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Does this sound normal? Is it just a phase?

Posted by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 1:42 PM
  • 13 Replies

Is this just a phase or could something else be going on?  Stepson will be 9 next Saturday.  The other day he told Grandma ( my MIL) that his stepfather beat him with a belt.   My husband called BM and had a long talk with her over the phone and at the end of the conversation had come to the conclusion that SS hadn't been hit with a belt.  He didn't have any welts or evidence that he was hit with a belt. We had him a week before he said this.  He has said other things about his stepfather, for example, that he beat SS with a tv remote, which he told his teacher and CYS got involved with that, who after investigating came to no conclusions that he isn't being beaten.   SS admitted he lied about it the tv remote.  His other lies aren't about other people, just SF.  DH asked BM if SS says anything about him or I while he is here and he doesn't say anything about us.  He is left alone with me at times.  BM is working and SF is not right now, so he's left alone with SF also at times.  Some of the things he says he does and doesn't tell us or things he makes up. He lies about having accidents when we ask him and last week told BM that our dog ran away and we never found her.  Our dog was sitting on DH when BM told him this, she never ran away.  He just now started telling us a few weeks ago about having accidents instead of trying to hide it.  But the part that confuses me is SS will make pictures or paint things and says he is going to give them to SF and he is happy about giving those things to him.  I don't understand why he says these things about SF and then goes and makes him gifts.  I don't think DH knows what to think either.  He's afraid something really is going on, or if he's just going through a phase, that someone is going to get into some serious trouble with CYS.   CYS has been involved three times over the last few years from authorities because of SS and all claims have been dismissed. 

by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 1:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 1:53 PM
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Wow it sounds like mom and dad need to get that kid in to therapy. I think little fibs happen and while I don't want to say they are OK I want to say, they are normal until the kid learns not to fib. Doesn't sound like SS has had any kind of punishment or consequence for his lies. Maybe he is begging for attention? I would seek the advice of a counselor.
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SMInProgress
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Therapy & hidden nanny cams in both your houses. Sorry to say, this doesn't sound normal. He sounds actually manipulative & attention seeking.  Needs to stop now.

shoot4thestars
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:12 PM

 


Quoting momof2ex1:

Wow it sounds like mom and dad need to get that kid in to therapy. I think little fibs happen and while I don't want to say they are OK I want to say, they are normal until the kid learns not to fib. Doesn't sound like SS has had any kind of punishment or consequence for his lies. Maybe he is begging for attention? I would seek the advice of a counselor.


My DH always gives punishmenst for his lies.  He's never not given a punishment for lie that I can remember and he sticks to them.   He has been seeing a counselor for a few years now.   We thought SS was making an improvement when he started telling us about his accidents a few weeks ago. 

 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:18 PM

Honestly, if all his lies are target at one person, I'd want to know why. That is the concerning part to me.

It could be something as simple as SF not paying enough attention to him when he's there. Or it could be something more severe, and SS is lying about what's really happening, but DOES have an issue with SF.

Or, the issue could be with BM, was she a SAHM before now? If so, SS could be having issues adjusting to her not being there as much and maybe blames SF since SF is now home. 

Tx_stepmom
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 2:57 PM

Sounds like he's lying for the attention.  Maybe therapy might be needed?  

247mom-6
by on Jul. 20, 2013 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes, I don't know how long BM and SF have been married, but it certainly sounds like he is going through that Freudian complex where he is jealous of SF and wants BM possibly all to himself!! So to get him out of the picture he is doing what he thinks might work, from something he has heard- he lies about physical abuse and that is sad, maybe if BM can spend more one on one time with him for now it will help this as well as therapy if both BP agree.
teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 4:33 PM
Get him into therapy ASAP
jeniemarie
by Member on Jul. 20, 2013 at 4:40 PM
weve had similair issues with SS9. whenever his BM leaves his life i become the hateful target. but since DH is active in his life there has to be another unlying issue. how long has BM been working and leaving him at home with SF? if its a recent thing it could just be his way of getting her attention.

its good that he is being called out on the lies and also is in counseling. hopefully it will be something that is just a phase, but he still needs to realize that what hes saying can get him and his family in a lot of trouble.
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FindersKeepers
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 3:23 PM

It is hard to know what is going on.   8/9 is a normal age for kids to test out lying.   BUT the fact that he is lying about big things would be something to keep an eye on.  

Kids lie when they get away with it, get attention (positive or negative), or when they are getting some benefit from the situation.   A councilor may help if he is responsive.   If not (which some kids are not responsive to counseling), then observer for yourself... No evidence thus far that he is telling the truth so move that to the back, but not off the table.  Does he not like his step-dad?  Is he fearful?  I am sure things have changed for him since his mom remarried.... it would be normal to have him have a negative reaction to this.   

My SS went through a phase of tripping, hitting and kicking me and denied it.  He said I was hitting him.... one time he was dancing around in the bathroom and fell into the bath tub.  I was in the hallway watching and ran in to see if he was okay... he said I pushed him.   It was VERY UPSETTING and not at all true.   It was something we had to work through as a family of why he had so much anger toward me.   It took a lot of making sure his role in his dad's life stayed as much the same as possible, even when he resented and sabotaged my existence. 

brooke_819
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 6:12 PM

If I were you I would definitely be worried about this. Maybe it is nothing but it might be something, even if most of what he says is lies there might be some truth behind it. Maybe him saying he is hitting him or whatever is just his way of saying he is hurting me some other way. I would definitely try to get to the bottom of it. Even if he is making gifts for him, when you're a child & someone close is hurting you you still love them. It's confusing for a little kid. It might just be him wanting attention from one of his parents and hopefully that is all that it is but I wouldn't just chalk it up to being a phase. Yes, kids lie, more so around that age but not normally about things like that - in my experience it's usually about small things that are just silly to lie about. Maybe try to keep some distance between the 2 of them if possible until everything is figured out just in case & see how that goes? & I would definitely keep him in therapy. If the counselor he is seeing now isn't figuring out why these lies are going on then switch him to someone else. I do agree lying should not be tolerated & there should be some sort of punishment but maybe try get a little more information first beforehand, if there is something going on and everytime he says something it is said to be a lie then he might think there is no point in speaking up anymore since he only gets in trouble anyways. I really hope you get to the bottom of everything soon! Good luck! 

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