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I need some advice...

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:17 AM
  • 4 Replies

This is off topic. This is about my daughter. I am posting this here because I feel that the women in this group have the most practical advice and generally put the interest of the child first.

Here is some background on my DD. She is 5, will be 6 in August. She is intellectually advanced for her age. She has a very outgoing personality. My dad always says "Raina could make friends in an outhouse." 

My kids started a new daycare center about a month ago. The second day there, she peed her pants. In front of everyone. Well, she has not made any friends here. She hasn't said anything to me, but she has mentioned to my dad that some kids were teasing her. I talked to the teacher about it. She said she did have a couple of incidences, but she has intervened and hasn't seen anything else her self. She explained that she has a no tolerance policy for bullying and that she encourages Raina to tell her if anyone says anything that makes her feel bad. 

Yesterday the teacher stopped me on the way out and told me she sees that Raina is isolated. But it's not just the other kids. Raina has bossy tendencies (she is bossy with her brother too, and I've been trying to get a grip on that behavior for a while but I can't) and that she is very emotional (she cries at the drop of a hat). She will grab a toy from another kid, and when that kid snatches the toy back Raina cries and tattles. She is playing the victim. 

On the ride home I tried having a talk with her about it. But she didn't really understand.  She said she only had one friend in the world and started crying. Not the normal attention getting cry. A silent tearful cry. She said she doesn't know why, but the kids at her new school don't like her. (We moved across state in the middle of the school year, she seemed to have tons of friends at her old school.)

I just don't know what to do. We have to work on HER if she wants to make friends. SHE needs to be nicer, to treat others as she would want to be treated, and that she doesn't always get her way. 

I have always tried to teach her these things at home. But I guess I've failed. What are some things I can do, or say to get these through her head?

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:17 AM
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by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:38 AM
I'm not really sure. My oldest DD is almost exactly like you've described. The exception is for her at school she ends up getting bossed around because she's trying so hard not to be bossy. Then she ends up getting her feelings hurt.

I'm not sure what to tell you to do or say other then ask her how it would make her feel when she tries to boss someone.
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:38 AM

I would say just keep reminding her about being kind. My son was the same way last year we had moved during the school year and he had a rough time adjusting, by the end of this year things have really gone back to his old personality for the most part. Good luck!

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:48 AM

She may be acting out because of the move. A new school in the middle of the year is hard at any age and some kids just don't handle all the change very well. The kids at the new school have had the opportunity to get to know each other and know the structure of the school and the classroom and have set their expectations for how things go in their classroom which may be completely different then what your daughter knew before.

It may have started out that the kids had cliques and were reluctant to let her play and escalated to her treating the others that way. Has the teacher had a talk with the entire class about how to treat friends at school and how to show that you are a friend at school and that everyone in the classroom is a friend because the class is like a family? That usually puts an end to things like this at least for a bit or at least makes most of the kids think about what is happening in the classroom.

As for her, those concepts are best taught with other kids. If school is not working maybe try another structred envoirnment like a sport or an art class. Something that is structured but also social and that you can watch the way that she is interacting.

You didn't fail. She was fine before so there is most likely something triggering the behavior or it's just an adjustment. Another idea is to find books about being nice and treating others with respect (Bearenstien Bears usually have good ones) and read the book and talk about what the Bears are doing and then connect it generally to her. That way she doesn't feel put on the spot and shut down, but rather she engages in the story and lesson.

by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:47 AM

She's only 5.  I'd give it time.  The lessons you're trying to teach her will sink in eventually, but repeating them ever day, mulitiple times per day, is just part of the age. 

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