of course it isn't all about dh and his kids. Here us what you do: save your money and get an apartment or house in the district you want:

Then you seperate your finances legally and pay for it: and when his kids are grown or you two can agree, you find a way to live together where everyone's needs are accounted for. This may be called divorce, btw.

Me personally, I would not disadvantage my kids for eowe stepkids. My kids are my priority.

Are you financially capable of supporting yourself and your kids?
Tx_stepmom
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:30 AM

Why is DH letting his Ex have a say so?  Sounds like something may still be going on between DH & BM.  Letting her have a say in where you live is wrong.  Save your money and get your own place where you want to live.  Apparently, you & your kids are not as important as his Ex.  

DDDaysh
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:14 AM

 This doesn't sound like it has anything to do with BM.  It sounds like your DH doesn't want to leave his kids, and I think that's his right.  You married him living where he does.  He doesn't agree with the move.  You chose to send your daughter away from you, but he doesn't want to be that far from his own children and is not agreeing to go. 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:56 AM

No, I think everyone's needs should be considered, but children are a priority and your children should be your priority.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:06 AM

I can understand his attachment to the house.  That makes it hard.  However, the kids living with you take priority, IMO, over the kids that don't.  If the local district sucks and there's a good opportunity just a few miles up the road, that's a valid argument.  Family inheritance and history are also valid arguments to stay though.  While you're looking at the house a BM's space, bear in mind that she didn't get a voice in choosing it either if it's an inheritance.  She may have even hated it.  But it was grandma's house, now your DH's house, so it's silly to try to make it about BM when, in all likelihood, she probably had about as much influence over where they lived as you do.

Are there any alternate educational options available to you?  Private school?  Charter school?  A previous poster suggested getting your own apartment for the week, but tuition is cheaper than rent...

krazykiddles
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:05 PM

I am working full-time and working on gaining my own clients.  Slowly but surely I have a plan for supporting myself and kids.

Quoting chanizen:

Of course it isn't all about dh and his kids. Here us what you do: save your money and get an apartment or house in the district you want:

Then you seperate your finances legally and pay for it: and when his kids are grown or you two can agree, you find a way to live together where everyone's needs are accounted for. This may be called divorce, btw.

Me personally, I would not disadvantage my kids for eowe stepkids. My kids are my priority.

Are you financially capable of supporting yourself and your kids?


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