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I don't know what to do anymore:( **UPDATE!!**

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:17 PM
  • 52 Replies
1 mom liked this
My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. We have 2 little ones together and then my 7 year old son and his 13 year old boy.

My son has been around since my husband and I met and he treats him just like his own. Always has. He is the most amazing daddy and husband in the world and is very loving towards them.

My issue is that his 13 year old son came to live with us a year ago after his mom died of a drug overdose. My stepson was in terrible living conditions his whole life, being bounced around from family member to family member, but never with his dad. His dad moved here to vegas several years ago and although he paid child support, was never there for him.

I've given him a hard time more than once about what that has done to his son.... Child support never equals time love and affection and my husband really screwed up as far as I'm concerned.

The problem is now though:( his son has lived with us for a year , like I said, and my husband makes no effort whatsoever to have a relationship with him:( his son has a stuttering problem and my husband rolls his eyes at him whenever he starts talking, ignores him, interrupts him, and is just so rude to the point that Brandon doesn't even want to talk to his dad anymore. My husband comes home from work and Brandon will tell him hi and literally go into his room until he is called.
Brandon has his issues too.... He's a crazy liar.... Like insanely crazy... Will lie about the stupidest things and then argue with you how true they are... But he got that from how he grew up. He was taught to lie, cheat, and steal and I'm sorry but after all that, I know he's trying. He respects our family and loves us and is truly trying to get his dads approval:(

I am so bitter about how my husband treats him though:( no amount of arguing with him or yelling at my husband or crying works:( he doesn't see what he's doing to him, to me. I was not prepared at all to raise a 13 year old... I went from 1 son to 4 kids within 2 years and its overwhelming:( he leaves me to deal with his son all the time. And not always "deal with" but I hope you know what I mean.... He's not "mine" and I still have had to learn to lovehim like my own.

It's just sad when my 7 year old boy comes up to me and says "I know dad loves me more than Brandon and I'm not even his real son"

Help???!!!!!!
I'm at my whits end:( another day of arguing with my husband because all be did was demean his son last night at dinner and I told my husband he wouldn't be getting any affection from me until something changed:( I don't know what else to do:(
We've tried setting up counseling but I can't make an appointment because he's not under my insurance and my husband doesn't care to follow through with anything "Brandon" related.
Ugh!!!!!
Ideas????????

Brandon can't live like this:( he already lost his mother (whether she was really there or not) and he deserves a dad.... Especially when he sees his dad being so sweet and affectionate to the younger kids:(


***update!****
This last weekend was probably one of the hardest my marriage and this family has ever endured. Shit hit the fan, the truth came out, things got nasty, and my husband was packing up his stuff and leaving.
I called my in-laws, said that at the very least, if my husband was leaving, we needed someone to supervise so he wouldn't keep wreaking havoc.
My father in law talked to him for over 2 hours....
Told him how obvious it has been, in the little amount of time that they see us, how Brandon is treated different. My husband treats him like a piece of crap. My FIL said a lot of things my hubby didn't want to hear. They both cried a lot. And then afterwards, my husband came in and had a talk Brandon and then with me.
He said he told Brandon he wanted to get to know him better and that he promised he would spend time, even if it was just a few minutes, with JUST him, everyday. He apologized for how he had acted, how he had blown up, and said he wanted to be better.

When he talked to me, he said things I had never expected. Basically, he had blamed me this whole last year that Brandon was even with us. If it had been up to him, he would have left Brandon in Utah and never seen or talked to him again. He didn't care. But I had to push. And he brought Brandon down here to prove a point. Deep inside he felt that he was doing this for me and so I would have to raise him.
I held my tongue and just listened.

I hate to admit it came down to that. Our kids saw us fight in a way they never should have. I'm grateful for my in laws.... Grateful that they can speak truth and my hubby will listen to them.

It's 4 days later though and things are better. Hubby has been following through with what he said he would do. We are praying together. And we found a counselor that will better suit our schedules. It's going to take time.... Trust and love don't come easy. But this is worth it.
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Graceplustwo
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:26 PM
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Wow is all I can say. Thank God you are taking a stand. The poor kid needs it. I have NO advice on how to deal with this , but I can encourage you and say that its not right for your DH to treat his own flesh and blood like a dog on the street. And stay strong, pray and maybe God will change his heart
jacobsmommy84
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:43 PM
Thanks:( I need a miracle~


Quoting Graceplustwo:

Wow is all I can say. Thank God you are taking a stand. The poor kid needs it. I have NO advice on how to deal with this , but I can encourage you and say that its not right for your DH to treat his own flesh and blood like a dog on the street. And stay strong, pray and maybe God will change his heart

Given_to_Fly
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:44 PM
Wow, poor kid. I don't really have any advice, but I will say he us lucky to have you in his life. You DH sounds like an ass. Why did he not pursue custody of his child living in those conditions??

I would say he sounds like a far cry from an " amazing Dad".
jacobsmommy84
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 7:55 PM
He's an amazing dad to our youngest 3. I don't know how he can despise his own son so much but he does and it makes me sick:(
He's a totally different person around Brandon.
He'll be laughing and playing with the younger kids and as soon as Brandon walks in the room, his face just drops and he shows how annoyed he is. He'll stop playing and will even leave the room sometimes if Brandon won't.

I don't get it:(


Quoting Given_to_Fly:

Wow, poor kid. I don't really have any advice, but I will say he us lucky to have you in his life. You DH sounds like an ass. Why did he not pursue custody of his child living in those conditions??



I would say he sounds like a far cry from an " amazing Dad".

Given_to_Fly
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:14 PM
2 moms liked this
Quoting jacobsmommy84:




I'm going to be very blunt here, so try not to take this wrong... this kid deserves better than what he is getting. If your DH cannot even stand to be in the same room with him then maybe he should make other arrangements for his son. At this point, he has lost both parents and that is not fair to him. Maybe your DH should look into a foster family or even an adoptive family for him.
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:19 PM

Therapy - your family and your SS require professional intervention at this point.  Your SS and your DH require therapy for the issues with their relationship.  

kmur
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 do you think your dh might have "guilt" because he WASNT there for his son and now he seees how his son has lived, what hes been through and how he acts...maybe your dh is angry and feeling guilty, but not at his son but at HIMSELF, and he doesnt know how to deal/handle it???

im not saying thats an excuse, because honestlt, the way hes treating that poor child is terrible and hurtful, but.....it just may be that,

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:27 PM
Is there another relative he could go live with? Your husband barely knows him and has no desire to - he doesn't even seem to like him very much. Does your SS have grandparents who would take him in?

In another two years, he will be bigger and angrier. The neglect your husband is showing now will come back to hurt your entire family.
jacobsmommy84
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:55 PM
I've threatened to drive him back to Utah myself so he can be with his grandparents again.
My children and I love Brandon so much though and I guess it's out of selfishness that I just want things to be better so we can be a family


Quoting Given_to_Fly:

Quoting jacobsmommy84:






I'm going to be very blunt here, so try not to take this wrong... this kid deserves better than what he is getting. If your DH cannot even stand to be in the same room with him then maybe he should make other arrangements for his son. At this point, he has lost both parents and that is not fair to him. Maybe your DH should look into a foster family or even an adoptive family for him.

jacobsmommy84
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 8:55 PM
I've threatened to drive him back to Utah myself so he can be with his grandparents again.
My children and I love Brandon so much though and I guess it's out of selfishness that I just want things to be better so we can be a family


Quoting Given_to_Fly:

Quoting jacobsmommy84:






I'm going to be very blunt here, so try not to take this wrong... this kid deserves better than what he is getting. If your DH cannot even stand to be in the same room with him then maybe he should make other arrangements for his son. At this point, he has lost both parents and that is not fair to him. Maybe your DH should look into a foster family or even an adoptive family for him.

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