Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

In-Laws' opinions on your blended family

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:26 PM
  • 18 Replies

 How much influence do you let your in-laws have on your blended family? My fil will tell a fish it's swimming incorrectly so he's a hard man to ignore.

When we were raising my SK's he was always butting in. And getting all worked up because we followed our own ideas and what worked for our family. I mean all worked up. Yelling, pouting and then not speaking to us for months at a time, all because we didn't do what he "told us to do"!

Now that the kids are grown up having families of their own, my fil won't let it be. Feels the need to tell us what we should be doing and saying.  My respect for this man is barely registered because he walked out on my mil with 6 kids! He never paid child support, lied constantly to the kids (still does to this day) and was never around to help them grow up.

I don't know where he gets this attitude that his advice has any merit. He is not the voice of experience at all!  I can barely stand him really. A few of his own kids don't have anything to do with him. So you would think since my DH does, he would be accommodating? SMH.

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
LoveMy2x4
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:32 PM

My SO's parents are like that....but not with us in our family....they do it to SO about what he should be saying/doing in regards to BM. 

My mom WAS like that, until I slowly cut out a lot of contact. I think she got the point and has backed off a lot.

ChelseNichole
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I dont really have that issue. However, I would tell him you family, you way of parenting and he can butt out LOL.

LoveMy2x4
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:35 PM


My mom was the same way. She used to tell me all the time that I should/shouldnt be doing certain things and the way I was doing things wasnt right and blah fucking blah. And meanwhile, when she was a single Mom raising my sister and I (although my dad was always involved), she NEVER did any of the things she told me to do. She just made herself look like a big hypocrite. I finally called her out on it and it stopped. 

Maybe your DH just needs to put FIL in his place. And if FIL chooses to not talk to DH because of it, then thats FILs problem.

Quoting bottomline:

 I don't know where he gets this attitude that his advice has any merit. He is not the voice of experience at all!  I can barely stand him really. A few of his own kids don't have anything to do with him. So you would think since my DH does, he would be accommodating? SMH.



bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:36 PM

 Yeah, Dh has really slowed down on the amount of contact he has with him. I always tried to encourage a relationship with him. Just because I didn't want Dh to carry around any guilt for not having tried. But I am not doing that any more. He is insulting and screams at ya. 

It's unhealthy to be that uptight all the time. And I would think exhausting as well to always think you are right? lol

Quoting LoveMy2x4:

My SO's parents are like that....but not with us in our family....they do it to SO about what he should be saying/doing in regards to BM. 

My mom WAS like that, until I slowly cut out a lot of contact. I think she got the point and has backed off a lot.

 

bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:45 PM

 That's kind of where we are and we feel guilty about not talking to him. Until we break down and go see him and he starts in right away. He just doesn't get it. And he never will, he's an old man.

You would think by having some of his kids care less and never see or call him, would make him lighten up? Wouldn't ya? He just keeps on yelling and fighting. And here's the weird thing, he comes to family functions. (it's not my idea and I think it's a bad idea but it's not my decision to make) His one daughter times him to see how long it takes before he is screaming and yelling! His personal record is 3 mins.

How sad is that? That is how he handles himself all the time. It stresses me out. lol

Quoting LoveMy2x4:

 

My mom was the same way. She used to tell me all the time that I should/shouldnt be doing certain things and the way I was doing things wasnt right and blah fucking blah. And meanwhile, when she was a single Mom raising my sister and I (although my dad was always involved), she NEVER did any of the things she told me to do. She just made herself look like a big hypocrite. I finally called her out on it and it stopped. 

Maybe your DH just needs to put FIL in his place. And if FIL chooses to not talk to DH because of it, then thats FILs problem.

Quoting bottomline:

 I don't know where he gets this attitude that his advice has any merit. He is not the voice of experience at all!  I can barely stand him really. A few of his own kids don't have anything to do with him. So you would think since my DH does, he would be accommodating? SMH.

 

 

 

jlg12678
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this

That would drive me crazy. 

I lucked out. My inlaws are kind and respectful. They will give their opinion if asked but don't push it. 

soonergirl980
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:10 PM
2 moms liked this


My mom is the same way. unless I raise my kids like she raised me I'm wrong. Considering I had a god awful childhood if I am wrong then I don't want to be "right"

Quoting LoveMy2x4:


My mom was the same way. She used to tell me all the time that I should/shouldnt be doing certain things and the way I was doing things wasnt right and blah fucking blah. And meanwhile, when she was a single Mom raising my sister and I (although my dad was always involved), she NEVER did any of the things she told me to do. She just made herself look like a big hypocrite. I finally called her out on it and it stopped. 

Maybe your DH just needs to put FIL in his place. And if FIL chooses to not talk to DH because of it, then thats FILs problem.

Quoting bottomline:

 I don't know where he gets this attitude that his advice has any merit. He is not the voice of experience at all!  I can barely stand him really. A few of his own kids don't have anything to do with him. So you would think since my DH does, he would be accommodating? SMH.





bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:18 PM

 That's my view. If this man had raised his kids and done a good job of it, I would be more inclined to listen. But he is such an asshat, about everything. And he tried to give me "step" advice. ???? He isn't a step, hell, he was never a parent.

It saddens us that we had to literally stop answering his calls and stop being available to him. Out of 6 kids he now has only 1 who has anything to do with him.  And yet he never misses an opportunity to yell about something in our lives. Grrrr.

Quoting soonergirl980:

 

My mom is the same way. unless I raise my kids like she raised me I'm wrong. Considering I had a god awful childhood if I am wrong then I don't want to be "right"

Quoting LoveMy2x4:

 

My mom was the same way. She used to tell me all the time that I should/shouldnt be doing certain things and the way I was doing things wasnt right and blah fucking blah. And meanwhile, when she was a single Mom raising my sister and I (although my dad was always involved), she NEVER did any of the things she told me to do. She just made herself look like a big hypocrite. I finally called her out on it and it stopped. 

Maybe your DH just needs to put FIL in his place. And if FIL chooses to not talk to DH because of it, then thats FILs problem.

Quoting bottomline:

 I don't know where he gets this attitude that his advice has any merit. He is not the voice of experience at all!  I can barely stand him really. A few of his own kids don't have anything to do with him. So you would think since my DH does, he would be accommodating? SMH.

 

 

 

 

 

bottomline
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:22 PM

 It does drive me crazy. DH too. And we find out about lies he is still telling people and it makes us even angrier. It sucks the life out of you fast.

I am glad your in laws respect your boundaries and just support you and your family. I wish it was that easy here.

Quoting jlg12678:

That would drive me crazy. 

I lucked out. My inlaws are kind and respectful. They will give their opinion if asked but don't push it. 

 

Amy1973Potts
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this
They don't get to have one.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)