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CS does have an expiration date.....

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:54 AM
  • 88 Replies

All of these CS posts got me thinking.  Is there something that I am missing?  Doesn't the CP who chooses to be under or un-employed realize that CS does have an expiration date?  Isn't working below your abilities and pay grade, in our case BM, just proving that you would rather live off of CS than better yourself for your future?  What happens when CS stops?  You still have the same crap job and a degree that will do you no good ten+ years later. 

Shortly after BM went back to work after she had SS9 she had received a promotion and a hefty raise and CS was calculated on that. She requested a move back to her old department and went back down in pay willingly and went back to court to recalculate CS from that and was awarded an increase from DH. Never once did the judge mention her earning potential yet he calculated an increase a couple of years ago based on a one time bonus DH received and DH had provided an affidavit to the judge stating that it was a one time bonus but the judge counted it as earning potential.

In our situation, DH pays $1200/month in CS and goes beyond that in other expenses for SS9.  DH worked full-time and went to school full-time to be able to move up at his company.  BM, on the other hand, got a degree a couple of years ago and was bragging about how she was going to make so much money at her new job.....until her lawyer told her how much CS would reduce.  BM opted not to take the higher paying job but to stay at her factory job instead.  Again, her income was never imputed based on her earning potential.  So, BM can essentially be lazy and sit and press a button for years and not aspire to anything more just because it would lower CS.  I can just see the fire and pitchforks descending on any man who tried to pull the same thing. So, where's the equality and who will BM blame in the future when she isn't getting CS anymore and can't afford to "live"?  In New York State CS stops when the child reaches the age of emancipation (21) or is legally emancipated (which could happen if SS goes in the military, gets married, lives on his own and financially supports himself, etc.). Given her history, I can pretty much guarantee that BM will not allow him to move out of the house until he's 21 just so she can keep collecting CS.  Sad but true, even though she made her older son, now 21, move out a couple of years ago because "he was old enough to take care of himself".  Of course she never got CS for him even though she tried to get it from DH for her older two when they divorced.

by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:00 AM

You do realize that when CS stops is usually when the kid is up and off on their own and not using up so many monetary resources anymore right? It all ends up in the wash eventually.

CS for my DD is going to end when she is 21 (as long as she is enrolled in college and has reasonable expectation of graduation) at which point she will be off on her own paying her own bills and not running mine up. At which point I will be saving a butt ton of money with just her being gone. Problem solved.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:02 AM

your BM will be able to live just fine without CS when she is no longer forking out tons of money for raising kids. See how that works?

stepmomD
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:12 AM

I know exactly how CS works.  My biggest point here is that BM chooses to work below her earning potential which she has proven more than once and has never been penalized for it.  She has stated that she can because she can "pay all of her bills and then some with CS and use her paycheck as play money".  So, according to her she's not spending a "butt ton" of her own money on SS anyway.  I'm talking about when CS stops.  She will be no better off financially and has the opportunity to make those changes now but chooses not to. Why not better your life now, even at the risk of losing some CS, because it will better you in the future?  I just finished my degree.  I could choose to live on what we make now or I can choose to better myself now to benefit my family now and then my DH and myself when the kids move out.  Who wouldn't choose to do that if they could?

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:14 AM


Quoting stepmomD:

I know exactly how CS works.  My biggest point here is that BM chooses to work below her earning potential which she has proven more than once and has never been penalized for it.  She has stated that she can because she can "pay all of her bills and then some with CS and use her paycheck as play money".  So, according to her she's not spending a "butt ton" of her own money on SS anyway.  I'm talking about when CS stops.  She will be no better off financially and has the opportunity to make those changes now but chooses not to. Why not better your life now, even at the risk of losing some CS, because it will better you in the future?  I just finished my degree.  I could choose to live on what we make now or I can choose to better myself now to benefit my family now and then my DH and myself when the kids move out.  Who wouldn't choose to do that if they could?

Why do you care? I mean really ask yourself that question. WHY DO YOU CARE?

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

 

A lot of times with raises or changing jobs comes with having to give up some flexibility or paid time off. When kids are young some people really enjoy having that flexibility or being to take so many days off to spend with their kids. Kids are only little once.

Quoting stepmomD:

I know exactly how CS works.  My biggest point here is that BM chooses to work below her earning potential which she has proven more than once and has never been penalized for it.  She has stated that she can because she can "pay all of her bills and then some with CS and use her paycheck as play money".  So, according to her she's not spending a "butt ton" of her own money on SS anyway.  I'm talking about when CS stops.  She will be no better off financially and has the opportunity to make those changes now but chooses not to. Why not better your life now, even at the risk of losing some CS, because it will better you in the future?  I just finished my degree.  I could choose to live on what we make now or I can choose to better myself now to benefit my family now and then my DH and myself when the kids move out.  Who wouldn't choose to do that if they could?


 

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:20 AM

haha. I saw your post in the pot of gold thread, and made another thread somewhat similar to this one.

 

Like Parrot said, BM still has expenses for the kids. When the kids are gone, those expenses will stop, and BM will be able to use all her money on only herself.

 

Now, if BM truly is using the CS to pay for a lifestyle she can’t afford (let’s just say she really spends $200 on stuff for the kids, and the other $1000 on herself) then she’ll suffer when CS ends. But – that’s on her. It might be frustrating to watch her milk it now, but in the end, she’s the one shooting herself in the foot. The outcome of her choices will only hurt her, so just try to let it go and move on.

stepmomD
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 I can see that point as that's what I consider with my children.  But BM has never taken SS on vacation, complains that she can't go out on her weekends with him so she has DH and I take him when she wants to have a girls' night out, which is good for DH he gets more time with him.  She askes me to take him when he's sick.  She even puts SS in daycare when she has a day off. 


Quoting amantonacci:

 

A lot of times with raises or changing jobs comes with having to give up some flexibility or paid time off. When kids are young some people really enjoy having that flexibility or being to take so many days off to spend with their kids. Kids are only little once.

Quoting stepmomD:

I know exactly how CS works.  My biggest point here is that BM chooses to work below her earning potential which she has proven more than once and has never been penalized for it.  She has stated that she can because she can "pay all of her bills and then some with CS and use her paycheck as play money".  So, according to her she's not spending a "butt ton" of her own money on SS anyway.  I'm talking about when CS stops.  She will be no better off financially and has the opportunity to make those changes now but chooses not to. Why not better your life now, even at the risk of losing some CS, because it will better you in the future?  I just finished my degree.  I could choose to live on what we make now or I can choose to better myself now to benefit my family now and then my DH and myself when the kids move out.  Who wouldn't choose to do that if they could?

 

 


 

DDDaysh
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:25 AM
3 moms liked this

 I was thinking this when I read it.  I turned down a promotion a couple of years ago, because if I had taken the promotion I would have had to work more hours under way more stress, and I knew that wouldn't be good for DS.  I had funds enough to keep us afloat, and it was more vital to his well being that he actually have time with me when I wasn't insanely stressed out.  I needed to be able to be home on weekends and not have to travel alot for work. 

Don't get me wrong, money is crucial to raising children, but so is time.  Parenting is about finding a balance. 

And besides...  Unless BD actually starts paying something soon, when they do finally catch up to him, it's likely I'll be receiving checks until DS is 50! 

Quoting amantonacci:

 

A lot of times with raises or changing jobs comes with having to give up some flexibility or paid time off. When kids are young some people really enjoy having that flexibility or being to take so many days off to spend with their kids. Kids are only little once.

Quoting stepmomD:

 

 

 

 

stepmomD
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 I let go of CS issues long ago.  All of these threads just kind of got the thoughts flowing and I decided to ask for opinions, which I may not have stated it that way, on what you ladies think about it.  Thank you for your insight.

 

Quoting progressandjoy:

haha. I saw your post in the pot of gold thread, and made another thread somewhat similar to this one.

 

Like Parrot said, BM still has expenses for the kids. When the kids are gone, those expenses will stop, and BM will be able to use all her money on only herself.

 

Now, if BM truly is using the CS to pay for a lifestyle she can’t afford (let’s just say she really spends $200 on stuff for the kids, and the other $1000 on herself) then she’ll suffer when CS ends. But – that’s on her. It might be frustrating to watch her milk it now, but in the end, she’s the one shooting herself in the foot. The outcome of her choices will only hurt her, so just try to let it go and move on.

 

 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:27 AM

1. there is a butt ton of families not taking vacations lately.

2. You could say no to the extra time. But asking dad if he wants his children for what ever reason is a perfectly fine request.

3. you can say no to taking SS when he is sick. Why does she do that? How many times has it happened.

4. I too have taken my child to daycare as well when I had some time off. No biggie. That day is being paid for anyway.

Quoting stepmomD:

 I can see that point as that's what I consider with my children.  But BM has never taken SS on vacation, complains that she can't go out on her weekends with him so she has DH and I take him when she wants to have a girls' night out, which is good for DH he gets more time with him.  She askes me to take him when he's sick.  She even puts SS in daycare when she has a day off. 


Quoting amantonacci:


A lot of times with raises or changing jobs comes with having to give up some flexibility or paid time off. When kids are young some people really enjoy having that flexibility or being to take so many days off to spend with their kids. Kids are only little once.

Quoting stepmomD:

I know exactly how CS works.  My biggest point here is that BM chooses to work below her earning potential which she has proven more than once and has never been penalized for it.  She has stated that she can because she can "pay all of her bills and then some with CS and use her paycheck as play money".  So, according to her she's not spending a "butt ton" of her own money on SS anyway.  I'm talking about when CS stops.  She will be no better off financially and has the opportunity to make those changes now but chooses not to. Why not better your life now, even at the risk of losing some CS, because it will better you in the future?  I just finished my degree.  I could choose to live on what we make now or I can choose to better myself now to benefit my family now and then my DH and myself when the kids move out.  Who wouldn't choose to do that if they could?






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