Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Together on the field :-/

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:46 PM
  • 23 Replies
SS is 4 and will be starting soccer with a league for 10 weeks soon. Its during my SOs time so he will be bringing him. SO has said he thinks I should go. SS would love for me to be there too, also it's in the middle of our only family day (actually half-day really) together and out of the way so it makes sense for us to stay together and not split up and meet up later.

BM will definitely be there and maybe or maybe not her SO too. She hates the fact that I exist, and I would love if it were possible for her to disappear too. This will be the first time our respective couples will be at the same place for a length of time.

I guess my question goes out to those who have experience with these 'at the field' times. I feel like it might be weird for SS too - like if we sit away from eachother might put pressure on him as far a who to go to, like choosing one side over the other. If we sit near eachother...ugh we can't stand being exposed to that woman so up close for any length of time. And I like to try to take the advice of those on here who say - don't deal with her, don't know how to accomplish that if she's right next to us and SS interacting with us all.

Idk just seeing what others experiences are like at these things...whats it like with these special separate family situations and how do the kids react?
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 9:46 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 10:39 PM
I can't stand BM. But to each others face we are civil. I always went to ss games. SHE barely ever goes. I'm not sure if she feels weird around me or if she simply doesn't care. She hasn't said and never complained of me being there.

If she isn't likely to act a fool I'd just go and stay in another area and respect her peace.
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:30 PM
You just go and do your thing like any other spectator. A soccer game is not an exclusive event. If ss goes to bm before you and wants to talk to her that is no big deal.
mellienium
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 11:41 PM
1 mom liked this
BM loathes me and I her, but in front of SS I do not show that it affects me. I say hello and smile and act as delightfully as I can. With that said, husband and I dont spend more than 5 min next to bm or any of her crazy family.
Dont show SS that you are uncomfortable and he wont be uncomfortable. Kids pick up on uneasiness and will sense something is wrong if you act differently.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:01 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't have experience with this exact situation but ... BUT... I am a soccer mom so I've been witness to it. Lol does that count?

I always find entertainment in the ex wife and the new wife find their respective locations at the fields. The fields we play at have two different sets of benches away from each other. It would be nice and the rest of the team would LOVE it, if one family would go to the other bench and the other family stay on the opposite side. There is nothing more annoying than trying to watch your kid play soccer and you have two women trying to play soccer mom. It's distracting and uncomfortable. I've actually wondered, should we move? So that we don't get caught in the cross fires. I've over heard the snide comments. My child has been present for snide comments. My parents, my in laws, my sister and her son. It sucks. Keep that crap at home. The rest of us think its funny for the first oh.... 15 minutes but then it just gets old and we just want to watch our kid play not listen to what is going on between the two families.
And it's always the opinion of the other moms that mom is mom and should be allowed to watch her kid play in peace. Maybe find the back bench of the bleacher and stay put. Let the parents enjoy their kid playing soccer and keep the drama to a minimum. Or you'll find yourself the family that everyone shys away from. I stay far away from that drama. And so do the rest of my soccer mom friends.

Just my experience as an outsider watching from the middle row.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
HighRoadToPnH
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Lil tid bits about BM:
-Everything is a competition.
-Wants control of all situations at all times.
-Everything is an over dramatized show.
-She has wanted so badly for my SO and her to do family things together with SS and he hasn't, this is finally a time where they'll be at same place at same time together and I honestly don't think she'll care that I'm there I think she's gonna pull her mommy daddy baby card and sit right next to my SO pretending like they're a happy family......I could be wrong lets hope so and hope she'll just leave us alone.
HighRoadToPnH
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:15 AM
Thanks for your input, that's very helpful to have a sideliner view. I have no problem not being in the spotlight and will probably just wave and smile if he looks over at me, keeping things not showy and NO drama is what I'd prefer!



Quoting momof2ex1:

I don't have experience with this exact situation but ... BUT... I am a soccer mom so I've been witness to it. Lol does that count?



I always find entertainment in the ex wife and the new wife find their respective locations at the fields. The fields we play at have two different sets of benches away from each other. It would be nice and the rest of the team would LOVE it, if one family would go to the other bench and the other family stay on the opposite side. There is nothing more annoying than trying to watch your kid play soccer and you have two women trying to play soccer mom. It's distracting and uncomfortable. I've actually wondered, should we move? So that we don't get caught in the cross fires. I've over heard the snide comments. My child has been present for snide comments. My parents, my in laws, my sister and her son. It sucks. Keep that crap at home. The rest of us think its funny for the first oh.... 15 minutes but then it just gets old and we just want to watch our kid play not listen to what is going on between the two families.

And it's always the opinion of the other moms that mom is mom and should be allowed to watch her kid play in peace. Maybe find the back bench of the bleacher and stay put. Let the parents enjoy their kid playing soccer and keep the drama to a minimum. Or you'll find yourself the family that everyone shys away from. I stay far away from that drama. And so do the rest of my soccer mom friends.



Just my experience as an outsider watching from the middle row.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:19 AM

SD isn't in any sports, but I wouldn't let awkwardness with BM prevent me from cheering SD on if she were in sports/activities.

packermomof2
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:27 AM

I never sat with or near SM except for one time.  The kids always sat with me.  They never went to her.  The one and only time I sat near her was because dad was late and sat near me.  She and dad decided to walk away and she made it a point to ask my ex's sister to watch my kids (it was clarified that I would do that)... she huffed off.

After that?  She only came to a handful of things (mostly because dad didn't), but kids were with me, they said hi to their father, and that was that.  

No one cared that she was there.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 6:26 AM
2 moms liked this

Keep this in mind and you will be fine.

Why are you going there? To see this boy play soccer.

Now say that over and over again and everything else should fall away.

Go there with a "nothing else matters" Attitude.

teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:30 AM
We did football all together for years. My son was too busy enjoying his sport to care who was where....we never sat "together" but it was fine. The child becomes the focal point really.
Although, there was an incident where SM and Dad went out drinking with all of the other football parents and spent that entire time "bad mouthing" me. And SM sent me a drunk email letting me know "all the parents know the truth about you" LOL.
Not sure what she expected from that ?!?!?!
I was very well "received" by the coaches, parents. Even the football players because I always brought oranges for half time and food for after the games. It was so fun to feed an entire football team lol.

The only think she/they accomplished was wasting their fun time out talking about me. There was zero negative impact. I wasn't treated or looked at any differently. Primarily because actions speak louder than words and my positive actions spoke a hell of a lot louder than there craziness.

How flattering! All that time and energy focused on me. Wow. Lol.

They had to give that up when nothing came from it-then it was fine again.

I was so focused on my son and the team that I didn't have time to feed into it. So it disappeared.

The point is the child-not each other and if he is 4 you've got a LONG LONG way to go.....

Personally I find the real young ones are so funny to watch. In the middle of the game a four year old will stop and pick a flower or something LOL.

With my SD-she's into softball and I find softball and baseball to be incredibly boring. Even when my son played.....Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
I played softball in middle and high school too...and it bored me then too. It's definitely not personal. SD LOVES softball. It is her absolute passion. But the game still bores me....
Maybe when she's in high school...?!?!
I go to one game per season only. I take lots of pictures and her mother appreciates that I go to one game per season and she completely understands I'm not overly into it or over involved. She wouldn't care either way as the point is SD's passion...
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)