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From Toddler to Adult

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:58 AM
  • 9 Replies

I'm just curious if anyone has made the journey of SM with a kid from toddler age to adulthood.  I would love to hear the stories, good, bad, or what have you.  I know it's silly to worry or wonder, but I just always wonder how my relationship with SD will turn out in the end as BM and I are very different people (which is ok) so our households and how we interact will always be different (I'm strict she's extremely laid back).

by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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Replies (1-9):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:27 AM

I went from 6 to 22. It got better. But I will say this. I NEVER tried to be mom in any way shape form or fashion. Our parenting styles were extremely different too. I didnt try to change them or "combat" what I thought she was doing wrong. I embraced the differences and respected her wishes. I was a NCSM. EOWE.

kjc143
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:41 AM


This is what I hope for. I already have a policy with myself not to get in the way. Other than what she eats and when she goes to bed while she's at my house. I do my best to stay out of things. I offer DH an opinion if he asks but completely understand that she's got two competent parents regardless of how they get along. I just hope that she and I can have a good relationship as people, in general. But, it's scary.

Quoting baparrot2:

I went from 6 to 22. It got better. But I will say this. I NEVER tried to be mom in any way shape form or fashion. Our parenting styles were extremely different too. I didnt try to change them or "combat" what I thought she was doing wrong. I embraced the differences and respected her wishes. I was a NCSM. EOWE.


JLang
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:38 PM

I will be watching this post for more replys as I constantly wonder about this....I'm about 1/3 of the way through rasing these kids lol....BM and I and our households are also very different....

LoveMy2x4
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:49 PM

My mom and Stepdad got married when I was 8. While I wasnt a toddler, I was still pretty young.

20 Years later and I work for my SF. I see him more than I see either of my bio-parents. There have been bumps in the road and some issues here and there (minor & major), but I still love him. We get a long great. He is my second favorite parent ;) Right after my Dad and right before my Mom!!! And yes, I consider him one of my parents. 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:55 PM

My DH's parents divorced when he was 4.  Both of his parents remarried pretty quickly.  My DH is now 31 and has had stepparents his entire life almost.  He lived with his mother until he was 14 and then he moved in with his father and SM until he married me at 22.  He has a great relationship with all 4 of his parents.  There is definitely hope that it can be done successfully!

Happily Married | BM to DD14  DD14  DD12 | Mom to DS7 & DS4 | CP | Not a SM

SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm also interested to see the varying degrees of relationships that span that amount of time. I've been in SS11s life since he was 3. I feel like we have a pretty good relationship right now. DH is CP and BM is minimally involved. I'm a SAHM and I've been the primary caregiver for the last 8 years. We're at that preteen point where he is challenging authority and finally starting to see BMs true colors behind the rose colored glasses he has always had with her.

I had a very parental role with SS when he was younger and we were all adjusting to life as a new family. I've backed off some in that area and try to be an objective ear for him when he needs it.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:13 PM

DHs dad left his mom for SM when he was 14.  Both his parents remarried.  While I have heard they had a rocky relationship for a long period of time, as an adult, DH made peace with his father and is very close to him and SM.  he is also close to mom and SF.

you can't predict how your journey will turn out.

shanlee42
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:21 PM
I was with my ex's daughter from 9-17. It sounds like you already have a great outlook on how to handle everything. Offer input when asked but let mom and dad parent. As the child gets older be friends but also let them know that you will not keep important secrets from dad. XSD and I had a great relationship. I told her from day one that if she told me something in confidence that dad needed to know that she would need to tell him. I told her I would hd her hand while she did it and support her through it 100% but she would need to tell him. This allowed her to tell me anything and she was extremely comfortable with the arrangement.
packermomof2
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:07 PM

My husband has been in my kid's lives from the age of 14 months (youngest) and 3... they are now 10 and 12... not adults, but for a while.  Their father and my husband are very different as well.  My husband being strict or laid back doesn't matter where dad is concerned since I'm the one responsible for the kids.  Dad doesn't care for or about my husband and the same is said about my husband regarding dad. 

My husband currently has a great relationship with both kids. 

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