Promises, Promises. Nothing like tricking a five year old
It's no secret that in many situations, the two households are not the same in terms of discipline. BM home has always been a free for all and DH and I have always pushed reasonable limitations, routine and structure, esp since SS has ADHD and needs it more than ever. SS is comign to live with us for a year because BM is unable to handle his behavioral outbursts and violent tendencies when he doesn't get his way...in large part because these behaviors are rewarded with new material gains because he wants them. I'm not trying to dispute her parental habits, that would take forever and at this point, I've tried to help as much as I can and figure us taking him is the best thing for everyone involved right now.
So the funny part? Ever since we signed the agreement last month to have SS come live with us, effective August 2nd, he has been refusing to come with us during our visitation times. He escalates his tantrums, to the point where during the last one he clawed BM from chin to chest until it bled. He is only acting thisway when she is present. On the days that she is not home when we pickup, he rushes otu the door with us and comes, no issues,but if she is there it's a fit and a half. If he does come with us, after the fit, there are no issues. He is perfectly fine, has fun,etc. Now I accredited it to the transitions, the fact he loves his BM etc and all of those reasons would've been fine (not the tantrums but the understanding of his feelings)....and then after one of the less aggressive tantrums when he actually got into the car with DH, he tells DH that "BM promises me something everytime I don't go with you, so thats why I don't go." Now I totally understand that some kids lie about this sort of thing but SS doesn't. He will pretty much blurt out just about anything that occurs to anyone and it's normally pretty point blank what is occuring.
I just think it's bs. It's one thing for you to not discipline on your own time and let him walk all over you. It's another to brain wash and manipulate a five year old out of time with his father, who has always been apart of his life, right before he is comign to live with us. I;m not trying to guess her motives for doing this because several A backwards things are possible. I just wish she would stop and realize she is only hurting ss. He may love all the great material things she provides but he still needs his father in his life.\