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Not exactly a step mom but i have a question....

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:52 PM
  • 10 Replies

I'm a child of a single mom who hasnt seriously dated til after my siblings and I were grown and gone. Which I do not consider doing myself. Recently I ran into an old crush that went no where because he was with his baby's mom. Now here we are she's now six and I am about to parent a little girl of my own. My child's father is irrelevant and part of me feels like its too soon to date but I am still crazy about this man. so I want to ask can you have a casual relationship with kids involved? but I also want to know how do you create a relationship with a child?

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kristinbugg
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:56 PM
How is your child's father "irrelevant"?
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tiredmama42
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this

There is no law saying you cant date unless he is married of course.   Nothing wrong with having a casual relationship.  Take it slow and meet his daughter as dads friend.  At 6 they get a little possessive so its a good idea to let her get to know you as dads friend.  Play with her, talk to her and include her in anything you do.  Respect the childs time with her father.  

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 12:59 PM

As long as you aren't involoving the kids I don't think it matters.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 1:08 PM

I'm confused.  Is your old crush currently single or currently with BM?

If he's still involved with BM, I'd say walk away.  There's no reason to waste time on something you can't have that will, in all likelihood, only hold you back and cause you grief.  If he's 100% single, I don't see any issue with dating, but I wouldn't recommend involving kids in a "casual" relationship.  Too confusing for the kids.  Just hire a babysitter and go out.  Kids can be introduced if/when things get serious.

packermomof2
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 2:38 PM
4 moms liked this

If you want to have a casual relationship don't involve the children.  

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:55 PM

People with kids do not involve their children in 'casual' relationships.  At least the "good" parents do not do that.  It happens when you bring another life into the world.  You're life is basically all about the kids.  Your mom lived by that example, from what you mentioned above.

DDDaysh
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:21 PM

 While I don't think there is anything wrong with dating, provided you can find the time (haha), it isn't appropriate to have your children around during a "casual" relationship. 

I also would avoid starting any real relationships during the first six months to a year of your child's life.  I think you need some time to adjust to your new life and know who you are now, as a parent, before you can be in a healthy place to start a new relationship. 

bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:25 PM

 Don't involve the kids in a casual thing. It gets messy and complicated and it's hard enough for them not having both parents in the same house.

LuvMyZBoy
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 3:53 PM

Congrats on the new baby OTW. Just take your time... there are going to be a lot of changes in your life soon and quite frankly, I'm PG as well and don't entirely trust myself to make any significant decisions right now -- I can hardly keep track of my keys!! :P  I've heard good things about a book called "Dating and the Single Parent." Seems like practical advice for navigating this in the way that's best for you and your LOs. Could be worth checking out. Take care!

camo.roo
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 4:03 PM
I think with you being pregnant and a lot of changes coming your way, if it were me I'd wait. I'd wait until after I had the baby, my hormones settled and I adapted to being a new mother then I would consider dating. Just be patient. If its meant to be, it will be worth the wait.
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