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how to handle kid afraid of moths and butterflies freeking out...

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15yr old skid has always been afraid of butterflies and moths.. He freaks out whenever one is in the house. Unfortunately they are attracted to my bathroom lights so at night there can be a couple.. I keep telling boys not to leave lights on if they are done in the bathroom. but they don't listen..
Skid freaks out every night and refuses to take to take a shower unless dad is in bathroom with him to kill the moths for him... it has resulted in being broken like light fixtures.. dings in the wall and such..
if there is ONE little moth in there either dead or alive it's a scream fest... I say he needs to deal with the moths himself... I'm deathly afraid of wasps and stinging insects as I was stung INSIDE of my mouth by a wasp while drinking a soda at a picnic when I was very very young... however I deal with them and don't let them stop me from doing things..
Dad says I'm not being understanding about it at all. And keeps babying this kid by running up the steps when skid screams that he sees a moth...
Best way to deal with a fear is to do exactly that.. deal with it...
but apparently I am wrong...

what say you?
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 10:41 PM
Replies (21-30):
aeELE
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 2:53 PM
If I am startled by a creepy crawly I scream. Before I can even think, it is out of my mouth.

Apparently my bug scream sounds different than other startled screams, bc DH always immediately shows up w a tissue/napkin in hand to handle it.

I don't actually like being afraid of bugs. It's so damn stereotypical! Not to mention upsetting and inconvenient.
huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 4:34 PM
My 15 year old SD is afraid of Frogs. Cracks me up. Maybe you can get one of those kits that has the worm turning into the butterfly or moth. Has he said why he is afraid of them.
kss12
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 5:40 PM
It would resolve the issue


Quoting packermomof2:




Quoting kss12:

I say grab 2 bags.. 1 bag full of moths and 1 bag full of butterflies. Have skid walk into bathroom and explain to him.. You need to remember to shut the light off or this will happen. That'll stop the butterflies and moths from coming in since he'll remember to shut the light off



If my kid is scared of something and someone did something like this to them that person and I would go round and round.  Don't care how irrational the fear is, do not be an ass about it.


packermomof2
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 5:50 PM



Quoting kss12:

It would resolve the issue
Not likely.  I'm afraid of clowns.  Seriously.  It's irrational and I know where it stems from.  If I was forced to go to a circus I would not be not afraid anymore.  I'd leave.  After considering kicking whoever took me in the shins.
 I also don't like people touching me.  Can't stand it.  I finally broke down and got a massage the other day - not because I thought it would be nice, but because I have a chronic issue and this was a last resort.  My husband was all 'you're going to LOVE it"... no.  I didn't.  Even though it was my idea I felt violated in a weird way... it was the worst Idea I have had in a long time...I fought the urge to get up and leave big time... at the end of it the girl says "just lay there, relax, slowly get up when you're done and get dressed... ring the bell to let me know you're ready for me to come in...'... She closed the door and I hopped up and was dressed in less than a minute and out of there in less than five... me making myself deal with it didn't help it.. I would rather live with the pain than have someone touch me again... I would rather never go to a circus than to take my kids to one (I never have and never will)...
And I won't subject others to that kind of "torture"... (it isn't true torture, I suppose, but it can feel that way)... So, if someone were to think their jack ass way of "helping" my kids was to subject them to their fear in a big way I'd do what I could to keep that person away from my children. The kid will eventually either work through it or they won't, but trying to scar them for life isn't the way to go.  

kss12
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I truly do understand what you're saying, but for children their fears are meaningless.. You know? For example, as a child I was afraid of the dark and scorpions, now I'm not. They are illegitimate fears. I used to love frogs and lizards and now I hate them. I hate cockroaches. If I found one in my bathroom id kill it then hop in the shower. The child in this scenario needs to learn that the fear isn't real and that the bug can either be batted out of the bathroom or killed. Simple. For some children a made up fear is a cry for attention. Children need to be taught that their fears aren't literally real.
Anyway, I see where you're coming from but I wouldn't make the child's fear real by feeding into it, id talk to the child and rationalize.
My original post was in fun.. I wouldn't truly do that to anyone!


Quoting packermomof2:
Quoting kss12:It would resolve the issueNot likely.  I'm afraid of clowns.  Seriously.  It's irrational and I know where it stems from.  If I was forced to go to a circus I would not be not afraid anymore.  I'd leave.  After considering kicking whoever took me in the shins.  I also don't like people touching me.  Can't stand it.  I finally broke down and got a massage the other day - not because I thought it would be nice, but because I have a chronic issue and this was a last resort.  My husband was all 'you're going to LOVE it"... no.  I didn't.  Even though it was my idea I felt violated in a weird way... it was the worst Idea I have had in a long time...I fought the urge to get up and leave big time... at the end of it the girl says "just lay there, relax, slowly get up when you're done and get dressed... ring the bell to let me know you're ready for me to come in...'... She closed the door and I hopped up and was dressed in less than a minute and out of there in less than five... me making myself deal with it didn't help it.. I would rather live with the pain than have someone touch me again... I would rather never go to a circus than to take my kids to one (I never have and never will)...And I won't subject others to that kind of "torture"... (it isn't true torture, I suppose, but it can feel that way)... So, if someone were to think their jack ass way of "helping" my kids was to subject them to their fear in a big way I'd do what I could to keep that person away from my children. The kid will eventually either work through it or they won't, but trying to scar them for life isn't the way to go.  
SMInProgress
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 6:41 PM
1 mom liked this

LOL but do you break down & start crying in a store & think you're going to stop breathing & run to the car yelling "take me to emergency, take me to emergency" like a raving lunatic?  When there was no spider?  And he freaks out a lot of small things too, just really a scare kid & panics a lot. Wish the therapist would address this more.  At 16, it's not just about bugs, there's a problem. I think this is what the OP is trying express.  Her skid is 15 & breaking things, etc.  I do worry if my 16yr old skid will ever have a GF at this rate :)

Think KSS is spot on when you take the position of explaining fears & what really is danger & what is imaginary & instead of feeding into them.

Quoting RobsPrincess24:

I'm deathly afraid of spiders. I'm 25 and they will stop me in my tracks. I hate, hate, hate them and there have been times when I've refused to move from where I am until someone can come kill it. I even once had my neighbor come kill one for me. Fortunately those close to me know how afraid I am of them, and they always come to my rescue. I'm sure it's a pain in the butt sometimes, but your SS will appreciate the rescues when he's older. I know I appreciate all the times I was saved. LOL.


HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 7:08 PM
This.

Resolving this issue has more to do with WHY he is afraid, than WHAT he is afraid of. You would need to track down what started it ball and start to resolve it from there.


Quoting baparrot2:

Lots of people have irrational fears. It is really very real to them. Don't discount them just because you were able to get over yours. You are different.

Amy1973Potts
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:05 PM
Fears can be irrational but this is a big 15 yo who is wrecking a bathroom. Not LEAVING the bathroom, staying in it and causing real damage. Not acceptable.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:01 PM

This is it exactly. A fear and a phobia are different.

The reaction we're talking about here is NOT a simple fear, it's a phobia and needs to be treated properly. 


Quoting DDDaysh:

 I say phobias impact different people differently. 

If it's having a serious impact on his son's life, he needs to get the child therapy. 

But it isn't as simple as "just deal with it"! 



Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:05 PM

Their fears are meaning less?

The last thing you need to do to ANYONE with a fear/phobia of something is throw them into a situation all of a sudden where they have to confront it. It can cause even MORE serious psychological issues. If the kid's fear is so bad that he's destroying things to avoid them, then he needs therapy, not punishment.

I'm TERRIFIED of spiders. I cannot physically kill them. Logically I know they can't hurt me. Every once in a while we get a hobo spider which can be slightly dangerous, but 99% of the ones that are around here are harmless. That doesn't change my horrible fear of them. 


Quoting kss12:

I truly do understand what you're saying, but for children their fears are meaningless.. You know? For example, as a child I was afraid of the dark and scorpions, now I'm not. They are illegitimate fears. I used to love frogs and lizards and now I hate them. I hate cockroaches. If I found one in my bathroom id kill it then hop in the shower. The child in this scenario needs to learn that the fear isn't real and that the bug can either be batted out of the bathroom or killed. Simple. For some children a made up fear is a cry for attention. Children need to be taught that their fears aren't literally real.
Anyway, I see where you're coming from but I wouldn't make the child's fear real by feeding into it, id talk to the child and rationalize.
My original post was in fun.. I wouldn't truly do that to anyone!


Quoting packermomof2:
Quoting kss12:It would resolve the issueNot likely.  I'm afraid of clowns.  Seriously.  It's irrational and I know where it stems from.  If I was forced to go to a circus I would not be not afraid anymore.  I'd leave.  After considering kicking whoever took me in the shins.  I also don't like people touching me.  Can't stand it.  I finally broke down and got a massage the other day - not because I thought it would be nice, but because I have a chronic issue and this was a last resort.  My husband was all 'you're going to LOVE it"... no.  I didn't.  Even though it was my idea I felt violated in a weird way... it was the worst Idea I have had in a long time...I fought the urge to get up and leave big time... at the end of it the girl says "just lay there, relax, slowly get up when you're done and get dressed... ring the bell to let me know you're ready for me to come in...'... She closed the door and I hopped up and was dressed in less than a minute and out of there in less than five... me making myself deal with it didn't help it.. I would rather live with the pain than have someone touch me again... I would rather never go to a circus than to take my kids to one (I never have and never will)...And I won't subject others to that kind of "torture"... (it isn't true torture, I suppose, but it can feel that way)... So, if someone were to think their jack ass way of "helping" my kids was to subject them to their fear in a big way I'd do what I could to keep that person away from my children. The kid will eventually either work through it or they won't, but trying to scar them for life isn't the way to go.  



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