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Fire Breathing Dragon with a smile on her face...yikes

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:56 AM
  • 14 Replies

 So it's no secret that being a SM is stressful. In reality, you embrace your DH's past decisions, and all that comes along with them, to form a life that you have minimal control over. It's an absolute blessing and a wonderful opportunity to be able to bond with children, who are a part of your DH, and to learn and grow as a parent before you become one biologically...that being said, its friggin stressful sometimes, like a lot of the time.  I personally am notorious for internalizing my stress which takes a toll on my health. Undoubtly a bad habit but one I can admit nonetheless. I can smile all day, bust my A at work, come home and make sure the SK and DH have everything they need, etc...but I struggle with those moments where you get that feeling like your chest is on fire and you want to scream at something which is entirely out of your control...and no matter how much you will yourself not to care or to let it go...that feeling is still there.

So my question is, what do you other SM do to de-stress and to let go of any negativity that might be holding you back?

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
narmac13
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:00 AM

 I vent to my friend one time about what ever is making me crazy especially when I realize that it's a silly thing that I need to let go and she is very good at talking it through with me and not encouraging my anger but just helping me to resolve things within myself. Then I find something to do that destresses me. Sometimes I write, color, play with legos, take a bubble bath with wine, read a good book or go for a run. As SMs there is just so much that we can't change or control and I definitely know that feeling. When it's overwhelming I talk about it with DH and those conversations are long and frustrating because it takes so long to finally figure out which articulation and explanation will make him understand how I am feeling about things or what I think about certain situations and why. I especially talk things through with him when it's something that I need him to change.

akm378mn
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

VENT!  either on here or to a friend on the phone. 

venting to dh doesn't seem to help me... he doesn't get it because he is not a stepmom!  :-)

Sometimes even just reading posts on stepmom central helps because usually it makes you realize that most stepmoms have to deal w/ the same bs. 


bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:51 AM

 I exercise, 1) Because it helps relieve stress 2) It allows me to focus on my health 3) It clears my mind so I can find a solution to what is bothering me 4) Gives me energy to get back in there.

Find something that you like to do. You will be amazed at how much that focus helps alleviate some stress and get a clearer picture of it. Hang in there, blended families are tough for sure.

EmbraceTheChaos
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:26 PM

 

I have good friends, who are moms, that I vent to and they are amazing for it...I just feel like sometimes they ignite the fire, instead of helping me to diffuse it. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose SK's BM gets really frustrating but I try really hard to always rememebr at the end of the day, she is their mother and regardless of her poor actions, I need to respect that, which I do...Sometimes I just feel like when I vent, it turns into the person I'm venting to highlighting all of BM's other faults, which kinds of cripples my abilities to vent and let go, if that makes sense? I'm in the same boat with DH....I feel like he doesn't understand why certain things bother me or that he gets mad with me and then it's hard to "de-stress" from it...

Quoting narmac13:

 I vent to my friend one time about what ever is making me crazy especially when I realize that it's a silly thing that I need to let go and she is very good at talking it through with me and not encouraging my anger but just helping me to resolve things within myself. Then I find something to do that destresses me. Sometimes I write, color, play with legos, take a bubble bath with wine, read a good book or go for a run. As SMs there is just so much that we can't change or control and I definitely know that feeling. When it's overwhelming I talk about it with DH and those conversations are long and frustrating because it takes so long to finally figure out which articulation and explanation will make him understand how I am feeling about things or what I think about certain situations and why. I especially talk things through with him when it's something that I need him to change.


 

EmbraceTheChaos
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this

 

I have been trying to commit to excercising more frequently...it's just establishing that regular routine that I find hard. It always seems like in the moment I can find the time to do something like that for myself, someone else needs me. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever feel guilty in trying to have a minute of "me time" when your family seems to need you all the time??

Quoting bottomline:

 I exercise, 1) Because it helps relieve stress 2) It allows me to focus on my health 3) It clears my mind so I can find a solution to what is bothering me 4) Gives me energy to get back in there.

Find something that you like to do. You will be amazed at how much that focus helps alleviate some stress and get a clearer picture of it. Hang in there, blended families are tough for sure.


 

ChelseNichole
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Vent. Or I take a few minutes to myself to de-stress.

EmbraceTheChaos
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:30 PM

 

I def think this is a huge help, just on the fact that I feel like I can say how I feel, without having to bite my tongue or censor all my words and see firsthand that other SM go through some of the same battles! :)

Quoting akm378mn:

VENT!  either on here or to a friend on the phone. 

venting to dh doesn't seem to help me... he doesn't get it because he is not a stepmom!  :-)

Sometimes even just reading posts on stepmom central helps because usually it makes you realize that most stepmoms have to deal w/ the same bs. 

 


 

pokey-pwa
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:35 PM
2 moms liked this
I like to type it all out. Sometimes i'll write a "letter" to BM or to DH or whatever just to get it all out. Then I save it a few days, go back and read it and delete. I never send anything I type but sometimes it just makes me feel better to get it all down on paper (computer) and say what I need to say. I usually save it in my email in a draft so no one else sees it.
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bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

 At first I would think I was being self fish but think about this: the healthier you are the better you are for your family. It's not easy to commit. I get up ridiculously early in the am because that works for me. I find that adjusting my sleep is easier than perhaps cutting into family time.

Set small goals at first. Something very realistic. You don't need a fancy gym or anything. Look up how to do circuits and do them at home. It's amazing how it makes you feel to do something that good for yourself!

Quoting EmbraceTheChaos:

 

I have been trying to commit to excercising more frequently...it's just establishing that regular routine that I find hard. It always seems like in the moment I can find the time to do something like that for myself, someone else needs me. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever feel guilty in trying to have a minute of "me time" when your family seems to need you all the time??

Quoting bottomline:

 I exercise, 1) Because it helps relieve stress 2) It allows me to focus on my health 3) It clears my mind so I can find a solution to what is bothering me 4) Gives me energy to get back in there.

Find something that you like to do. You will be amazed at how much that focus helps alleviate some stress and get a clearer picture of it. Hang in there, blended families are tough for sure.

 

 

 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:49 PM

My husband has to deal with any issues I have to my satisfaction, this dragon will blow up, I don't know how to put a smile on if I don't feel it.

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