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First 3 hours, now 8 ... WTH BM? vent UPDATE IN BLUE

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 7:36 AM
  • 21 Replies

For well over a month, BM had us freaking out, reworking our budget and preparing for the worst, when she told us she was moving 3 hours away with SD. Worst part is - there is nothing in the court order to stop it.



BM has been kinda crazy the past month or so. Texting my husband asking him to leave me to be with her, so she won't "have" to move. Offering to break up with her boyfriend and when DH told her she was out of her mind that he is happily married with a baby on the way, she withheld visitation, exclaiming "You have your wife, her son and a baby, you don't need MY daughter".


DH asked BM for extra time. SD is going to be starting kindergaten, and we believed she would be moving away. DH wanted to make the best of the summer. BM denied it, even though it would have been DH/SD one on one time while I worked and DS was at the sitters 10 hours a day on every extra day he asked for, which is what BM has been campaigning for all along ( Well, they get lots of one on one, but BM has been campaigning for me to leave my home during visits. )


Then BM tells us that she is not moving, she's renewing her lease. She even told us SD was enrolled, gave DH the name of the school, told him her dress code etc. This past Friday, we are on our way out there. I was going because we had to stop at mother in laws, she bought DS's school supplies.


BM texts saying that SD is staying home with her because " She was acting up " . So DH tells BM he's coming to get her, have her ready. BM says "No she's grounded, she's not going to your house". DH texts back with "That's not an appropriate punishment. figure one out and I'll carry it out at my house. Be there in 15 minutes" - so BM says " Her punishment is that she can't see you this weekend". DH just says " Have her ready" she starts texting that if he shows up she will call the police for trespassing and harassment etc.


She calls, leaves a voice mail. The voice mail is of SD crying so hard that she's hyperventilating on the phone, begging for daddy to please come get her. We get there, and BM comes out all smiles and just hands SD over. Um, what? So you got your daughter and my husband all worked up just for the sake of upsetting them??


Then on Saturday - BM tells us that she is moving out of state. DH just says " Okay, well we'll have to go to court to get something worked out". BM starts bitching at him about it, because he didn't get more upset by it. DH asks if she wants to talk to SD or if she called just to argue. She hangs up on him. sunday, DH is dropping SD off, BM approaches that car ( I'm not there ) and tells SD that they are moving to Kentucky. SD looks at BM and says " And HOW am I supposed to see my dad then? " - LOL DH had not brought this up to SD at all, he didn't want to upset her because honestly it's probably just a line on BS that BM was using to piss of DH. BM says "Oh well daddy will come get you honey"


- Um no! He won't. That's an 8 hour drive BM. 16 hour round trip. God she's so - fucked in the head.


So DH called BM today, and she said she was packing the living room, that SD Was excited, because BM's mom found them an apartment in Kentucky. DH said, "Well, I hope you talked to your lawyer about this move" and she said " Yeah, I did and he said that as long as we agree... " DH cut her off and told her that he doesn't agree, and that she better file her intent to relocate because it takes 90 days. She started freaking out on him. I had to cut him off because HR walked in at that moment, so I don't know what happened next.


I will surely update later

by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 7:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:11 AM
If she files with court to relocate which by our states laws she has to he can fight it, if she leaves without informing the court he can file and she's going to have a lot of explaining to do.
laughnchica
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:10 PM

in our state, if you leave the state without informing the courts and the other parent, it can count as contempt of court. ALso, it counts a significant change in circumstances, which warrants changes to the custody order and gives grounds to change custody. Let her think that DH will drive down there to get her. I sincerely doubt that courts will agree with that. BM moved over 20 hours away...she is now responsible for travel costs.

spicy0425
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:26 PM

If I took what you wrote at face value, your SD is very fortunate to have a BM like this. The dad needs to contest the court order when the BM decided moving 8 yrs away. It's a good ground for a modification.

mellienium
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:34 PM

take it up in court and document, document, document!  That is the only way.

BM was just as crazy, trying to scare DH about moving out of the city or state, that he'll never see his son unless they get back together, that I can't be at the residence when SS is over, I physically abuse SS and don't feed him... just a bunch of crap.  He documented all text messages and voicemail messages and kept a journal of what we did during the visits.  when it came to court, everything was brought up.  There is now a court order that SS cannot live out of San Diego county and she's followed it since, plus DH gained a higher percentage of physical custody of SS since it showed that BM was trying to keep SS away from DH for no good reason.

Goodluck.  It won't be a fun journey, but by the sound of it your SD will need her dad to take this step.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:38 PM

Have you thought of going for custody? The voice mail and texts are enough to prove emotional abuse. At the very least contact CPS and give them everything you have and see if they'd like to investigate.

teaspring
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:49 PM

She sounds like such an awful person - I'm so sorry you and your family is having to deal with that.

I would suggest having your husband's attorney petition the court to change the current custody arrangement to disallow a move that is over a certain distance from him.  I think it'd be considered a reasonable request of change by the court and probably be approved.  

Best of luck to all of y'all. :)

TexasGirl90
by Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:58 PM

I had a friend go through the same thing. The courts granted BM permission to move out of state, BUT they court ordered that she would have to meet BF half way for all drop offs and pick ups. She reconsidered and ended up not moving. She realized what an expense that would be to her (she thought he would have to fund all pick ups and drop offs and he would eventually stop picking up his kids). His court order said he would have to make the drive if she lived less than 80 miles away. But any more than 80, BM would have to drive as well. Good luck!

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:00 PM

You just have to wonder what is wrong with adults who choose to put their child through hell just to spite their ex. Those types of people, men or women, don't deserve to have children. Good luck.

Luna091306
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 3:16 PM

 There is this. Also, if there is a CO and it states what days he gets for visitation she can be held in contempt if she tries to withhold visitation. I would keep the texts and document everything. She can not ground thier dd from him. That's insane!

Quoting MommySabs:

If she files with court to relocate which by our states laws she has to he can fight it, if she leaves without informing the court he can file and she's going to have a lot of explaining to do.

 

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Rae706
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:45 AM
I highly doubt CPD eould do anything. Best bet is probably to get it in front of a judge.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Have you thought of going for custody? The voice mail and texts are enough to prove emotional abuse. At the very least contact CPS and give them everything you have and see if they'd like to investigate.


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