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Forgive my hostility but wtf is up with this?

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:42 PM
  • 42 Replies

 What's your take on BM being involved in family events with DH's family?

I'm not talking about holidays or anything realted to SK, those are an automatic she should be there and receive the invite. Im talking about family functions with DH's family members during our time with the children.

We never are invited, and have never taken it personally for that matter, when BM's parents or family have events on her time with the kids.

BM on the other hand is constantly expressing how PO'd she is that she doesn't get invited to things like Dh's adult brothers bday? Or worse DH's brithday at HIS father's house.

I can more than understand that when the kids are involved in holdiays and parties, by all means, go ahead and blame us if you aren't invited but why are you entitled, or better yet, why do you want to be at things that are for DH and HIS family. It doesn't make sense to me.

I feel like when DH already has limited time with SK, it should be his time and shouldn't be taken up by BM being there.Am I out of line??

by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 1:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:39 PM

I don't think you are out of line at all.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:40 PM

Just ignore her, she knows she is not wanted at these events and your DH should desist from discussing or mentioning these events with her at all.

LoveMy2x4
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:41 PM

I think its weird. And unnecessary.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:42 PM
4 moms liked this

It sounds like BM needs a refresher on the meaning of "divorce".  She's not entitled to involvement with your DH's family unless invited, just like any other guest. 

Why are you bothered by her feelings on this though?  She's the one with the boundary problem.  Neither you nor your DH have to entertain her complaints in any fashion.  If she wants to call the host directly and create an awkward scene, more power to her. 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 2:45 PM

Who is BM upset with? DH?  You? DH's brother?  DH's parents?

So what if BM is PO'd over not being invited?  So what?  What's she going to do about it?  Let her be PO'd.   

packermomof2
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 3:02 PM
I have a b.i.l (my husband's brother) who is contemplating divorce - because he's a selfish dolt and admits it. They are separated right now. He has two kids. She is coming to a huge family gathering next month. She'll probably always be invited to things. Why? Because he's divorcing her, the family isn't. We aren't into picking sides like that. I still talk to my ex's family from time to time. Not him, so much. They got over the "ex sucks because my brother/son says she does" thing.
NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Not out of line at all, in my opinion. Not trying to add fuel to a fire, but she clearly does not have boundaries.

Actions speak louder than words in this situation. I would keep doing what you are doing, don't play into the drama and live your lives for you and your family. She can do what she wants. 

Good luck!


Graceplustwo
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this
She is not their family. She is a EX WIFE and nothing more, she has no place being invited. You are right
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2013 at 8:44 PM

Ehhh it would depend on family dynamics. My ex SIL is one of my best friends. She will always be invited to any function I ever have. If BIL doesn't like it he is welcome to not come. I really have no desire to be friends with any other current wife he has. Now other BIL is also getting a divorce I am not close with her so I don't ever talk to her it would be weird if she wanted to be invited to something we planned.

ritchhartm
by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 9:17 PM

I would agree that is weird that she wants to be invited to parties/events for DH and his family.  I wouldn't feel like she needs to be invited.  We don't invite my husband's ex to stuff we have for my SK and she doesn't invite us to stuff she has for him, so no one cares or has hurt feelings.  On the flip side my husband's parents are divorced and my FIL's dad has invited my MIL to family events even though they have been divorced for years.  In fact just yesterday, my husband's grandpa (on his dad's side) invited my  husband's mom to their family reunion.  My impression is that my husband and his ex had a much more hostile divorce than my father and mother in law though.

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