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Kid Going to College & Child Support

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:30 AM
  • 163 Replies

Ahh yes, my EX strikes again with the whole, "how can I do LESS for my kids?" thing he has done so well for the last 15 years.

Days before our son's high school graduation, while I'm inundated in focusing on getting him off to an over $20,000/year college, I get a text from the Father of the Year (who lives 3 hours away and doesn't see his kids too often).  It reads, "What time is DS18's graduation and do you know what I need to do to stop his child support?" 

I wanted to kill him.  This is an emotional time with my child whom I've put all of my blood, sweat and tears into for 18 years...unlike him.  It is also a very expensive time.  Keep in mind that this is a father who always had to be forced to pay child support.  A father who cancelled the kids' health insurance that he was Court ordered to have on the kids w/o telling me.  A father who never paid ANY of his percentage of the medical bills (70%) for 15 years even after I got health insurance on them because he was practically a dead beat.  A father who ducked out on having child support raised when daycare was costing me an arm and a leg but jumped on it when he could lower it.  A father who saw his kid a MAXIMUM of 2 weeks total out of the year for the first 8 years after he took off.

Now he's chomping at the bit to completely STOP child support and has the NERVE to ask me how to do it!  Our son will still be provided for by my DH and I while he's at college, our son will still come here often when he comes back from college and for breaks.  We will be the ones covering anything for school that scholarships don't cover, the ones who will still be holding health insurance for him, paying medical bills, etc.  Ex has not asked anything about finances, about how much college will cost or how he can contribute to his son's schooling.  He asks how he can stop giving money to me while I'm still the one taking care of his son.  He owes my DH and I thousands of dollars for everything that he hasn't paid in the last 15 years but he's now taking me to Court to stop child support.  Our daughter just went to Europe for 3 weeks.  My parents were the one who offered for her to go, that they'd pay for the trip knowing my DH and I have 6 kids to care for between the two of us.  We paid for everything else in preparation for her to go and we paid for all of her spending money, clothes, etc that she needed.  We put all the work into what she needed to do for the trip to get high school credit for it.  We did everything.  EX never even gave her $5.00 toward her trip.  No spending money, nothing.

What would you do?  What would your reaction be?  When you went to Court would you hold him accountable for all of the bills he never paid that he was Court ordered to pay...twice? 

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:42 AM
4 moms liked this

My reaction would be:

file a countermotion to his motion, asking the court to continue CS through emancipation (which would presumably be college graduation), and also ask that he be accountable for all the prior expenses for which he is liable under the existing CO but hasn't paid - and provide receipts and proof that you informed him of these costs (emails are fine).

Also request he be ordered to pay half of college. As support for this request, provide proof that you kept him informed of the college search and your son's choice of college (if you did).  Also provide evidence (if you have it) that while you were married, your ex indicated that he wanted and expected your son to go to college (such as, a joint college savings fund, or evidence tha the paid for or saved up for other kids to go to college).  You may or may not win this but what the hell - ask anyway.

you may not get the back payments for those expenses. but I am reasonably sure you will get CS continued through college graduation.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:45 AM
IDK why your blood is boiling. What did you expect? All these years he proved to you with his actions towards his kids, that he doesn't care about them. He is dead beat.
If course he will jump first chance to get rid of CS. Sue for what he owes you of course!
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Lasttime
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:54 AM

 Great Advice, thank you.

All of these years I have kept folders of what he's owed for medical bills and so forth.  I have a second Court order from 2000 where he was held in Contempt for not paying attorney's fees, medical bills and keeping health insurance.  He was ordered to pay again.  He still hasn't.

I may be able to find something that shows that I continuously informed him of what he owed AFTER 2000, for a few years.  I stopped after a while because he never paid a cent.

Anyway, I'm working on getting as much together as I can for Court in August.  Thanks again.


Quoting whatIknownow:

My reaction would be:

file a countermotion to his motion, asking the court to continue CS through emancipation (which would presumably be college graduation), and also ask that he be accountable for all the prior expenses for which he is liable under the existing CO but hasn't paid - and provide receipts and proof that you informed him of these costs (emails are fine).

Also request he be ordered to pay half of college. As support for this request, provide proof that you kept him informed of the college search and your son's choice of college (if you did).  Also provide evidence (if you have it) that while you were married, your ex indicated that he wanted and expected your son to go to college (such as, a joint college savings fund, or evidence tha the paid for or saved up for other kids to go to college).  You may or may not win this but what the hell - ask anyway.

you may not get the back payments for those expenses. but I am reasonably sure you will get CS continued through college graduation.


 

Lasttime
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:57 AM

 Ah, yeah, okay...

Of course I expect this from him.  Doesn't mean it's not annoying as hell and maddening each time. 

Oh, he also TOLD our son that he was going to stop child support, for his graduation, and save the money up to help him buy a car!  Therefore...if I stop him from doing so, he'll also achieve having our son mad at me.  The gifts just keep coming.


Quoting annabl1970:

IDK why your blood is boiling. What did you expect? All these years he proved to you with his actions towards his kids, that he doesn't care about them. He is dead beat.
If course he will jump first chance to get rid of CS. Sue for what he owes you of course!


 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:15 AM
2 moms liked this

oh also - 

when you request the court to order these back payments, request that they be considered "arrears" for the purpose of collection. In other words, ask the judge to tack on these payments to the regular CS, so that they can be collected through the agency that is processing his CS.  You are making this request due to his history of egregious contempt of prior orders to pay these obligations.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:20 AM

When my DD was close to graduation from HS the court sent me a letter to give to the principal and the principal filled it out.  It stated she had enough credits to graduate.  My DD was still 17 but our papers stated graduation or 18 yrs old which ever came first.  Her dad and SM  showed up at graduation (no involvement hardly at all prior) and after the ceremony got to her first.  Taking pics with her etc.  I was annoyed.. all I could think was it was funny they want glory of the day for doing nothing to support the child all these years.

Lasttime
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 Absolutely.  Good point!

He's asked me in recent years to allow him to pay child support directly to me again since he was "doing so well" and he said he'd even pay me the extra fees that go to the court.  Said he'd rather pay that toward the kids.  LOL  I said, "Nah, I'm good." The ONLY thing he's ever paid is the thing that goes right thru the Court.  Anything else that was supposed to be paid but wouldn't send him to jail immediately...he didn't. 


Quoting whatIknownow:

oh also - 

when you request the court to order these back payments, request that they be considered "arrears" for the purpose of collection. In other words, ask the judge to tack on these payments to the regular CS, so that they can be collected through the agency that is processing his CS.  You are making this request due to his history of egregious contempt of prior orders to pay these obligations.


 

pokey-pwa
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:23 AM

 This is what I was going to suggest.  Where I live, any unpaid medical expenses that you have paid for and have receipts for that he has not reimbursed you for, they will tack that on to the CS and consider it arrears...as long as what the other parent owes is over $500.00 which it sounds like your ex would owe you at least that much.

Of course, where I live CS is strictly til age 18 or til the child graduates HS, whichever come later.  If the child emancipates sooner, then it ends sooner.  But, I havent ever seen anyone pay past HS here.  I know that it is done in other states though.


Quoting whatIknownow:

oh also - 

when you request the court to order these back payments, request that they be considered "arrears" for the purpose of collection. In other words, ask the judge to tack on these payments to the regular CS, so that they can be collected through the agency that is processing his CS.  You are making this request due to his history of egregious contempt of prior orders to pay these obligations.


 

Lasttime
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 I feel you.  My ex is that "glory" guy also.  "Let's" my DH and I raise the kids then swoops in telling the kid he's going to buy him a car.  He does things like that on a regular basis.  The two times he gets the kids they take lots of pictures...then it looks like he spends a whole bunch of time with them too.


Quoting tiredmama42:

When my DD was close to graduation from HS the court sent me a letter to give to the principal and the principal filled it out.  It stated she had enough credits to graduate.  My DD was still 17 but our papers stated graduation or 18 yrs old which ever came first.  Her dad and SM  showed up at graduation (no involvement hardly at all prior) and after the ceremony got to her first.  Taking pics with her etc.  I was annoyed.. all I could think was it was funny they want glory of the day for doing nothing to support the child all these years.


 

JTROX
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this

When a child graduates hs and is at least 18 cs should stop on a mandatory level.  

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