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How would you handle this?

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:12 AM
  • 32 Replies
For those of you who don't know my ss is 11 years old. He has always had a bed wetting issue. Recently it happens more frequently. The last 4 nights we've had him he's wet the bed. I'm running out of replacement sheets here! The other day I walked into his room and there was pee on the FLOOR. How he managed that I have no idea. I can't continue to clean pee soaked sheets. Not only that.. But when he wakes up he walks past and smells like pee because he still has his same shorts on. He doesn't take a shower after he's wet the bed either.
Dh knows ss is embarrassed about it so I act like I have no idea ss wets the bed.. But I'm at my wits end. He used to have that more under control.. Dh would tell him to go to the bathroom before bed. Since ss is embarrassed and doesn't know I know he wets the bed, I can't tell him to change his shorts in the morning. What grosses me out is I have a17 month old boy who sometimes plays with ss and once ds gets off of ss's lap he smells like pee too.
How would you handle talking to dh? I don't want him to think I'm picking on ss.. But there has to be something done about this. My whole house is starting to smell like a cat piss house and I can't deal. I'm so neat freak and clean its unreal!!!
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kss12
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Lets make that 5 sets of sheets instead of 4 as I just saw one stuffed in laundry basket from last night. Ahhhhhh
newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:32 AM
4 moms liked this
I'm going to ask the obvious questions...
1. Has this been handled by an MD?
2. Why are you doing all the clean-up? He's DHs son, DH should assist with the clean-up as should SS, he's 11.
3. Bullshit you can't say something before SS spreads his pee all over the house...matter of factly you say "SS, you had an accident again last night, I can smell it, take a shower so it doesn't stay on your skin and change your clothes and bedding," there is NOTHING wrong with you teaching him not to sit in his own piss. You don't get nasty, accusatory or mean...if your child's friend peed on himself in your own home, would you let him sit in his own piss? No...you'd find a change of clothes and deal with the issue...even daycares do that...why you feel your SS deserves such spectacularly special treatment is beyond me...
kss12
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Hold the phone.. I don't think he deserves special treatment what so ever.. His dad is just protective and doesn't want to embarrass ss. Ss does bring his sheets down... But he stuffs then in the dirty clothes hamper which causes all of our clothes to smell.
1) no this hasn't.. I've thought about throwing it out there but dh grew up peeing the bed until he was 9 and his brother until he was 12 so for dh and his family they think its normal
2) dh is up and out by 5am.. Ss isn't up until 7 so dh doesn't know about it until he gets home.. And I'm damn sure not going to let piss filled anything hang out around the house without cleaning it stat!
3) above


Quoting newstepmom61811:

I'm going to ask the obvious questions...

1. Has this been handled by an MD?

2. Why are you doing all the clean-up? He's DHs son, DH should assist with the clean-up as should SS, he's 11.

3. Bullshit you can't say something before SS spreads his pee all over the house...matter of factly you say "SS, you had an accident again last night, I can smell it, take a shower so it doesn't stay on your skin and change your clothes and bedding," there is NOTHING wrong with you teaching him not to sit in his own piss. You don't get nasty, accusatory or mean...if your child's friend peed on himself in your own home, would you let him sit in his own piss? No...you'd find a change of clothes and deal with the issue...even daycares do that...why you feel your SS deserves such spectacularly special treatment is beyond me...

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:41 AM

I would ask ss to shower as soon as he get up... and to change his clothes.

bottomline
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 I would think a trip to the doctor may be in order, if that hasn't already been done. By not addressing the issue, you are creating a perpetuating environment. Address the issue, but do it with respect and compassion.

Yes SS will get embarrassed at first but he has to realize that part of the responsibility is his also. I mean, he needs to know not to drink anything past a certain time, and to go pee right before bed. He is 11 so he should be able to handle those things with no problem.

And yes, it's unhealthy for the whole house if he sits around in his own urine. Taking a shower should be step 1. Teach him how to wash his soiled sheets himself, not just stuff them in a hamper to get everything else covered in urine. I realize it could be a medical condition but having him help with the clean up and discussing it may go along way in helping to treat the problem.

kss12
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:51 AM
I'm definitely going to talk to dh about it. If he was my own son I would have put a stop to this at 7 years old! Unfortunately, he's not my son therefore I feel awkward "overstepping sm boundaries". His own mother and step dad make fun of him for it so dh is sensitive about how you handle things with ss. I feel I could overstep here. I mean I literally put sheets in the washer 2 min ago and gagged. That stuff is potent!


Quoting bottomline:

 I would think a trip to the doctor may be in order, if that hasn't already been done. By not addressing the issue, you are creating a perpetuating environment. Address the issue, but do it with respect and compassion.


Yes SS will get embarrassed at first but he has to realize that part of the responsibility is his also. I mean, he needs to know not to drink anything past a certain time, and to go pee right before bed. He is 11 so he should be able to handle those things with no problem.


And yes, it's unhealthy for the whole house if he sits around in his own urine. Taking a shower should be step 1. Teach him how to wash his soiled sheets himself, not just stuff them in a hamper to get everything else covered in urine. I realize it could be a medical condition but having him help with the clean up and discussing it may go along way in helping to treat the problem.


kss12
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:11 AM
Yeah I know I need to.. Just feel awkward on how I'd play that off as dh asked that I don't let ss know that I know that he pees everywhere


Quoting amantonacci:

I would ask ss to shower as soon as he get up... and to change his clothes.


amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:14 AM


It's a new routine he's getting older he needs to shower every morning...?

Quoting kss12:

Yeah I know I need to.. Just feel awkward on how I'd play that off as dh asked that I don't let ss know that I know that he pees everywhere


Quoting amantonacci:

I would ask ss to shower as soon as he get up... and to change his clothes.




SMInProgress
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry but if it got to this point, embarrassed or not, I'd tell DH there is reason to be concerned & let him handle it.  He needs to take the boy into the showers himself in the morning, to the toilet before bedtime, monitor his liquid intake, take him to a doctor & to a child therapist.  DH should be in full duty on this one. 

I would be less worried about you stepping over your boundaries. This is not about that.

newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:57 AM
I would look up articles on NORMAL child development for DH to read, SS shouldn't have to suffer for DH ignorance and inaction. Get the kid help from an MD.

I would be getting DH to get SS up early to use the bathroom and handle his nightly bedwetting...sometimes a schedule helps. Medically speaking, preteen boys can sleep very deeply, often this bedwetting occurs in the early morning hours because they are so deeply asleep, need to go, and simply don't register to wake and go for their morning pee...a schedule may be a simple solution while he grows and he may grow out of this...but letting him continue to be embarrassed is cruel...and I would come down hard as a hammer on DH to HELP his son...

And as for him sitting in it...It's time to say something...I know your SS is embarrassed...my SS10 was being lazy...he was being lazy about wiping himself and the car ride home from school everyday smelled like poop for a while...I refused to endure it in silence...I handled it matter of factly...I simply asked him...Do you feel ok? You honestly smell like poop, have you had diarrhea or something? He got pissed and argued that he didn't smell...I simply said "Look, I smell it, which means, this kids around you in class smell it, I'm not trying to be mean, I want to help you fix it because the kids in school if they smell something WILL be mean". He COMPlETELY understood...he confessed he was being too lazy to really wipe...he did it severally more times. Each time I told him "Look, really, I'm not being mean, wouldn't you rather I privately tell you and help you rsyher than just let this go on and the kids in your class smell it and be mean. If I smell you, so do they...". That's how I got my SS10 engaged in his own hygiene...matter of factly. Simply, if I smell it, so will other kids, and they WILL be mean...try pointing that out to DH too, that may get him engaged in helping his son.


Quoting kss12:

Hold the phone.. I don't think he deserves special treatment what so ever.. His dad is just protective and doesn't want to embarrass ss. Ss does bring his sheets down... But he stuffs then in the dirty clothes hamper which causes all of our clothes to smell.

1) no this hasn't.. I've thought about throwing it out there but dh grew up peeing the bed until he was 9 and his brother until he was 12 so for dh and his family they think its normal

2) dh is up and out by 5am.. Ss isn't up until 7 so dh doesn't know about it until he gets home.. And I'm damn sure not going to let piss filled anything hang out around the house without cleaning it stat!

3) above




Quoting newstepmom61811:

I'm going to ask the obvious questions...


1. Has this been handled by an MD?


2. Why are you doing all the clean-up? He's DHs son, DH should assist with the clean-up as should SS, he's 11.


3. Bullshit you can't say something before SS spreads his pee all over the house...matter of factly you say "SS, you had an accident again last night, I can smell it, take a shower so it doesn't stay on your skin and change your clothes and bedding," there is NOTHING wrong with you teaching him not to sit in his own piss. You don't get nasty, accusatory or mean...if your child's friend peed on himself in your own home, would you let him sit in his own piss? No...you'd find a change of clothes and deal with the issue...even daycares do that...why you feel your SS deserves such spectacularly special treatment is beyond me...


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