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Good for the gander...

Posted by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:07 PM
  • 213 Replies
1 mom liked this

 For those who said they understood why a SP would throw out a picture of the SK's parents - is it okay for the SK to throw out a picture of the SP's parents?  Maybe the kid doesn't like seeing such happiness and doesn't want it around the house, maybe in retaliation for the SP throwing out a picture of their parents, whatever the reason...

If it is okay for a SP to throw out pictures of other people's parents, do you think it is okay for a SK to do the same?

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
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to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
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by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ROBIN-C
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:11 PM

A child should only be allowed to keep or get rid of pictures that were given to them. 

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Where I come from usually the house belongs to the adults, so children don't have the same privileges to decide what is allowed in to the house or not. However, if the stepparent is living in the house the stepkid owns, and subordinate to the child, I suppose the child can throw out the stepparent's pictures too.

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:34 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't think it's ok. The parents are either divorced or separated and even so I think it's nice for kids to have pictures of their parents together. When my Great grand mom died we all went through her photo albums and took pictures and I got alot of my mom and dad when they were young, or my dad, mom, brother, and I from before my parents separation. I got some from their wedding etc. my parents have been separated a few years shy of 20 years... So for me I like to have pics of my Mom and Dad from before and if anyone were to throw them away I would be extremely angry. A few years ago my Dads mom gave me an album of old pics for my bday. Those in addition to the ones from my great grandmom (moms side) I ended up scanning and uploading to Facebook in an album entitled "super old photos" I think my stepsister showed my SM and she was mad and complained to my dad... Which then caused an argument between us because he said I was trying to make it seem like they had never separated. And we ended up not speaking for a few months. That was in no way what I was trying to do. My brother and I were 5 and 7 when our parent separated and we were probably like 3 and 5 in these pics, the whole thing was ridiculous! But I don't think it's ok for anyone to throw anyone else's pictures away. Especially of separated parents. Those pictures are pretty much all you have left of when you had an intact family.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:42 PM

I think both are wrong, so I'm not much help.  But I imagine many people ok with the first would be pissed with the second.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:43 PM
4 moms liked this
A stepchild, or biochild, is in no way the equivalent to an adult in a home. So the "good for the gander" bit has zero merit.

If any child threw an adults photos away in this house they would be in serious trouble.
tellitlikeitiz
by Member on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Wait wait wait....why would a SP have to see a pic of SK's parents together in the first place? As in, DH and I live together, there are no pictures of BM and DH together here because there is no need for one to be on display. When SS is at home with BM maybe he has a pic of DH and BM together on display. Which would be appropriate for being there.
newstepmom61811
by on Jul. 21, 2013 at 8:44 PM
I think what you failed to realize was that the marriage produced you but was really your dad's story, it was HIS marriage, divorce, and story to tell...I agree with Lee, when it comes to things like this...old marital pictures, of the couple...that's first and foremost property of the couple, it is their marriage and divorce story to own and tell, the kids DO NOT trump the adults in owning this story.


Quoting ChelseNichole:

I don't think it's ok. The parents are either divorced or separated and even so I think it's nice for kids to have pictures of their parents together. When my Great grand mom died we all went through her photo albums and took pictures and I got alot of my mom and dad when they were young, or my dad, mom, brother, and I from before my parents separation. I got some from their wedding etc. my parents have been separated a few years shy of 20 years... So for me I like to have pics of my Mom and Dad from before and if anyone were to throw them away I would be extremely angry. A few years ago my Dads mom gave me an album of old pics for my bday. Those in addition to the ones from my great grandmom (moms side) I ended up scanning and uploading to Facebook in an album entitled "super old photos" I think my stepsister showed my SM and she was mad and complained to my dad... Which then caused an argument between us because he said I was trying to make it seem like they had never separated. And we ended up not speaking for a few months. That was in no way what I was trying to do. My brother and I were 5 and 7 when our parent separated and we were probably like 3 and 5 in these pics, the whole thing was ridiculous! But I don't think it's ok for anyone to throw anyone else's pictures away. Especially of separated parents. Those pictures are pretty much all you have left of when you had an intact family.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:11 PM
1 mom liked this
If they're given to the child by a parent, grandparent, other family etc. Then they're the child's pictures from that point on in which no one should throw them away.

Honestly, I think my dad could have cared less. It was my SM bitching that was probably bothering him. Although separated, my parents do alot together. If something breaks at my moms - my dad goes over and fixes it for her, when my stepsister got married and had her babies my mom was invited to the showers, wedding, bday parties etc, my SM even cleans for my Mom once a week for extra money. So there isn't alot of animosity or angry feelings between people or anything like that. I understand what you're saying definitely....but the pics were given to me... and i wasnr technically a child when i posted them. that was an adult decision. Furthermore, none of the pictures I posted had JUST my mom and dad in them. They were either of my brother and I as babies or all four of us and I think im entitled to share pictures of what my family was just as I share pictures of what it is now.... Including my SM, Sbrother, sister, etc.


Quoting newstepmom61811:

I think what you failed to realize was that the marriage produced you but was really your dad's story, it was HIS marriage, divorce, and story to tell...I agree with Lee, when it comes to things like this...old marital pictures, of the couple...that's first and foremost property of the couple, it is their marriage and divorce story to own and tell, the kids DO NOT trump the adults in owning this story.




Quoting ChelseNichole:

I don't think it's ok. The parents are either divorced or separated and even so I think it's nice for kids to have pictures of their parents together. When my Great grand mom died we all went through her photo albums and took pictures and I got alot of my mom and dad when they were young, or my dad, mom, brother, and I from before my parents separation. I got some from their wedding etc. my parents have been separated a few years shy of 20 years... So for me I like to have pics of my Mom and Dad from before and if anyone were to throw them away I would be extremely angry. A few years ago my Dads mom gave me an album of old pics for my bday. Those in addition to the ones from my great grandmom (moms side) I ended up scanning and uploading to Facebook in an album entitled "super old photos" I think my stepsister showed my SM and she was mad and complained to my dad... Which then caused an argument between us because he said I was trying to make it seem like they had never separated. And we ended up not speaking for a few months. That was in no way what I was trying to do. My brother and I were 5 and 7 when our parent separated and we were probably like 3 and 5 in these pics, the whole thing was ridiculous! But I don't think it's ok for anyone to throw anyone else's pictures away. Especially of separated parents. Those pictures are pretty much all you have left of when you had an intact family.

Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:13 PM
4 moms liked this

 I don't get the big deal about a child having a picture of their parents back when their parents were happy together. It's not like it's a in-your-face size picture on the livingroom wall. The past happened but it's the past.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jul. 21, 2013 at 9:13 PM
Also, I don't think any of the pictures given to me were ever my mom or day's pictures. I got some from my Great grandmom's (mom side) albums. And the others came from my Mommom (dads mom) as a gift for my birthday. So none were really my mom or dads property. But I do see what you're saying too.

Quoting newstepmom61811:

I think what you failed to realize was that the marriage produced you but was really your dad's story, it was HIS marriage, divorce, and story to tell...I agree with Lee, when it comes to things like this...old marital pictures, of the couple...that's first and foremost property of the couple, it is their marriage and divorce story to own and tell, the kids DO NOT trump the adults in owning this story.




Quoting ChelseNichole:

I don't think it's ok. The parents are either divorced or separated and even so I think it's nice for kids to have pictures of their parents together. When my Great grand mom died we all went through her photo albums and took pictures and I got alot of my mom and dad when they were young, or my dad, mom, brother, and I from before my parents separation. I got some from their wedding etc. my parents have been separated a few years shy of 20 years... So for me I like to have pics of my Mom and Dad from before and if anyone were to throw them away I would be extremely angry. A few years ago my Dads mom gave me an album of old pics for my bday. Those in addition to the ones from my great grandmom (moms side) I ended up scanning and uploading to Facebook in an album entitled "super old photos" I think my stepsister showed my SM and she was mad and complained to my dad... Which then caused an argument between us because he said I was trying to make it seem like they had never separated. And we ended up not speaking for a few months. That was in no way what I was trying to do. My brother and I were 5 and 7 when our parent separated and we were probably like 3 and 5 in these pics, the whole thing was ridiculous! But I don't think it's ok for anyone to throw anyone else's pictures away. Especially of separated parents. Those pictures are pretty much all you have left of when you had an intact family.

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