step kids jealousy

[linnclark]

My kids are here during the summer 3 of them on top of my 3 step kids who are always here and my daughter my husband and I have. My step kids have a druggie mom whom they hardly see so I'm pretty close to all 3 of them. But since my kids have been here my step kids have been out of control. They all say they hate me now and don't want to live here. Having 7 here I have to put my foot down more. I do everything for all these kids. Cook them all 3 meals do the dishes and clean up the whole house with no help. And the only ones who seem to appreciate it are my 3 kids and my husband. The other afternoon I made corn dogs and Mac n cheese I gave my step daughter a plate and she flipped out about how much ketsup I gave her, it wasn't enough. So I walked over and gave her more just like she wanted then she screamed at me on how she didn't want more.. Omg seriously. So I told her when she is done eating she needs to wash her plate, dry it and put it away. If you can't just be thankful for the things I do all day then you can start helping. Once again she flipped out and ran to my husband and cried about how I was making he'd wash her own plate. He made her do it but she didn't learn a lesson about it instead she made me look like I was evil fordoing it. When iI moved into my grandmother abandoned house there was just trash left over from when my sister in law lived here. So I cleaned the girls room up. And I had my daughter and step daughter help. In a bag of trash I spotted a cute pair of pink glasses my daughter asked if she could have them, sure why not they were going to be in the trash. My step daughter flipped out of them saying her cousin gave them to her, "why were they in a trash bad that's been sitting here for weeks" then later she wouldn't let it go so she had her brother tell us that her grandmother bought them for her. And my husband bought it hut I did not. Which is it, her grandmother bought them or her cousin gave them to her?? Sounds like a lie to just get what she wants, like always. I stood my ground while 2 of my step children yelled at me and my husband sided with them. Everything that my kids have my step kids fight about how its theirs and my husband always side with them. Before my kids came here for the summer my step kids never fought with me, yelled at me or said they hate me. Jealous?? I'm at wits end with them right now and I don't know what to do..

[kmur]

BUMP!

[whatIknownow]

Actually this all sounds like normal kid behavior.

[wyomom4]

 I don't know how old any of the kids are, so I don't know how much help this will be. But it does sound like they are feeling threatened.  I think all kids should help around the house in age appropriate ways. And you and your DH HAVE TO maintain a united front. If one of you disagrees with the other the two of you should take it completely away from all kids and discuss it. Even if that means the item in question temporarily becomes yours until an accord can be reached.

This set up a us vs them situation that ALL kids, step or bio, will use to play the parents off of each other. So my suggestions are, try to spend small amounts of 1 on 1 time with each child (I know with 7 it can be really hard), maintain a united front with DH, and give all of them daily chores around the house.

[faerie75]

 your kids are not there all the time. focus on enjoying your time with them and tell your husband that he needs to make arrangements for his kids maybe once a week so you can spend some quality time w yours.

you and your husband need ot get on the same page about all the kids.

[DDDaysh]

I thought your skids lived with grandma most of the time anyway. Why not move back to where your kids live so you can raise them and let grandma raise the skids?

[EricaHowell]

Maybe they are acting out due to the crap they have had to go through with their mother? Kids have a hard time with adjusting to two households in general (if both parents are stable, much more if there are issues at one or both houses). I would sit everyone down and set rules for the house along with chores - make a poster board for each so there is visual reminders. Reward behavior with things from the dollar store or a special dessert. The more clear cut you make things as far as rules and expectations, the easier it will be for the kids to know what is ok and what will not be rewarded. Kids like to fit in, so if they see each other trying to get approval from you and DH, they will be more likely to join the crowd even if they wouldn't have normally.

[pdxmum]

Oi. I just read your other post.

I am not surprised kids are acting out. And my guess is so are your kids but your biofilter and mommy guilt prevent you from seeing it.

When did you leave your kids? Because it sounds like you just moved into your home...